A Call For URL's

As you might have noticed, I am less then excellent about updating my blog roll. Blogging is a joy for me, but I tend to squeeze in my writing to small quiet moments in my busy days, so blog rolls and small details sometimes get overlooked. But! In the next few weeks, I want to start putting together a compendium of practical wedding brides and grooms*... a practical reader, if you will. So, all you budget savvy, crafty, and chic bloggers, if you'd like to be included, please leave me your URL in the comments.

Go team practical! (Now lets go save some money).

*un-engaged folks are of course welcome.

Dress Shopping, The Generic Edition

So, I finally swallowed my pride, along with some past bad experiences, and waltzed in the door to David's Bridal. I'm a bride trying to keep on a budget, after all, so pride is overrated. I was expecting everything in the store to be a sparkling, princess, A-line poof - and I was wrong. David's Bridal is in the business of creating designer knockoffs, and business is booming. I told them I was looking for long and lace, and off they trotted. They came back with a few dresses priced from $250 on up. One of them (from their "couture" collection) was $1000 and perfectly lovely. In case I wasn't picking up on the fact that this dress was COUTURE, it was called Monique Lou(huillier of course, was implied). I put on the dress, and I can absolutely tell you, it was a nice dress. Full stop. There was not a thing in the world wrong with it. I looked lovely in it, the lace was nice, I looked like a bride.

And yet, somehow, it left me with a empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I looked like A BRIDE, ie, a dress up doll of a bride. I looked like a bride, but I didn't feel a thing like myself. My inner sass, I'm afraid, was completely muffled.

So here is the crux of the issue. I don't believe in wedding perfection. I don't think that you need to have some life changing transcendental "oh mommy" moment when you put on a dress. I have a great life, thanks, I don't need to find my moment of zen in a wedding dress store. But I do think that we each deserve to feel fabulous on our wedding day, and on my wedding day I would like to feel fully, absolutely, and radically like myself. And I'd rather wear a amazing cocktail dress then a beautiful wedding dress that doesn't feel a thing like me.

So, for gods sakes, you lucky brides with the dress in the closet, tell me there is hope (even if it does not live in David's Bridal.) And if you don't have a dress, you should try ye old David's Bridal. My neurosis should not stop your bargain shopping!

Picture: this homemade dress, this dress has sass. via Our Labor Of Love.

Much Needed Vacation!

I'm off for some southern California vacation. Sitting by the pool, walking on the beach, sleeping in, soaking up the sun, time with family, toasting David's brother's engagement.

I'll see you Monday. Lots of good stuff is coming your way next week, stay tuned.

Happy Fourth of July!

Photo from The Dancing Mermaid's flickr stream

Lovely DIY Friendly Flowers

Me! With the flighty little snippets of style! What is happening to my thinkythinkyness? Preparing for vacation is what is happening. My usual writing will resume next week. Till then, fun!

These two floral arrangements are beautiful, but are also somewhat manageable from a DIY standpoint.

Small arrangements are so much easier to make beautiful then big lush ones, I think. Plus they are great for long tables. I love the mixture of textures here.

Floating flowers in water? Check. Reusing the vases again at home? Check, check.

Top photo, lovely flowers by Housemartin via Black*Eiffel. Bottom photo by Anna Kuperberg.

Weddings On The Other Side Of The Pond

Things the British have right about weddings:

• They give the guests a opportunity to wear fabulous, stylish, over the top hats*
• No garter toss
• No cake smooshing on the face
• A proper sense of restraint and dignity
  

Now, I might be biased, given that my British cousins have had the coolest practical weddings of all time. They got married (respectively) at a lighthouse, a small castle, and a local parish church (which is hundreds of years old, of course) with a reception at the family sheep farm. Why can't we do that? Oh right. No castles or sheep farms. Gah!

So I have this to say to all you UK brides: keep the faith. Don't Americanize your wedding. It's just not worth it.
And I'm not even mentioning the other things the British have right, like tea made properly, marmalade, and London.

*Technically, these hats were worn at a Knighting. But I'll take that in a pinch.

