Tagged!

So, In This Instance tagged me ages ago, and I'm just getting to it now. I actually got tagged on a weird survey that asked me if I was single, and then later asked me when my wedding date was, which made me think they had been drinking while writing the questions. So, to heck with that, I'm going to play the game where I tell you 4 things you didn't know about me. Lets commence!

1) I read The Economist. In bed. Not a punch line, totally true. I'm that kind of a political junky. I like my New York Times in the morning, and my Economist at night.
2) You know how I write sort of, um, sassy posts? Yeah. I'm like that in real life.
3) If I had a superhero power, it would be networking. Like, I would change into a cocktail dress in a phone booth pull a wine glass from my purse and *Work That Room*
4) David and I knew each other in High School. While we were definitely friends, we didn't get along terribly well. So don't worry, it's not that kind of a romantic story.

Now I'm tagging a few women I'd like to know random facts about. Tagged are: Peonies and Polaroids, Prom To Altar, One Love Photo, and Jessamyn Harris.

Merry & Mark

I think this is my new all time favorite wedding, photographed by my new photography crush, Our Labor Of Love, in Atlanta. I really hope that at the end of all this planning, we are able to pull together a wedding this personal, stylish, and authentic. And yes, affordable.
Let me count the ways I love this wedding:
The bride made her super stylish dress (this dress makes me want to shelve all my lace ideas and do something like this).
Classic cars! Classic cars! Why would you ever use a limo when you could use a cool car like this?
Did I mention I love the dress? And the photography?
I. Love. These. Flowers. Jewel tones? Simple? Hip? Yes please.
They had their wedding at home, and it looked beautiful. I really think we underestimate how fantastic and personal a wedding at home can be. And no I don't mean a tented wedding in the backyard of your family estate.
This sweet personal picture makes me want to dash all of our plans and get married at my parents house, which actually looks a lot like this house. For those of you still figuring out what kind of wedding you want, you should consider doing a at home wedding. It's so affordable that you can afford things like stylish flowers and a kick *ss photography team.
It's official, I'm obsessed with Our Labor Of Love. They take pictures of such wonderful creative weddings, and their photographs are stunning while being really unpretentious. Love! Love! Love! Go check them out, and see more pictures of this awesome wedding here.

It's Not All In The Details

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say something that is really against current wedding, um, doctrine. So bear with me. Please don't send Martha Stewart to fire bomb my house. I mean, I love Martha Stewart's style, but she's sccccarryyy. Ok. Here goes. DEEP BREATH.

Your wedding is NOT all about the details. It is NOT the details that make a wedding. I mean, I like wedding details as much as the next girl! Look at my blog! Crafty cake toppers, floral arrangements, cool invitation ideas, I like them all. But I think, together, we need to get some perspective. You know what cool details make for? An awesome wedding album. You know what makes a great wedding? Joy. And serving the food on time (have I stressed this enough? For serious. They traveled for you. Feed them on time!)

If you have the time and energy, by all means, think about the details. If you can make your wedding more of a personal reflection of you and your partner, that's awesome. But lets be honest. I have been to countless weddings, big expensive weddings, small DIY weddings, and everything in between. And I can't remember a single centerpiece. Not one.

If you want to focus on something, focus on making the day a accurate reflection of you and your partner. Do things because you want to do them, not because the wedding industry is telling you they are the done thing. Your guests do not care about the fancy calligraphy on your escort cards. And they are not going to remember your wedding because it was the third one they went to this year with parasols and pashminas for all the guests. They are going to remember the wedding that was vibrant and joyful, not the wedding that felt like a (very detailed) photoshoot.

Awesome Map Invites

I love these crazy map invites from Omnivore. They are a little less formal then we personally would use for the wedding, but you can bet we'd use something like this for Save the Dates or an engagement party. Plus, you could stencil them yourself, and then print out huge copies (or teeny copies) at Kinkos. Also, I enjoy that it says "Festive Dinner."
And while we are on the subject of map invites, I think Kathryn of Snippet and Ink's idea for using maps as paper airplanes for Save the Dates is brillant. Things I like about it: You can do it yourself. You can use a map of someplace close to your heart or the location of the wedding. They fly. They are a little silly. (and I love silly).

Happy weekend everyone! I hope the weather where you are is as wonderful as the weather here! Lots to come next week.

Aly, Elroi & The Pirates

We're still celebrating the CA Supreme Court Ruling out here in San Francisco, so I can't resist posting this! I wanted to share this amazing Moulin Rouge-esq wedding with you because it is so cool, so stylish, so inspiring, and so unlike anything I've ever seen. I baffled why it hasn't made it's way all over the blog-o-sphere already. It was shot by the super talented Our Labor of Love out of Atlanta, if you are near Atlanta call them already. So here goes!

Meet Aly and Elroi:
This is so cool I might fall out of my chair. PIRATE bird cake toppers. It's like all my favorite things in one!Check out the reception hall! Moulin Rouge meets a wedding. I love it.