Fun Affordable Wedding Gifts

Mighty Goods*, which is one of my favorite sites on the internet, has done it again. This excellent shopping blog (which is pretty much like having your own personal shopper, as far as I'm concerned) has just published a list of great wedding gifts under $40. It's excellent for wedding season, but also great if your looking for affordable things that you actually want to put on your registry. I'd be thrilled to get any of these things! They also has a top shelf guide up, filled with really unique liquor choices. Ostensibly, it was for fathers day gifts, but it's also good for the wedding gift shopping, I say. Who doesn't need a drink before they walk down the aisle?

*Totally not a sponsored ad, I actually love this site that much. David finds half my presents there. Check it out!

My Ring & Me

This is my new favorite picture of my engagement ring. I took it at the camera obscura down at Ocean Beach. That's the ocean twinkling off the diamond!

My engagement ring and me. We are having something of a tough time of it. David and I found my engagement ring in a antique store (you can read all about the search here), and the ring and I fell in love immediately. It was small and simple, and looked just right on my small hand. It dates from the 1920's, and is subtly art deco. It's unique, it has soul, and it fit perfectly on my hand without having to be sized. When I put it on, the store owner looked at the ring, and looked at me, and said, "Oh, that's your ring." And it was.

But we're having a little bit of a hard time out in the real world together. My ring is somewhat small, and it's simple. Meaning that it's absolutely not what is popular at the moment. Everyone around me seems to be competing in some sort of diamond Olympics. Rings as big as your knuckle! Rings that would feed a third world country for a year! Rings you can not possibly do the dishes in! And subtlety, I get reminded all the time that my ring is little. People look at my ring, and then look slightly disappointed. "It's from the 1920's!" I always rush to say, "It's vintage!" Friends tell me that they love my ring. It's so classy, and tasteful. They want one just like it, they say, but much bigger. "Oh." I say "I have small hands. I wanted one just this size."

But I've noticed that when I'm doing yoga, or at the camera obscura, or at the beach, my ring looks just right. It sparkles up at me and says "Here we are, and we're just right together." Hopefully soon I'll learn to tune out all the other nonsense.
(Also: If you are ever in San Francisco, you have to check out the camera obscura. It's one of the city's hidden gems, and dates back to Playland On The Beach in the 1920's. It costs $3 to get in, and I could meditate on it's ever moving images of the sea for hours.)

Honeymoon Clothes

So, since it's a holiday week here in the states I thought I'd post most some more frothy, slightly less practical goodness. I don't know about you, but I've been stressed out lately, and I need some stress relief!

Emily, over at Emily Style came up with the neat idea of buying some clothes and tucking them away for her honeymoon (they are going on a americana road trip). That way you have cute outfits for your honeymoon snapshots, and clothes you will look back fondly on as honeymoon clothes. So when I saw this dress, I immediately thought of it as a honeymoon dress.
Normally I don't go for a print quite this bold, but this dress says warm night dinner under the stars to me.
Plus, it's convertible! (seen here in black) Which means you can wear it multiple times and feel different and sassy each time. It's a knit, so it won't wrinkle in your bag.

Dress from Nordstrom. I know! It's $216 bucks, but I'm gearing up for vacation, my practical hat is on a little less firmly.

What To Do About Your Big-Day-Dreaming Mother

A few of you have emailed me with that timeless problem: I want one wedding, but my mother (or mother in law) wants another. Except your timeless problem has a twist. You want a simple, practical wedding, and your mother is insisting that it isn't proper to get married without a monogrammed aisle runner, at least five bridesmaids, a unity candle and unity sand, a cathedral length train, and fillet Mignon. What to do?

Well, I'm pleased to say that the answer to this problem couldn't be simpler. You need to go out and buy your mother a copy of Miss Manners On {Painfully Proper} Weddings. Read it yourself first, then wrap it up nicely, and give it to your mother as a sweet gift for helping you plan your wedding. Then, whenever questions come up, say, "Let's look at what Miss Manners says is proper. You know, just to be sure." And your work is done.

My friend Kate once described Miss Manners lovingly as "Our Trojan Horse." By which she meant that at her core Miss Manners is not only practical, she's progressive. But she's wrapped in the armor of etiquette, which translated just means "treating people properly," so not even the most stuck in the mud backwards thinking person can argue with her. When it comes to weddings though, Miss Manners is both my practical icon and my favorite humorist. How can you argue with a woman that said in a recent interview:

"Weddings have become meaningless and, not to say vulgar, and ostentatious. There's a huge industry promoting that. What drives me crazy is that they're always promoting expensive things under the name of, "It's proper to do this," or "People expect it." And they're the very things that are condemned by etiquette, which is not in the business of telling people to go into debt. But the ritual itself, if it could be hacked back to what it's supposed to be, can be very lovely."

So just in time for a holiday weekend I'm telling you, if your mother is stressing you out, go get her this book. And get one for yourself. It's hilarious. And there is not a monogrammed aisle runner in sight.

It's out of the bag now. Now you know my Practical Wedding secret.

A big thank you to Tara, for serendipitously sending me the Miss Manners article. Now go read it, and watch her cut those "weddings are a fantasy" people down to size.

Bridesmaid Gift: Like Sisters

Now that I've talked about the fact that I think expensive bridesmaid gifts are overrated, I'm going switch it up and show you my favorite bridesmaid gift of all time:
This necklace is inlaid with drops of silver representing the seven sisters constellation. For the girls that are like sisters to you. Awwww....

If you want to get them jewelry, get them something like this. Personal, handcrafted, lovely.

Sisterhood pendant by Blue Poppy Jewelry, another kick *ss idea via Mighty Goods.

Groom Guest Post: The Other Point of View

David here, the "better half" at chez practical. I have been asked, well maybe more persuasively requested, to write a guest blog from the other-gendered point-of-view. I've been racking my brain trying to come up with something to write for this first guest blog and decided that it may be best to use my insights into the male mind to aid you all along in the happiest day of YOUR life.

Which brings me to my point: It's not the happiest day in your life. There are many reasons for this. First, I hope to God, for the sake of each and every one of you, that your wedding does not end up being the happiest day in your life. Children, grandchildren, promotions, hell, even a great vacation - these should be the happiest days in your life. The point - they're well ahead of you, perhaps somewhere around the age of 45 (and if you ARE 45, let's say 75). Most importantly, though, and I know that the industry is myopically unaware of this fact, there is another person there: Your Groom (my apologies to my LGBT friends for this gendered post).

I know, sometimes he doesn't seem to be listening as you tell him about the great dress you just saw online. But let me just remind you that sometimes you do this in the middle of something he's watching on tv. But trust me, he's interested. But here's the sticky part, he's not interested in every detail. Think "He's just not into you", with "you" replaced by fill-in-the-blank (flowers, placecards, centerpieces). Let me repeat this for the back of the room, he's not interested. No, this doesn't mean he secretly-has-an-opinion-but-he-
is-afraid-to-say-it. I have this conversation all the time with Meg - sometimes my mind is a blank slate of opinion.** No amount of sitting down and reflecting on my feelings is going to change that. It's done. There's nothing there. Live with it.

But just because he's not interested in all the details, doesn't mean he doesn't care about the wedding reflecting both of your tastes. For example, I put down my foot: No Pastels! I can't stand the flowery, poofy, pastelly "romantic" look. And you know what? If I really can't stand it, it shouldn't be in the wedding. I want to be able to look back at pictures of my wedding day and think that the lack of pale blue/light pink color combinations was because it was OUR wedding, and not just my partner's.

So just like you need to sit down with your parents and ask them what they feel is important (because it's not just the collective YOUR day, it's partly their day too), ask your partner. If it's only one thing, your job is easy. If it's more, listen to the reasons. If there are no reasons, don't push. Sometimes there are no reasons. The male mind is one big Id sometimes, and that's ok.

**Note from Meg: It's just that I can't imagine not having a opinion about something. Heck, if I don't care, I make up a opinion just so I can have a point of view. One of the many reasons I'm a DELIGHT, I tell you!

Picture: What David secretly dreams our wedding will look like. Or did he say it was his nightmare? Can't remember. From here.

Wedding Sexism

Since we've started planning our wedding, I've heard more sexist comments I've ever heard in my life. Weddings seem to be the last frontier of totally accepted gender stereotypes. We've routinely had people say things like "Well, it's a wedding, I'm sure the groom doesn't know a thing about the plans." or "All the groom wants is to get through the wedding so he can get to the honeymoon." And then there are the condescending things people say just to me. When I was going dress shopping people who found out would say things like, "Well, try not to break the bank. You know you only wear it once." or "Remember, it's just one stupid day. Try to reign in the spending." Right. Because I clearly am not planning a, um, practical wedding.