Super cool paper goods...And a stunning bouquet toss picture! Aly is rocking the non-white dress. Just goes to show, you should wear whatever makes you feel the most beautiful.

Marraige Is Not An Equal Right (just yet) BUT IT IS IN CALIFORNIA!

The California Supreme Court had overturned the ban on gay marriages. You should know, that when the news hit, I was at my computer, hitting refresh on my New York Times browser. (I might like talking about weddings, but in real life, I'm a political junkie). I was so overjoyed that I teared up, and David is still reading all 108 pages of the decision. We each celebrate in our own ways.

Hopefully it will still be legal next August. It's important to remember we have a long road ahead of us.

**Update: we just got back from The Castro, since we thought today would be a nice day, symbolically, to pick up my wedding ring, which was getting resized. A store had a sign up with a rainbow flag that said 'Proud to be a Californian' and I teared up all over again.**

Joy. And My Other Love, Brooklyn.

I LOVE this photo. Sadly, sometimes we don't see pure joy at weddings, it gets lost beneath the spray tan, and the teeth bleaching, and the "ivory or white or bone?" and the "dear god we'll never get out of the debt for this day," and the silly wedding etiquette. But this, right here, is what really matters.

Also, this picture really makes me miss Brooklyn, where we lived less then a year ago. Only in New York, would the subway riders not even look up for a bride and groom.

Photo Via Emin Photography.

Miya & Jordy's Personal Ceremony

I haven't written much about the actual wedding ceremony just yet, because David and I haven't started working on ours. We have lot of wedding chores to do before we get to that (really exciting) one. I do think it is odd that we focus so much of our energy and attention on the reception, when the ceremony is the most important part. That's the point of the day, right, getting married?

Style Me Pretty fetured Miya Hirabayashi's wedding this weekend, and while it was really lovely, what struck me what their personal ceremony. Miya wrote more about it on her blog, and the gist of it is this. Miya and Jordy asked married family members to get up and give advice about marriage, and then each family member asked them a question, and those questions formed their vows. Some of the advice was this (grab a tissue, this made me cry):

Talk about it, whatever it is. And remember that sometimes the best time to do so is later. When you marry, you are very focused on each other, but as you raise children it’s easy to get tired and distracted. After our last child went to college, Johnny wrote that a good marriage is when the children have left and you look at each other and smile and say, “Now I remember why I married you so many years ago.”

Another skill worth learning is the art of selective listening.

1. Laugh. Especially at yourself.
2. Hold hands
3. Hire a housekeeper. Now.
4. Learn to apologize well.
5. Validate validate validate.
6. Be adventurous—life is not a dress rehearsal. You will always be there to cover each others’ back, so together you need not be afraid to do things you may hesitate to do alone. When you are dangling out there together, you will rediscover the qualities that attracted you to each other in the first place, and which may, over the years, have been obscured by the responsibilities of day-to-day life. Don't hesitate to try new things or to move to far away places because as long as you have each other you will have everything you need. Also, wear earplugs.

This is such a meaningful way to make a ceremony more personal, without making it cheesy, and to really show that a marriage is more then just the two of you, it is the joining of two families, and takes the support of a community. It definitely has me thinking!

Thanks for letting me share your story, Miya!

Modern Flowers Volume II

I don't know what I love more here, the cheery flowers or the teal dresses.

Picture via Brides Cafe.

Wedding Budget Wednesday: City Hall Is Underrated

A few of you have emailed me, with maybe the slightest edge of desperation in your voice, commenting that you don't have a ton of money to spend on your wedding, and people are pushing you towards going into debt, because that is just what it takes to get married. This is so scary and horrible! A wedding should be a fresh start, and the idea of starting your married life saddled with a lot of debt from a one day party really sad. With that in mind I've decided that its time to make some old fashioned, classic, and affordable ideas hip and cool again.

What about getting married at the City Hall and having a little party afterwards?Maybe it is because San Francisco's City Hall is one of the most beautiful buildings I've ever seen, or maybe it's because I'm a little in love with the fashion and simplicity of the 1940's, but I sort of wish that we did things the European way, and had a civil ceremony in the courthouse before we had a religious ceremony. You can wear something simple and stylish, have only your closest family and loved ones with you, and then meet everyone else for a celebratory dinner at a local restaurant, or have a party at home. Its chic, affordable, super romantic and cuts out all of the expensive excess.

The thing I think is the coolest about having a ceremony at city hall, is that you will have wedding clothes that you can re-wear. One of my grandmothers got married in a civil ceremony, and a few years ago she pulled out a really worn lovely lacy blouse to show me. "This was my wedding blouse" she said, "But as you can tell, I loved it so much that I wore it until it fell apart."

Check out this bride rocking a short yellow dress at her wedding party, after her ceremony in the Rabbi's study. And Emily put together this set of mix and match outfits that includes some lovely ideas of what to wear for a simple courthouse ceremony. Also, look at photographer Jessamyn Harris and her husband all aglow at their ceremony at San Francisco's City Hall.