But I do see how we've gotten here. When you look around the wedding world, it's pretty common to see weddings where it seems clear the groom didn't have a whole lot of say... unless his favorite color is hot pink, and his number one obsession is princesses and kittens. And much of the discussion of grooms tends to be about how to keep them doing what they are told, not how to make sure that the wedding reflects both of you.

I'm lucky to have a really actively involved planning partner. David and I used to run a small theatre company together, so we already know what our complementary strengths are. He does graphic design, builds websites, builds things out of wood, and handles general artistic directorial questions. I run budgets, plan the schedules, manage hiring, and have tons of opinions. (Oh yes, and I write a wedding blog. But don't confuse that with the actual planning!)

I know that we are not the only two people out there planning our wedding as a team. How do other people co-manage the wedding? What do your partners care about and what could they care less about? And how do you both handle the ever present wedding sexism?

Picture: Look how important men are in a wedding! No heads! From here.

**Coming tomorrow - a guest blog on this very same subject from my favorite person, my fiance! Please welcome David with open arms, and lots of comments. He loves comments.**

Heidi & Gerhard's Lighthouse Wedding

If I could only have one lofty goal for this website, it would be that I would help make small and simple weddings fashionable again.

There are a million places publishing the worlds expensive weddings, and the message is clear! If we were willing to spend a $100K on our wedding, we could make it amazing(ly expensive). But today I have another great example of a small, simple, affordable wedding that was everything you could wish for and more.
Heidi and Gerhard got married at the Point Bonita Lighthouse in Sausalito California, which is still a working lighthouse (squeal! hand clapping!) I see this lighthouse everyday from my walk, and I am totally in love with it.
At the very beginning of the service, all 20 guests introducing ourselves to one another, to show that they were there not just as guests, but as a loving community of support for the marriage. Then everyone stood in a semi circle around Heidi & Gerhard, facing the Golden Gate Bridge. Their friend performed the ceremony, and they had a few other friends do readings.
How adorable is this picture? It captures the rustic beauty of the surroundings, and the simple joy of the day. The couple had their friend Emily take the stunning photographs.
After the wedding, everyone went to To in Sausalito for a celebratory meal. The next day, the couple hosted a reception for 70 people at home, with simple food, wine, and lots of swing dancing.
I love simple weddings so much. I love that the focus is on the couple, and the commitment that they are making. I love that they are affordable. And I particularly love that they can take place with little notice in the most beautiful of locations.

See, now, don't you suddenly want to have a simple private ceremony at the courthouse or at your local lighthouse, in your best suit with a clutch of fresh flowers?

I do.

Many thanks to photographer (and reader!) Emily Perello for sending me this wedding. You know how people are always telling you to find a affordable photographer who is just starting out, and is really talented, and you think to yourself, "yeah, I'm so sure that's possible"? Well, Emily is your girl. Northern California couples, go get her! (and tell her your a practical couple).

One Year Ago Today

I'm posting these lovely wedding invitations with images of Brooklyn because we left our home in Brooklyn with a moving van filled will all our earthly belongings exactly one year ago today. It feels like just moments ago, but today I'm overwhelmed with longing for New York, all of our sweet east coast friends, hot summers, Olive Vine Cafe, the subway, Prospect Park, and nights in Park Slope where it seemed like you were in Paris.
And I miss our amazing one week road trip across the country. What should have been a horrible chore was one of the great joys of my life, thanks to David (additional thanks also goes to This American Life, Best Western, my cousin for getting married in the middle of our road trip, our friend Peter in Iowa City house sitting the magic house, our trusty camera, Penske, and my compulsive organization).

So (especially with the dollar sucking the way it is right now) I recommend both New York City and road trips as excellent honeymoon options.

Pictures via Brooklyn Bride

A New Fangled Problem With A Old Fashioned Solution?

I'm not changing my name after our wedding (I asked David very nicely if he would like to change his, and thus far he has said no. Hence, un-matching names.) These days, with the variety of name options available, I suspect wedding guests want to know what name you are going with, and we'd like a more formal way to tell them then word of mouth.

So, what to do? The best solution I've heard is to include the very old fashioned "At Home" cards with our invitation. These cards were once used to formally announce the newlyweds address and the date they would be taking up residence, so you could drop by for a spot of tea, or send a letter. These days, with the addition of the couples names, they can be a great way to let people know what the heck you will be going by. Ours would read something like this:

Ms. Meg Herlastname
Mr. David Hislastname
will be at home
after September first
123 Union Street
San Francisco, CA

We'd include these cards with our wedding invitations. They are adorable and old fashioned, and have the extra practicality of being small enough to stick in your address book or rolodex for future reference. Another benefit? These might prompt people to stop by for that spot of tea! Thus far this is the best, and most practical idea I've heard. Does anyone else have other tips and ideas to save well meaning family and friends from wild name confusion? What do you think of At Home Cards?

The cards might look something like these from The Mandate Press, Via Mighty Goods

Beirne & Adam's Vermont Camp Wedding

You know how every single week I have a new favorite wedding? Riiiggghhhtttt. Well, welcome to my new favorite. Bernie wrote me a sweet email about how my blog and her wedding style totally mesh, and heck yes they do! This wedding isn't about the detail shots, or the favors, or the monogrammed aisle runner. This wedding is about wanting to leap through the screen of your computer so you can BE THERE, celebrating with them, right now.

And for all you planning couples out there, Bernie wrote that it was a long hard slog to figure out how to do a wedding that was totally "them," but, boy did they ever. Which is to say, we all can do this thing! They did this whole fabulous wedding for $6,000, including renting a summer camp in Vermont for a whole weekend, so their friends and family could stay and hang out for FREE! What was the magic cost saving secret? Lots of hard work and research, of course, but also having family and friends pitch in and help with everything.
Their friends made the wedding cake, took the photos, and helped them decorate with farmers market flowers and fairy lights.
Bernie and Adam met as rock climbing instructors, and they wanted to have a wedding that really reflected who they were, their personalities, priorities, and values, which clearly included having a bunch of fun. The morning of their wedding everyone gathered to play croquet and bocce, and the couple encouraged people to wear old bridesmaid dresses, old prom dresses, or generally ridiculous outfits. That's the bride in pink!
And here are the bride and the groom dancing.
Then the bride and the groom changed into wedding attire and headed down to the waterfront for the wedding.
You know how you're suppose to give your photographer a shot list? Now I'm considering adding "David eating Meg's nose" to ours.

Their rings were made by a friend of the family, Fire & Metal Jewelers, and I'm in love with them. The line on the rings is the outline of a mountain range that they hiked together.
Bernie and Adam were married in a Quaker ceremony. Afterwards, in keeping with the Quaker tradition, everyone present signed the marriage certificate, signifying their support for the marriage.
And then they partied long into the night. Which is my idea of happily ever after.

Photos By Kristine Larson

Jessamyn Harris Photography: Same Sex Wedding Photography Giveaway

To celebrate the California Supreme Court Ruling on gay marriage, Jessamyn Harris is giving away free wedding photography for a same sex wedding taking place at San Francisco or Santa Rosa City hall this summer. Above a photo of Jessamyn's wedding at San Francisco City Hall, so you can see why she's so excited about this! Check out her website to find out all the details, and please email this around to anyone you know who might be interested. Jessamyn will pick the couple who's story captures her imagination the most. I can't wait to see the pictures!

Remembering What It's All About

So, as you all know, gay marriages were legally performed in California for the first time this week (hooray!) David and I went down to City Hall on the very first day to cheer the happy couples, and it is something I will remember forever. Watching couples who have been together for years finally get the legal right of marriage was such a important reminder of what all this wedding stuff is about. It's not about our colors, or our favors, or the big party, or even about the beautiful dress. It's about the privilege of pledging to share your life with someone.
We watched a young lesbian couple in full wedding dress do a celebratory waltz across the steps of city hall. We watched two dads hold up their marriage certificate as they balanced their sons on their hips. We watched two 70 year old woman walk with quiet dignity out of the doors. And we watched these two adorable men bounce out of city hall grinning from ear to ear.
This is what it's all about. Sharing our lives with each other. Making a new family together. And on Tuesday night, David and I were shown how it was done.
The world is changing, and it's such a honor and a privilege to be here as it does. Hooray for marriage!

Pictures via The New York Times, and SFGate

Budget Wedding Myths: The Bridal Party

While we are on the topic of budget wedding tips that are not super helpful, lets talk about another common one: “A good way to cut back on the cost of your wedding is to cut the size of your bridal party, since a major hidden cost of weddings is the bridal party gifts.” Now, we are not having a large bridal party, and I know that lots of you are not choosing to have a bridal party at all. But! If you want to have your friends standing up with you on your wedding day, you should be able to have that, even if you don’t have a big budget.