**Update: You must read all about Jessamyn's experience with a courthouse wedding in the comments. You'll run out on to the street, snatch someone up and run right to the courthouse to get romantic!**

Top photo via Flickr, Bottom photo via Frolic.

Sheer Bunting

I love this pretty sheer voile bunting via Peonies and Polaroids. This would be a great DIY project for a garden wedding. You could do it in other light colors, and the morning light streaming through it would be spectacular. I thought momentarily about making these for our wedding, but I realized that somethings are best left as they are. Our space has the tremendous advantage of being beautiful just as it is. However, if we were having a true picnic reception under the trees, I would definitely go for this.

Rich Is In, Poor is Out Out Out!

In case you haven't seen The Knot's article on Hot Wedding Trends For 2008, let me sum it up for you: buy at least two of EVERYTHING. I kid. I know you need more details, so here it is:

1. One wedding dress is not enough. Buy two. Ideally buy one princess dress and one mini dress. Everyone loves a bride in a miniskirt! Also, make sure you hire a hair and makeup person for the whole day, so they can change your hair style and your makeup between the ceremony and the reception. Remember! This is a show! Your guests expect full costume changes, and probably backup dancers. Hire backup dancers.
2. Grey is the new brown which was the new black. Hence grey is the new black. Chocolate brown for weddings is out out out. Grey is in! It's so festive and upbeat! Make sure all your bridesmaids wear grey no matter when or where your wedding is. Make them like it.
3. White is in. Not just your dress, but the whole reception should be white. Well, if it's not grey. Grey and white! Remember that. Colors are so 2007.
4. Lux is in! Over the top is in! Poor is out out out. Your centerpieces should be like nothing we've seen since Marie Antoinette. Feathers! Glitter! Live birds! Showstopping! Remember, Marie Antoinette may have been a spoiled selfish monster, but she knew how to party. And she ended so well, right? Plus, I'm pretty sure she loved cake!
5. Serve every kind of food you can think of. Each kind at a different food station. I know before we told you that buying two of everything was in, but that was a joke. Ha. Just buy every kind of food you can get your hands on. Ideally, have a professional sommelier to go with each food station. And at least 5 different kinds of wine per cuisine. Oh, and champagne. Also five kinds of champagne. Actually have a wine cellar.
6. Vintage is in! But not poor people vintage, Gilded Age vintage! Ideally, try to get a ring worn by a actual Rockefeller, but if you can't do that, go with a Guggenheim. Did we mention that over the top was in? It is.
7. Make your guests vote on everything. Have polls. Run focus groups. For gods sake, don't pick things because you like it, pick things because other people like it. Also: make sure you have a wedding blog.
   

Well, thank goodness. One down. Or is that two? Do I need two wedding blogs? Ahhhhhh.....

Picture: The Knot's idea of "vintage."

Midsummer Inspiration: Jewel Tones

This week I went back and looked over lots of the lovely inspiration boards that Abby has on Style Me Pretty. Two Boards caught my eye right away. I've loved them for a long time now, and I finally noticed the obvious. Oh! Right! They are both all done in stunning and deep jewel tones. Second obvious fact? Jewel tones are my favorite colors. So, I think I was missing a obvious choice for colors for the wedding. Both of these boards have a lush, midsummer depth to them, which reminds me that I don't have to go the dreaded pastel route!
Thank goodness, David and I have opted for the long and drawn out version of wedding planning, so I don't have to worry much about our color palate or style boards for a while. I think it's a mistake to get locked into colors and details until you know when, where, and what. What are you serving? What will your dress look like? What kind of a wedding party will you have? But, these are inspiring me, and keeping me thinking.

Marraige Is Not An Equal Right (just yet)

Since we've gotten engaged, I've found it personally upsetting that we are getting married in a country where our gay friends still can't legally get hitched. This has always been a issue I cared deeply about, but I was a little blindsided by how personal it suddenly became. Now, David and I are not those heterosexual couples that have decided to wait to get married till everyone can get married (clearly). We think there are more practical ways to fight for that kind of equality. But it bothers us both. We feel a little like we are crossing a picket line. Part of our more intense then expected feelings probably stem from the fact that we happen attend a LGBT focused synagogue here in SF. We know that when we get called to the Torah the Friday before our wedding, we'll be standing in front of our community, the vast majority of whom don't have the right to the legal, financial, and cultural benefits we are about to receive. And that just sucks.

So, we are trying to figure out how we want to deal with this during our wedding. We want to find a way to address this issue without getting too preachy about it. I tend to feel that a wedding is not the right place to drag out my soapbox and climb up onto it. So we are weighing options. We might put a small statement in the program. We've heard of people incorporating a reading from the Massachusetts Marriage Law into the ceremony, but its not super poetic, and it feels a little heavy handed for me. Ariel of Offbeat Bride handed off her bouquet to her lesbian aunts, but we don't have any lesbian aunts!

What do you think internets? Does this bother anyone else? Has anyone come up with a good (and poetic) way to handle this issue? I'm all ears. And for those of you that live in countries with better laws, Mazel Tov. You don't know what you're missing.

The Send Off

It's become derigour for the bride and groom to stay till the bitter end of the party, and then go out afterwards with friends to drink. I totally understand this impetuous, because people are in from all over the country to see you, and its your wedding, who doesn't want it to last longer? That said, we are considering doing something different. Since our wedding will be on Sunday we will have a chance to see people (and well, drink) earlier in the weekend, which is great because it means we can spend our wedding enjoying ourselves instead of greeting people we haven't seen in years. So, I'm thinking that we might go for the good old fashioned send off. We'll have a last dance with everyone else out on the floor with us, I toss my bouquet, everyone else tosses (something we are allowed to toss, birdseed?) at us, we dash to the car and drive away, off to the honeymoon. I think I want to enjoy the first hours of being married on our own with memories of our joyful send off.

What do you think?

Photo via Martha Stewart Weddings.

Cardigan, and something blue

Here is one more for the "I'm going to need something to keep me warm in the Bay Area in August" file. I like how a cardigan takes the formality of a wedding dress down a notch. Plus, you can re-wear your bridal cardigan, which is neat and sentimental.
I'm probably going to do the 'something blue' thing, which is oddly traditional of me, but I like its quaintness. I figure it might as well be my sweater/shrug/shawl and shoes.

Picture by Ann Hamilton, via Brides Cafe

What Your Guests Really Want

With all this talk about "guest-centric" weddings these days, which is a admirable goal, and one we are working towards. Its just that I think we've gotten the teeniest bit confused about what our guests actually want. Some examples:

Your guests might enjoy: Wearing those delicate pink pashminas you picked out to match the bridesmaid dresses.
Your guests WILL enjoy: Getting to wear their own pashmina that they picked out to match their own dress.

Your guests might enjoy: A cigar rolling station. (Well, YOUR guests might, mine would think I lost my mind).
Your guests WILL enjoy: You serving the d*mn food on time (no, not after 3 hours of bridal portraits).

Your guests might enjoy: Those gigantic center pieces you spent a fortune on.
Your guests WILL enjoy: Getting to chat with old friends during dinner. And see them across the table.

Your guests might enjoy: The silver frame you bought them as a favor, engraved with your names and wedding date.
Your guests WILL enjoy: A silver frame.

Your guest might enjoy: That half hour video montage of your lives and your love that you created for the reception.
Your guests WILL enjoy: Actually getting to talk to you one-on-one for five minutes during the reception.

Your guests might enjoy: Watching the dancers you hired to perform the Tango!
Your guests WILL enjoy: Getting to dance to Baby Got Back. Themselves.

Picture: What is that, a monument to your love? Would you want to talk around that?

Thinking Outside The (White) Box

If there is a better argument for thinking outside the box when planning your wedding, I haven't seen it. How is this for a stunning and meaningful bridal entrance? This from the groom:

Our wedding started with us advancing from different directions up to a veil that separated us. By virtue of the time of day, this was what I saw, which caused my heart to stop beating and the whole world slow down.

Pictures from Live Journal via Offbeat Bride.

A Sisterly Veil

Good news! My sister has volunteered to make my veil! Yay! For those of you just tuning in, she's also hand letterpressing our invitations. She's multi-talented, for a virologist. Anyway, the veil! This is exciting since it will save me a sizable amount of money and trouble, and because it will have sentimental value. I don't have a dress yet, but the veil is more or less decided (I think). I'm going with something simple and un-edged and elbow length, like in the picture above. I thought about not wearing a veil at all (more on that later) but I decided I might as well go for it, since that is one accessory I'll never get a chance to wear again. You even can't pull off a veil at the Opera these days. It's a shame.

When I was a flower girl at 9, the one piece of advice that the bride impressed on me was "Always make your own veil. They sell them at ridiculous prices." Being wedding-struck even then, I remembered this information. Twenty years later, its probably even better advice. In One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding (if you haven't read this book you must) you learn that a large part of the profit wedding salons make is in the bridal accessories. And it's easy to tell why. Veils that cost $5 to make routinely sell for $1,000. Thats bridal blindness, right there! In real life would you pay a GRAND for a piece of tulle? Even a bedazzled piece of tulle? I'm going to go with no. So get one made for you, make one yourself, or shop online (but you knew that...)

Picture: Martha Stewart Weddings, Summer 2007

Wedding Budget Wednesday: The Favor

Remember how I talked about brutally slashing parts of your budgets? Well, one potential place to cut is favors. I think favors are great if you and your fiancé have something that you really want to give to all your guests (if David and I do favors, you can bet they'll be wind up plastic monkeys wearing little veils and bow ties), but if you don't, skip it. We've somehow gotten to this place - thanks wedding industry - where we have all been convinced that its rude not to give favors, because it's part of etiquette. If you think this is true, call your mom or your grandmother right now, and ask her what kind of favor she gave out at her wedding. I can guarantee that this is going to be met with silence on the line, and then maybe the question, "What do you mean by a favor, dear?" The reason they are going to say that is because favors have been invented by the wedding industry in the past 15-20 years to give us something else to buy (and stress about). Last I checked, when you hosted a party, you didn't have to give your guests a gift too. "Thanks for coming to my dinner party, I bought you this potted plant!" The gift that you are giving your guests is, food, drink, and the pleasure of sharing your joy. For serious. You are spending a bunch of money on your wedding, you don't have to get them a bridal pez dispenser with your names and the date on it.

If your skipping favors, but you want to do something, what should you do? I think a really lovely gift to give your guests would be a hand written note. If you are doing escort cards, why not just make the cards a little envelope with their name and table number, and inside right each guest a short personal note saying how grateful you are that are here with you on your wedding day. How many times have you spent a boatload of time and money traveling to a wedding, only to talk to the bride or groom for 1.5 minutes, and not have a personal moment? Another (non-wasteful) idea is to let your guests take home floral centerpieces and vases at the end of the night. In the same vein, you can talk to your caterer about boxing up leftovers for your guests if there are any. If you are taking a big group picture at your wedding of you and all your guests (we are!) then you could always print the pictures inexpensively online, or make them into your thank you notes, and mail them out to your guests after the wedding. That will probably go right on their fridge. Ta-da, instant enjoyment.

Now, I know, this is where I'm supposed to recommend that you make a donation in honor of your guests to a charity. I've worked in nonprofit fundraising for years, so I'm always on the side of giving to philanthropy (do it, do it today). That said, somehow this smacks of "you have to spend $XX on favors or you are a poor host, so if you are not buying favors at least give that money to charity." You DON'T have to spend money on favors, so this is silly. If you want to start your married life with charity (tzedaka for the Jews in the house) that’s a great idea! Do it in your own names. And don't put it as a line item on the wedding budget.

Picture: I know, favors are stylish. Why not put a flower on the place setting instead? Something to tuck in the hair! Via Martha.

Twisting The Night Away

This is one of my all time favorite dresses. The thing I love the most about this wedding is the dress, it's stylish, lovely and unique (and it has a deep V in the back, in the center picture, I love that the most). To top it all off it was made by a friend of the bride, which makes it personal too.

In the end, if I end up having a short wedding dress, it may be this series of pictures that helped me make the final decision. If there is one thing I want to do at my wedding it's DANCE (and I want everyone else to be dancing too). At a party I like any kind of music I can dance to: klezmer, R&B, swing, soul, country, rock. I've started to realize that most wedding dresses are not made with serious dancing in mind. Maybe a teary eyed slow dance, but not the hora, the jitterbug, the twist, and the electric slide.

What do you guys think? Can you make a long (non poofy) dress work for dancing? Is short the way to go? What crazy tests should I be doing at bridal salons? (I'm getting a dress made of course, but testing samples at bridal salons.) Thank goodness I ruled out a train already!

Photos via Martha.

Boutonniere's: Or A Flower In The Buttonhole

I've gotten tons of feedback on my post about David not wanting a Boutonnière. Who knew? Apparently all of us are looking for those little ways where the wedding industry is asking us to spend more More MORE and we really don't need to spend anything at all.

With all the buzz, I've done a little bit more research. Miss Manners, the source of all practical and sane advice, recommends a single flower at the button hole rather then "a bouquet." Wikipedia offered up this touching fact: "It is a British practice to place, after a wedding, the flowers from a buttonhole (together perhaps with other wedding flowers), on the grave of a recently deceased member of one of the families concerned."

Thanks to my readers, I learned that the original tradition was that the bride broke off a piece of her bouquet and tucked it into the grooms buttonhole, so the groom was wearing the brides colors (thanks Shannon and Beck). I think this is great! It's simple and it feels far more traditional and less contrived then the boutonnière. We are planning on doing this now. It's going to be easy for us, since in a Jewish wedding you sign the Ketubah before the ceremony, so we can do it then. If you are choosing to not see your groom before the ceremony, you could always send along a bridesmaid with a tiny sprig of your bouquet, or more adorably, a flower girl as your tiny emissary. Or heck, you could skip all that, and he could just put a jaunty flower in his buttonhole.

I really think these are far more meaningful traditions, and the fact that they cost less money is just icing on the cake (Pun intended.)

The Dress Horrors: Highway Robbery Edition

So I stopped by a wedding dress salon on my lunch break the other day, just to see if they had anything that fit the bill. You know: not strapless, not sparkly, not poofy. Since I'm not four, or going to prom, you'd think I'd be in luck. But nooo, of course not. Finally, I found one dress that was a lovely, simple lace sheath. Then I checked the price tag. $5,500.

Can we just take a minute to think that over? Lets assume that this dress was made out of really nice lace, and there was 6 yards of lace in the dress. That means I would be paying $916 a yard, all in, for that dress. $916 a YARD! Did Rumpelstiltskin spin it out of pure gold, do you think? Or am I just being ripped off? It's not even about "can't afford." I'm a determined independent woman with a credit card. I'm sure I could figure out how to pay for it. It's really about "won't pay." I don't like feeling robbed. Plus, I don't like wastefulness.

While I was in the store, I also saw the lovely new layered Vera Wang Dress that the bridal world has been buzzing about (pictured above). And I can tell you, its really pretty, and clearly well crafted. The one problem is, it weighs about 15 pounds, and can stand up on its own. How on earth are you going to have fun and dance at your wedding reception while you are dragging around 15 pounds of dress?

Oh, right. And it's $11,000. Which is a good price. For a car.

By which I mean to say, I think its high time we all stopped acting quite so starry eyed and romantic about weddings. Maybe we want to start this new chapter in our lives with our heads firmly attached to our bodies, making good decisions about spending money. Lets all collectively vow to stop feeling badly about having a wedding on a budget, and start feeling proud. At least we can tell the difference between a good price for a car and a good price for a dress.

Picture via Brides.com

All Time Favorite Table

This is probably one of my favorite tables of all time, and it is exactly what we are going for with the wedding. This table is made from an old bowling lane. I know. When I saw it, I totally insisted that David build one for me immediately, packed him a lunch and sent him off to the junkyard. We're still working on that, but we definitely think we can pull off the mismatched silver vases, and all the tulips.

Picture: In Style Home, Spring 2007 (I scanned it, I can't find it online, sorry).

Dreaming Big: The Kentucky Derby Version

In honor of today's Kentucky Derby, I'm going to tell you one of my big crazy dreams. If we had unlimited money to spend on our wedding, for my bachelorette party (which I'm not exactly sure I'm having in the real world, but anyway) I would fly all of my girlfriends, and my gay guy friends, natch, out to the Kentucky Derby, and buy them all huge and derby hats. We'd teeter around on our heels and in our pearls sipping mint juleps and betting on the races. Being tremendously rich doesn't mean you have to be tremendously boring!
In the end, though, I really think its dreaming big crazy dreams is exactly what you need to have a really cool wedding on not a ton of cash. It just takes a vivid imagination with a dash of organization. Now lets go get 'em!

PS - Illustrating my point about imagination, check out Snippet & Ink's Kentucky Derby Inspiration Board.

Cultural Wedding Inspiration Project

I haven't mentioned it much on this site, but David and I are having a Jewish wedding. This means that we have a wealth of very rich traditions to draw on when we are creating our ceremony and reception. When most people think of Jewish weddings they think of a chuppah and the hora, but there are many more traditions then that. There is the Ketubah, the veiling, the circling, the seven blessings, breaking the glass, the chair dance, and the mezinka, just to name a few.

The challenge that I'm facing is this: fundamentally, Jewish weddings are a different kind of wedding then a Christian wedding, but they are also somewhat different from your average American non-religious wedding. When it comes to trying to plan a stylish and creative wedding the internet, and wedding blogs in particular are (at least for me) the place to go. But the internet has very little to help me plan a stylish Jewish wedding. I want stylish Jewish weddings to inspire me, and I'm working off exactly one: Randi & Jacob's extremely awesome New York Wedding. You can't even search The Knot for Jewish weddings, for goodness sake. I suspect the same is true of any other cultural or ethnic wedding: Hindu weddings, Muslim weddings, Chinese weddings.
So, I throwing this out to you, oh internets, and to wedding blog writers, readers, planners, and photographers. Have you had a cultural wedding? Are you planning a ethnic wedding? Do you have pictures of inspiring cultural weddings? Would you be willing to talk to me about your experience of putting together a wedding that wasn't classically American or Christian? I'd like to collect inspiration, images and resources for couples planning ethnic weddings. And of course, purely selfishly, I want stylish Jewish wedding inspiration.

If you want to help with this project please email me at practicalwedding at gmail dot com. Email me with pictures, thoughts, or if you'd be willing to do a short interview with me about your wedding or planning process. If you know someone who might want to help, send them this link. I'll be linking to this project on the top right of my blog as well, so its easy to find.

Lets do this thing, Internets!

Top Photo, Martha Stewart Weddings (Winter 2007), Bottom Photo: Maggie Mason via Flickr

Engament Photos: This is how it's done

I'm always dubious about engagement pictures, because I'm not sure what I would do with a bunch of cute pictures of us. I'm going to feel awkward enough displaying wedding photos of the two of us, so what would I do with us in street clothes?

But! I'm really into the idea silly, creative, or narrative photos, and Emily over at Emily Style is showing us how its done. Emily and Rob are getting married this fall in Sausalito, and they are having a variety show at their reception. With giant feather fans.
I know. Pull yourself together. It's awesome. Enjoy:I know what I'd do if I had these engagement photos! I'd make a tiny blurb book of them.
(Partial disclosure: David and I have our own harebrained engagement photo ideas, but I can't tell you about them yet.)
Photos by Paul Ferney.

Lessons from the wedding industry

This from Nicole, who's planning a wedding that makes me want to hug her (and who's antique engagement ring is very similar to mine, even!):

-our number one priority should be an amazing and unique reception venue, that no one has been to before, that leaves our guests breathless. if this kind of venue isn't in our budget, we should cut guests from our list.

-our number one priority should be an incredible photographer, who shoots magazine-worthy photos, and will photograph our wedding in a fully artsy and MoMA-worthy style. if our budget doesn't support such a photographer, cut guests from the list so that it does.

Girlfriend, I hear you. I'd rather have all our friends and loved ones delicately nibbling peanuts out of the palms of their hands, then have five people with us eating steak at the plaza. But that kind of thinking isn't going to land me in a wedding magazine, now is it?

Family Style, and trends...

So, we've been thinking about serving our food family style instead of buffet style, because most of all we want our wedding to be a big celebration of our various communities, all under one roof. And what is more communal then passing around food? It's funny though, because family style food is suddenly *the* trendy way to go with weddings, so we're grabbing on to the cultural zeitgeist a bit, which doesn't bother me at all when its such a good idea.

What does tickle me is that family style seems a bit trendy in a 1970's The Dinner Party sort of way... (though we were thinking, achem, plain plates).

Pictures via {frolic!}

Thoughts from the world the wedding websurfing:

• Your wedding is not going to be perfect. The sooner you come to grips with that, the more fun you are going to have enjoying the day exactly the way it is.
• Instead of trying to be one-of-a-kind unique, just try to be yourself. There may actually be a reason that no one in the history of the world has used orange, puce, and teal as a wedding color palate before. (Except you dear reader, if those are your colors. I'm sure you'll style them in a unexpected way. But from me to you, you might want to buy your bridesmaids a drink.)
• Instead of trying to make your wedding memorable, just try to make it happy. I've been to vividly memorable weddings. Trust me, you don't want to have one.

Welcome new (and thrifty) readers!

Oh how exciting, and hello there new readers! I came home to a rash of new comments, and discovered that the lovely and inspiring A $10,000 Wedding did a post about my little blog! Practical and thrifty weddings unite! We can have one really great party (but I'd bring your own a flask). Anyway, I spent years as a non-profit event planner, and now I'm planning my own wedding, and blogging about all of the beautiful and slightly nuts things I'm finding out in bride land. I'm not going to lie, I'm spending a little more then $10,000 on my wedding, but in my defense, I live in San Francisco, and it's EXPENSIVE here. I'm spending $10,000 in Kansas dollars.

In other news, I'm launching a collaborative project later this week, so check back. It's going to be exciting, and I'm going to need your help.

It's pretty... and over my pink limit, I'm afraid.

I don't have much to say about this picture, except, um, I like it, this is the mood I'm going for. And David won't let me get away with this much pink. It's not ever going to happen.

Basically, I just like to post something pretty every day. Now you know my motivations.

Photo via {frolic}

Wedding Budget Wendsday: Creating a Line-Item Budget

I think the first and most important thing you should do for a budget wedding is, well, put it on paper. I know that sometimes people are a little scared of budgets, and would rather not look at the money too closely, with the hope that you can just MAKE the money stretch far enough. My event planning experience tells me that doing that is just going to put you way over budget. This is something I want to continue talking about in more depth, but here are some tips stemming from years of working on events that never had enough money:

• Events almost always go over budget, usually by 10%-20%. If you can, plan for this. Depending on your personality either budget 10% below the amount of money you have, or make sure each line item contains 10% wiggle room.
• Wedding budgets provided to you by the wedding industry are way more complicated then you need or can afford for a simple wedding. The budget on The Knot has 38 categories! When you see things on your budget like hair & makeup, seven different flower categories, favors, limos, and pre-wedding pampering, its hard not to start thinking that you need to have all these things. You don't! Simplify, simplify, simplify. Figure out what you care about the most, and then start brutally cutting items off the list. If you have extra money you can always put things back on the list later. And no, you don't necessarily have to cut guests. For us, at least, we'd rather have more people eating chicken (or heck, cookies and punch), then less people eating steak.
• Don't be afraid to say "We can't afford that." The wedding world, in a genius of marketing, has made it really shameful to say that you can't afford something for your 'big day'. The message is: "Don't you want the best day of your lives? Don't you really love each other? Then you need the best!" I'm here to tell you that you absolutely do not need the best. You need good enough. What you DO need is joy and love aplenty. The rest is just icing. So don't be afraid to look people in the eye and say "We can't afford that. What are our options?" Which brings me to my next point:
• Don't be afraid to negotiate with your vendors. Negotiate kindly and respectfully. Remember that you are asking people to bring their prodigious skills and talents to help celebrate a joyful day in your life. But that said, all packages are guidelines, and there is often room to cut corners. I've had these conversations with managers of huge hotel ballrooms, with tiny wine stores, and with photographers. Listen to what your vendors need. Maybe they can charge less if you only have chicken, or if you have your wedding at an off-time, or if you make it an hour shorter, or if you let them use your photographs for promotional use. See if they can meet you halfway. In the end, you probably don't want want to work with a vendor who doesn't have flexibility anyway.
• Keep up your end of the bargain. If you've negotiated a vendors prices down, make sure you earn that discount back karmically. If you were a vendor, would you want to work with a disorganized, needy, demanding client? Would you want to work with said client for less than your normal fee? Um. Right. Keep that in mind.
  
• Talk to your friends and family. Figure out what their skills and talents are. You don't want to force people to do things for your wedding, but they may have skills that they want to contribute. We are finding that our friends have skills that we never even knew about, and we are thrilled that they are offering to help out. It makes our wedding more of a community celebration.

What other tips to you have?

(Dirty little secret: I work a lot, so I write a lot of posts on the weekends. After I wrote this I read this excellent post at Elizabeth Anne Designs on a very similar theme. I must be on to something!)

A Summer Morning Garden Wedding

David's family was in town this weekend and we got a chance to take everyone out to our wedding venue and look around. His mom seemed pleased with our 'summer morning garden wedding.' And suddenly I realized, OHHHH, we're doing a summer garden wedding. Right! This is a done thing! Even though Saturday night formal weddings are all the rage right now, tons of people have done morning garden weddings throughout the ages, so I have a wealth of images to draw on. And then it hit me, everything we really like goes perfectly with this. I don't want a big poofy ballgown dress with a train, David doesn't want a tux, we do want lots of fresh flowers, we want lots of sunlight and cheer, and we don't want to spend a fortune. The gods were smiling on us when they gave us this time slot! It's beshert!

So, in light of my brand new revelations, I'm posting a picture of a short and simple wedding dress that I love from Martha Stewart Weddings. I love the mid length length veil, the light pink flowers, and the sassy blue shoes. I haven't decided if I want a simple long lace dress (sans train) or a simple short satin dress, but both are perfect for a garden wedding.

Peonies and Polaroids Lovely RSVP Cards

You must check out the gorgeous RSVP cards that were just posted over at the ever lovely Peonies and Polaroids. They made them! So inspiring! Why pay someone to make something for you when you can make something this lovely and unique? (I know, I know, because it's a pain in the *ss to do it on your own!) But the result is staggeringly lovely.

A Little Bit of Magic

Speaking of whimsy, I love this photo of Sara & Martin's wedding over at One Love Photo. Heather's work is charming, whimsical, and pretty (and I admit it, I'm a sucker for pretty). I'm in love with Sara's wedding dress, which is of course a Chrissy Wai-Ching dress. David's brother is getting married this fall (it's a joyful year) and my future sister-in-law will be wearing a Wai-Ching dress. I would wear a Wai-Ching dress on almost every day of the year, but deep down I know I want something white and lace for my wedding day, so my search continues...

Found Inspiration: Whimsy (but sadly no monkeys)

This weekend was beautiful and sunny in San Francisco, so I got to go out and play a bit. Not David though, unless you count studying for law school finals as playing, which I do not. Anyway, I finally got to go to the Pirate Supply Store (826 Valencia) and I was reminded that one of the things I like best about San Francisco is it's delightful sense of play and whimsy. The sell lard! They sell penny whistles! They sell multi colored eye patches! Sadly, they do not sell parrots! Or monkeys!

I can hear you right now thinking to yourself: "This is nice and all lady, but how in the heck are you going to tie this back to weddings?" Well, ah-ha, I will and I can. David and I love both whimsy and all things ridiculous and we clearly need a healthy dose of it in our wedding. And I take inspiration where I can get it.

The Pirate Supply Store website has the most hilarious and least useful FAQ I have ever seen in my life. It's particularly unhelpful since it poses questions, but never answers them. I've decided that we clearly need to use this as inspiration for our wedding website FAQ, except we probably should make sure and answer all the questions. But, how can I resist questions this good:

“Is anything actually for sale?”
“I’m having trouble determining which items are for sale.”
“How do you stay in business?”
“Nobody actually buys anything here, do they?”
“Okay. This has to be a front for something, right?”
“Um. Uh. What in heck is going on here?”**
“Is this a gallery?”
“Is this a hardware store?”
“Oh! I get it! It’s a sailing supply shop, right?”
“Yes, but what is this place really?”

Now, I just have to figure out the wedding version of these FAQ.

**Clearly will apply to our wedding as well.

Less Sass

Forgive my light (and less sassy) posting today. I just worked for 19 hours straight. I'll be back next week with lots of posts, and dare I say... a little project. Watch yourself internets!

Not Monkeys, but Close

One more for the cake topper file. If there is anything David loves *almost* as much as monkeys, it's penguins! Rainsend over on Etsy makes these custom. We'd definitely want them to be a little less traditional penguins (no bows please), but I mean, they are pretty funny. And I like how the girl penguin is talktalktalking away. Not like anyone I know... achem... cough.

Simple Florals Volume II

It's lucky that I like simple flower arrangements, since we are doing our own. I love the silver vases used above. We will have to scour around and see if we can find vases like these (mismatched?) I've also found very passable plastic versions of these vases before, for around a dollar each. I like this arrangement as well, though we'll probably end up staying away from arrangements focused on roses.
I like this picture of a long table with florals and candles down the center, though I would want something with more color.

Photos via The Knot.