I’m not sure when we all decided that it was mandatory to give expensive bridal party gifts, but it's silly. Can you imagine if one of your best friends were getting married, and you found out she hadn’t asked you to be a bridesmaid because she felt she couldn’t afford to give you a nice enough gift? Right. Because being a bridesmaid is clearly something you do because you’re hoping for a big payoff.

So, with that in mind, I thought I would draw up a short list of what I think are the best possible gifts you can give a attendant, or anyone who helped you and supported you during your wedding.

1. Let the girls wear their own dress! Let the guys wear their own suits! That sh*t is a PRESENT. If you want everyone to match, give the girls their dress as a present, and give the guys a nice tie, or pay for their tux rental.
2. Don't make them pay travel all over the country/world/universe for your bachelorette party in Vegas/Italy/Mars. Again, that in itself, is a present.
2. Write your attendants a letter, telling them how much they mean to you. Awww….
3. Give everyone a nice picture frame, and when you get your pictures back, give them a picture of the two of you on your wedding day. Really, that is all I want when I’m in a wedding. Access to the cache of professional pictures.
4. Pick up something for them on your honeymoon, if you are taking one. It doesn’t have to be expensive. They’ll appreciate knowing you were thinking about them at that truck stop in Idaho.
5. And of course, you can always buy indie. Check out One Small Star’s excellent gift guide here.

What are you guys giving your attendants/ wedding helpers? I mean *other* then the diamond and ruby tiara from Tiffany's. Obviously. What gifts would you want as a attendant/ wedding helper?

Photo via MaggieMacPhoto's Flickr stream

Thank You, and Welcome!

A big thank you to Elizabeth Ann Designs for featuring A Practical Wedding as blog of the week (and for calling me hilarious. I mean, we all know I'm honest, but hilarious might be up for debate.) Also, welcome to new readers, come join the party!

If you don't read Elizabeth Ann Designs (which is probably impossible in the wedding blog world), you must check them out. They are doing purple week this week, and anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE all things sparkly and purple, and that David is just not going to let that fly at our wedding. I suggested a sparkly purple tux and everything, and he told me to put down the d*mn Martha Stewart, and snap back to reality.

Sigh.

Awesome inspiration board via Elizabeth Ann Designs, of course. I'm re-tiling the bathroom to look like this and buying the dress NOW! Swoon.

A Simple Bodega Bay Wedding

A while back, I sent Kathryn of Snippet and Ink a picture from this wedding for her week of Beach Wedding inspiration boards, and she used it on a stunning Northern California beach board. But this wedding just wouldn't stop haunting me, with it's striking Northern California beauty, it's quirky style, and it's simple joy. So I decided I had to share this Bodega Bay wedding, as photographed by the talented Jude Mooney.
This bride clearly had her own personal style, and I love that you can see it in the way she dressed, and the flowers that she held. Sometimes I think that wedding dresses can serve to muffle your inner sass, and wrap you up in the perfect bridal package, but that is so not going on here!
One of the things that I love best about small simple weddings, is that the focus is put back where it belongs. A wedding is, in essence, a sacred ceremony followed by a celebratory party, and when you strip back all the details and extras, that is what you see.
I love that giddy joy when couples are walking back down the aisle, newly married.
This is one of my new favorite wedding pictures. I walk on San Francisco beaches every day, and they have a rugged charm that is all their own. By not dressing up the ceremony site, they let the natural beauty shine right through.
Joy... both the best wedding makeup, and all you really need.
The simple beach ceremony was followed by a celebratory restaurant dinner. That gives you the feeling of being in Tuscany sharing wine and good food with family and friends.

This wedding is magic to me. The pictures capture exactly what we want: to be ourselves, to be with our loved ones, to have a simple and sacred ceremony, and then to eat and toast with much laughter and mirth.

The rest is really just details.

**Update: So I'm sure you're not going to be shocked by this info, since cool couples often roll like this, but the bride made her awesome dress right before the wedding, and the groom found his suit in a thrift store. Thanks to Jude for the info. Northern CA brides, check her out!**

Budget Wedding Myths: The Guest List

When you are trying to plan a wedding and stay on *any* sort of budget, you end up paying really close attention to budget wedding planning tips. Sadly, lots of the tips that get passed around are not super helpful. The tip you hear most often is that the first thing a budget bride should do is cut down her guest list. Now, if you and your partner want a small ceremony and reception, this is great advice, because it’s the easiest way to make your wedding affordable. That said, if you have a big group of family and friends you want to celebrate with, this advice is enough to make you tear your hair out. You can’t invite your Great Aunt Sue because you don’t have a lot of cash? No fair! To you or Aunt Sue! More then a few tears have been shed over this nugget of budget advice, believe you me.

So, I’m going to step in, and say that there is another way. Miss Manners, she of the wise advice, has ruled that we should first think about who needs to be at the wedding, and then think about what we can afford to feed them. Hear, hear! No matter what you might think from reading some of the wedding glossies, it is not rude if you fail to serve your guests fillet mignon and shrimp. It’s not even impolite if you don’t serve your guests a meal at all. The old fashioned wedding, after all, involved punch and cake on the church lawn, and punch and cake is still a proper way to go (with or without the church).

When I was eight, I was a flower girl in a wedding cake and punch wedding, and it was great fun. The church in question had a large lawn, light appetizers were served, along with mounds of cake and cookies. The kids all had punch, and the adults had champagne. I remember loving it (Hello? Punch + Cake + Pretty Dress + Game of Tag = Best Wedding Ever) and the adults had a grand time chatting and drinking. The bride’s brother played his bagpipes for the end of the service, and the highlight of the party was when the bagpiper started up the pipes, the brides sisters jumped up, grabbed the bride, and they all three performed a lively impromptu Scottish jig on the middle of the lawn, in full wedding garb. That will be one of the wedding moments I remember that for the rest of my life, and it was free.

So. I don’t care what all the budget wedding guides say, you can stay within your budget, invite all your loved ones, and still have a memorable (and stylish) time. And you will still think back on your wedding 50 years hence and get misty.

**Update: with awesome blogging synergy, it just so happens that Kathryn of Snippet and Ink posted a Punchy Luncheon inspiration board today! You can see a previous punch and cake inspiration board as well, both proving that you can do this with great style.**

Picture via Myrtle & Marjoram Photography (Thanks Kathryn!)

Dress Shopping, The Lovely Edition

There haven't been many updates of late about the Practical Wedding itself, but that's just because when you are 16 months away from your wedding most news days are slow news days. And too much of us is tres boring, no? But, this weekend, I went wedding dress shopping with two of my girlfriends, and it was so much fun that I had to fill you in on the details.

We started with brunch at Brenda's French Soul Food, which was indescribably tasty. Always fatten yourself up before dress shopping, I say. Next, we decided the easiest way to get where we were going was by cable car, so on we hopped. The cable car trundled it's way up the hill, right past Grace Cathedral, where my parents got married 33 years ago. I got a little teary then, for the only time that day.

Our appointment was at a high end dress shop with a huge selection. It was filled with dresses I couldn't/wouldn't afford, but I was getting desperate. I hadn't seen a single dress that I was even vaguely willing to consider, and without some real ideas, it seemed impossible to even think about getting a dress made, or visualizing it into existence, or whatever the game plan is.

I ended up with the worlds nicest helper. When I told her I didn't care about prices since I was just getting ideas, not buying, she actually clapped and hopped up and down. Off she tore to the vault o' bride, from whence she emerged with at least 10 dresses. I've heard a lot of brides say they went into the shopping experience with firm ideas, and came out with a different dress. But stubborn me? Nope. Everyone thought my idea of long and lace was a little dubious and possibly old fashioned, until I put one on. And then, happiness and joy! Long and lace was lovely! Of course it was $5K, so did not buy it, but at least I know what I like (though retro dress shopping approaches apace!)

Funniest moment of the day? Me standing in front of a mirror in a ginormous wedding dress with a long train, a cathedral length veil, and some fake flowers.

Girlfriend: (teary)
Me: Huh.
Girlfriend: Oh, if only David could see you now!
Me: I think he'd say that this was a little bit much.
Girlfriend: God, remind me not to marry someone that cynical. I need some romance.

Now a sneak peek of the dress that cost too much, with the train that I am to clumsy to have: