Sponsor Introduction: MagnetStreet Weddings

I'm pleased to introduce a new practical wedding sponsor - MagnetStreet Weddings. The other week we were discussing Save The Date options, and many of you suggested magnets as Save The Dates. Guests love seeing a cute picture of the couple, stick them up on the fridge, and end up getting far more use out of them then any other wedding related item. MagnetStreet Weddings offers chic and easy affordable Save The Date magnets. Two of my favorites are this This chic photo magnet:
And this photobooth style magnet.
I think these would also work really well as casual invitations, if you put all of the detailed information online. There are two ways to work with MagnetStreet Weddings. One, I like to call the sanity saving way: you upload your photos, order the magnets, and then pour yourself a drink - you're done. Two: you can work with their designers to customize your magnets to reflect your personal style. Best of all? Most of the magnets cost cost $1-$2 a piece. Go take a look.

Practical Save The Dates

First of all, I owe you all a huge thank you. I was freaking out about our Save The Dates recently, which is a nice way to say I was freaking out about wedding stress (how is it that even when you try not to stress about weddings, you stress about weddings?). You all were so supportive in the comments, sharing tales of stupid wedding fights, and crafty Save The Date ideas. A few of you emailed me your amazing Save The Dates, and gave me permission to share them. Here we go:
This email Save The Date comes from two writers. It's simple, but so effective.
This email Save The Date cracks me up! This was a snapshot of their real fridge, turned into a wedding announcement. Apparently guest had tons of fun guessing the fridge contents and finding things on the fridge.
This cool DIY Save The Date has a map inside, marked with places in New York that are important to the couple (and got our creative juices flowing!) See more details over here.

The wisest words came from Jessica who said: You know, it doesn't matter if something is cliche or everyone does it - just draw something you like and send it out! Think of it as an invite for a really kickass, over the top dinner party.

Our Save The Date is now under construction... when they go out, I'll update you.

The Good And The Bad

This week, I feel compelled to write a little list of things I'm loving and hating around the wide world of weddings. Disagreement is fine, as always. Rock your opinions in the comments (kindly):

The bad:

• The new trend of mandating your guests attire. Sure, you can tell people it's semi-formal, it's casual, it's a garden wedding, and let them run with it. They'll be grateful for the guidance. But by the time you are telling people that the dress code is "seersucker suits for men and brightly colored cocktail dresses for women," as the New York Times reports this week, you can stick a fork in it, because you're done. Your wedding is not a fashion shoot, and you are not a dictator.
• Gay Weddings By The Knot. I suppose you can say that you know we are making progress when same-sex couples are being subjected to the ridiculous dictums of the wedding industry, and goodness knows gay couples need more resources. But here is the thing: this is separate but equal, and we learned in the last civil rights movement that separate is not equal. The Knot is not linking to its new gay weddings site from it's main page. It's not featuring gay weddings on its main site. It clearly doesn't want to offend its "more traditional" brides. I'm sick and tired of how the wedding world consistently sweeps LGBT weddings under the rug, and I'm not going to be quiet about it.

Now, on to the happy. I'm loving:

• Peonies and Polaroids unexpected splurge on wedding shoes after creating the world's most beautiful, most budget, most heartwarming wedding. In particular, I love her Aunt's comment "No pockets in a shroud, as Granny says." It takes a little of the pressure off, and makes me smile and breathe more deeply.
  
• This idea for a "Being the Change You Wish To See In The World" party. How great would that be for a shower, or a bachelorette party? Nothing makes you feel better then doing something kind, and a scavenger hunt where you deliver flowers to a nursing home, give canned goods to a soup kitchen, and give a candy bar to a security guard on duty? That's my kind of party (especially if you end the night with cocktails).
• These kind words from the new blog The Sweetest Occasion made my day.
• The New York Times scores one with a quirky simple wedding in the vows section. The best part: "In November 2006, 11 months after they met, he gave her a ring box — with the yellow stone inside. “I told her, ‘You are my yellow stone,’ ” he remembered. Then, magician-like, he opened his other hand, which held an engagement ring. She accepted, though she does not think of him as her yellow stone. Instead, she said "He is a piece of sun-warmed granite I can lean my back against.”

Other then that, all I can say is that with all the economic turmoil going on right now, it's nice to re-focus on the point of getting married - sharing your life with someone you love. We may not all be able to have wildly expensive weddings right now, but you are just as married if you go to city hall and have a picnic in the park to celebrate.

Photo via the New York Times

Betwixt and Between Brides (and grooms)

When Amanda wrote me about her gorgeous picnic wedding, she said that she had felt that with her budget she felt a little betwixt and between. She felt judged by the lavish over the top brides for spending "so little," and judged by the super-budget wedding crowd because they spent "so much." This really hit home with me. We have a wedding with a very similar budget, and live in a urban area where everything is staggeringly expensive, and weddings are once-in-a-lifetime events. I can't even talk about my wedding in many social situations in the city, because when people find out that we are trying to keep things small and simple they either flat out don't believe me, laugh at me for being "naive," or look at me with a mixture of scorn and pity and change the subject. But as someone who writes about and promotes small and simple weddings, sometimes I feel like I'm not meeting other peoples standards for a practical wedding.

To be clear, I'm not very dogmatic about weddings. If having a $5 million fireworks display after your first dance works for you, and you can afford it (and think it is in good taste) I raise my eyebrows at you but you may carry on. There are many, many, resources for you, so I'm not too worried. But for the rest of us... I thought we all needed a place to chat, and a place to feel good about our weddings. My site, though, is not "A Super-Budget Wedding" (much as I love-love them), it's a practical wedding, and practical is in the eye of the beholder. For us, over here, we work all-the-d*mn-time. There are decisions that we make about weddings by picking what is going to take the least time, and give us the most bang for our buck. It's not always the cheapest option, but it's the option that keeps us sane. And TRUST me when I tell you that keeping sane is a #1 priority for me. As much as I love the idea of self-catering, it's just not practical for us, and we're hiring a caterer. I love weddings where the groom gets his suit at a thrift store, but David wears suits to work, so he's wearing a (new, his preference) brand name suit. Why not? He'll wear it for years.

Which brings me to my point: Why is every level of wedding planning fraught with so much judgment (perceived or real) and so much guilt? As a bride, there are days that I simultaneously feel guilty for not inviting more people to the wedding and not inviting less people to the wedding, for not spending more on my dress and for not spending less on my dress. The wedding world often leaves us between a rock and a hard place, feeling alone, and searching for options.

I started writing this blog to help myself feel less alone in the wedding planning process, and as it has grown, the best thing that has come out of it is watching a small community emerge of practical brides and grooms holding hands a bit for balance as they try to find their own way. So lets all keep holding hands, and remember, the grass is not actually greener at someone else's wedding.

Do you feel betwixt and between planning your wedding? Maybe for you it's not your budget, but something totally different.

I love this photo of a bride taking a deep breath, by the fantastic Anna Kuperberg

Blue Skies And Broken Hearts

I was at home, just blocks away that day, and seven years later I remember as if it were yesterday. Thank you to the fireman who rushed past us, running in as we tried to get out. Thank you to the policeman who held our hands and calmed us in the midst of all the smoke and confusion, who told us it was going to be fine even when they knew it was not. Thank you to the New Yorkers who showed more kindness and humanity then I have ever had the honor to witness. My thoughts and prayers are with those who's hearts are heavy today.

Take a minute to think of all that there is to be grateful for, right here and right now. It is so very much.

I'll be back here with more weddings tomorrow.

My Sponsor Policy

So, you might have noticed that over on the left side of the blog I now have sponsors. Or as I like to think of them, Sponsors! Weee! Soon you will start seeing introductory posts, where I give you a idea of who these sponsors are. I'm excited to get to share some of the cool indie wedding resources that I love with you. Sponsors help support this site, and will help me bring you more and more practical content.

I know you guys, Team Practical, approach wedding spending in a variety of different ways. Some of you are spending next to nothing on our weddings, and I applaud you! Many of you, however, are spending an amount of money that seems like a HECK of lot, whether that is $5,000 or $25,000, and you want to figure out to spend that money responsibly. Hopefully I can introduce you to cool, independent wedding elves, that provide good practical options for spending that wedding dough. Not every sponsor will be right for every one of you, and that is fine. Each couple here has their own priorities, and spend their money accordingly, and that is one of the things that makes your weddings so incredible.

And for you practical wedding elves out there, I've made sure to price my ads very reasonably, to help small indie vendors build their businesses.

Here is to more creative, thrifty, and sane!

Practical Weddings In The News

Suddenly tons of news articles are popping up about budget weddings (hello tanking economy!), and I'm enjoying the feeling that Practical Weddings are sweeping the nation. Hello wholesale flower district, and goodbye "It's all about the details." I like the fact that an ever growing group of us is moving away from the huge fancy over the top wedding, and back to the sweet simple emotional core of the ceremony.

The LA Times has this to say about a savvy budget bride:
Her bridal gown is actually an ivory-colored prom dress that she picked up for $160. The flowers will be purchased wholesale from the flower district in downtown Los Angeles the day before the wedding. And she's getting married to her fiancé, Scott Smith, on a Sunday, when location fees are usually cheaper.

The Washington Post talks about how even celebrity weddings are scaled down this year, highlighting Ellen and Portia's 19 person backyard fete (editors note: gay weddings these days in California are often between long time couples who have considered themselves married for years, the courts be d*mned. In these cases, you usually don't have the need for quite as huge a party. Your lives together are the celebration.)

And this amazing Washington Post article chronicles the planning of an Anti-Wedding, and you must read it immediately. It starts with blithe confidence that an anti-wedding will be easy to plan (been there!) and then runs into the fear that it will be impossible to plan (I fear this every day):
Suddenly, it seems possible that we can't do this, that there is no way to pull off the sane, stuff-free wedding of our couple's dreams. We are stymied by the twin conformist monsters of The Knot and The Man.

But, ah, it has a happy ending:
The couple stands together under an umbrella, flanked by no attendants, facing their guests. They kiss, once in the beginning, once in the middle and once at the end. They elbow each other, like kids with a secret. They announce that they tried to figure out something to say in the way of vows and decided not to. And they are married.

I love it! Suddenly practical/offbeat/indie weddings are getting real live mainstream press ink. Isn't it nice to be on the cutting edge? How fantastic is it when the zeitgeist finally catches up with the rest of us? *clinks glasses* Cheers, all!

Picture via the LA Times, yay wholesale flower marts!

Amateur DIY Wedding Flower Tips

Everyone seemed excited and interested by my DIY flower dry run, so I thought I'd post wildly unprofessional tips, tricks, and thoughts on floral decorating.

• Don't be scared. I'm not sure how we got so convinced that flowers were scary, but flowers are not scary. People have been doing flowers for weddings for thousands of years.
• Forget this "I'm an amateur, I should do something really simple, and not mix flowers" idea. Where did we even get that?
• Pin up pictures of arrangements you like and let them inspire your decorating.
• Mix textures, mix flowers, mix color. Be brave.
• Use crazy flowers! And herbs! And spiky things! And leaves! And twigs! And feathers!
  
• Too much of just the colors you love will be bland, use something different to make it pop (yellow or white for dark colors work really well)
• Work in pairs. One person will be your eyes while you are the worker bee. Then switch.
• Remember scale. Just because you can afford to have flowers the size of your head doesn't mean you want to have flowers the size of your head. Or maybe you do. Just remember that flowers are heavy.
• Make your peace with the fact that your flowers will not be perfect, and that you'll need to make them the day before (hot tip: if you paid for the flowers they wouldn't be perfect either, but you would pretend that they were).
• Every time you make something, sit back and guess how much a florist would have charged you for it "$75!" you'll say, "No, maybe $150!" Then applaud your cost savings (feel free to be wildly inaccurate with these numbers).
• Throw a flower decorating party the day before your wedding. Provide lots of wine and/or tea. You are not there to be the flower slave driver, you are the guest of honor, and are there to be spoiled. Remember that.
• On your wedding day, enthusiastically throw that bouquet in the air on the way out the door. Forget having a "tossing bouquet." After all, if you want your wedding bouquet later, you can just make a new one!

Krystal & Patrick's Happily Ever After Party

I've been inundating you with reader weddings of late, but I have so many good ones! Keep them coming. It's such a honor to get to share them with you all.

This uber-practical reader wedding involved the couple's children, a passel of adorable babies, and some of the hippest trends around. Krystal and Patrick got Weddinged at a 'Happily Ever After Party' at their home in Santa Cruz, after marrying last year at Patrick's parents home.
This wedding had many practical touches. The bride wore a killer BCBG dress (along with some beautiful ink!). The couple set up a registry with Global Giving, so people could give donations in their honor to various chosen causes, like the Boys and Girls Club in Baton Rouge, or, to build schools in Laos.
Their invites were posters made by etsy seller Unless Someone Like You.
They went to Trader Joe's the day before of the party and bought all the tulips in the store, and gave their guests mustaches on a stick just for fun.
For favors, the couple bought local honey and bottled it themselves, and tied them with family pictures.
Krystal says: "Patrick and I utilized the multitude of talent surrounding us. My son played guitar, Pat's friend BBQ's Oysters, other friends made vegan cupcakes and sushi, helped decorate, took photos, served food, sang. I worked at a local coffee shop in town and the owner graciously donated fabulous coffee for the evening. "
I love this picture of Krystal and Patrick enjoying their son's performance!
And here are their two sons chilling out. Check out that wee clip on tie!
They had a kids table set up with mad libs, clay, crayons, balloons, little toys, hula hoops (which the grown ups used more)...
And really, I'm not sure how you top this cuteness...
Except with THIS! Which just goes to show you, even a cocktail party wedding won't keep the cool babies at bay.

Sarah & Bryan's Over-The-Top Dinner Party

A few weeks back, after I posted this amazing wedding, lots of commenters did a little jig of joy, pointing out that there are very few resources and models for parents getting married. With that in mind, I am thrilled to share Sarah and Bryan's Seattle dinner cruise wedding. The pictures of the bride and groom with their son melt my heart.
Couples Names: Sarah & Bryan

Ceremony/Reception: Parsons Garden/Royal Argosy Cruises
What Made Your Wedding Creative: Since most of our guests were from out of town and first time Seattle visitors we thought it would be perfect to have the ceremony at a historic Seattle park and then a dinner cruise reception on the Puget Sound. It’s a fantastic way to take in the city. We had a view of the skyline, the breathtaking sunset and Mt. Rainier. Plus it was a full moon. Everyone was so grateful and commented on what a unique and creative idea it was.
What made your Wedding Thrifty: We concentrated on the Big Picture and nixed a lot of little details. We decided against a cake since our buffet included a dessert bar. Our ceremony flowers became the reception flowers. My shoes came from my closet and my best friend made my jewelry. The biggest money saver was the fact that our cruise was all inclusive. It included tray passed hors d'oeuvres , a dinner buffet, open bar and a DJ or band. Also, using a public park for the ceremony was very budget friendly. We were able to do the entire wedding for around $9,000.
What Made Our Wedding Sane: My husband and I had dated for 10 years prior to getting married so we already had a great deal of history together. We met when we were 16! We also have a 20 month old son, so the wedding day was more about celebrating our love and unifying our family than stressing over color schemes and monograms. Our guest count was 60, which was a very manageable number. It allowed for quality time with each person rather than an endless receiving line. We knew that we also wanted to kick back and enjoy ourselves so we opted against the traditional wedding events of toasts, cake cutting, bouquets/garter toss and the YMCA. Instead it was more of an over the top dinner party.
Congratulations to all three of you! I love the idea of thinking about a wedding as a over the top dinner party. I, for one, have a million ideas for wildly extravagant dinner parties that I'd love to throw, all of which would cost a fraction of the cost of the average wedding.

When Weddings Drive Us Mad

Every so often I get a email or a comment from a reader saying something like "Thanks for helping me keep my head on straight about weddings" (which makes my day each and every time), or "here are pictures of my amazingly kick-*ss wedding, I read your blog every day during the planning process" (really? MY blog? It helped you plan this amazingly beautiful and grounded shindig?) And then, every so often, I get emails that say "I don't know how you are so grounded when it comes to this wedding stuff. It's amazing." On that front, I need to come clean. I'm not *that* grounded and sane when it comes to wedding stuff. I'm relatively sane, sure, when you compare me to the absolutely insane, but I have my moments.

This week we had our first real wedding brain bender. The brain bendy part is that it was about the silliest of details: the Save The Dates. If 80% of our guests were not traveling in from out of town, we'd probably skip the whole save-the-date thing. But they are, and they are the types that like official advance notice of parties, and my hand would get to tired writing out that many personal notes, so we're doing them. I want them to be fun, irreverent, saucy… a little like us. Easy, right? Siggghhh. I have too many ideas, none of them quite work, David has some opinions but not definitive opinions, and to top it off, I know perfectly well that no one really cares about Save The Dates other then the couple. I am not of the school that you need to "sell your wedding to your guests" because, for gods sake people, if people don't love you enough to come if they can afford it, you probably should cut them off your list.

So, here we are, in a flurry over nothing. We sat down to have a little chat about this save the date nonsense this weekend, and after we voted down half the ideas for being to complicated to execute (did I suggest messages in a bottle? Of course I did), and the other half for being trite and in-authentic. After that, I might have stomped away, calling my dearly beloved and "*sshole."

So. We're collecting our thoughts over at Chez Practical, and hoping that one day soon they turn from ever so much fluff into yummy cotton candy goodness. In the meantime, feel free to leave in the comments.

1) A ridiculous wedding fight you had with your one true love
2) Some crazy, quirky, sassy inspiration

Many thanks in advance.

Some of the best paper goods invites ever, from this amazing wedding
**Update: These are DIY paper goods, kids! NOT expensive paper goods (would I do that to you on a post like this?)

Amanda & Eddie's Picnic Wedding

Remember way back when when I posted about picnic weddings? Well, Amanda emailed me to tell me all about hers, and now that its said and done she sent in pictures! Amanda and Eddie had a classic, old fashioned church wedding, which was followed by a delightful, budget, picnic reception. I'm so excited to finally be able to share this practical picnic wedding!
They were married in a church in North Hollywood.
The picnic reception took place in on the grounds of the Unitarian Universalist Church Pasadena, and they had blankets for people to chill out on, as well as tables for older guests.

They did their catering through Corner Bakery Cafe, who packed lunches for just $10 a box, which allowed them to invite lots of friends and family.
Congratulations to both Amanda and Eddie! A huge thank you for sharing your delightful day with us.

Polaroids by Chinako Miyamoto, photos by Toby Morris

The Engaged Guy & The Times

In case you somehow missed it in the whirl of Labor Day weekend, The Engaged Guy and his lovely new wife Deborah scaled the very peak of weddingdom this weekend, and landed in The New York Times wedding section, complete with a five minute video. Go watch it. They are clearly friends of ours that we somehow lost along the way, and David and I need to head over with a big bottle of scotch to toast their wedding.

Mazel Tov, you crazy kids!

Bklyn Pillow

You are going to see this all over the blogosphere today. Vane, of the consistently inspiring Brooklyn Bride has just launched Bklyn Pillow, making modern handcrafted ring pillows for the kick ass Indie Bride. I'm always tremendously excited to see bloggers launch creative businesses, as the women of the blogging world seem to have enough creativity in their little fingers to change the world. The super talented Vane is starting with pillows, but we all know she's going to end up by taking the wedding world by storm. Now go check it out.

Mike & Tammar's Magical Forest Lovefest

We're lucky enough to start the week with a huge treat, our very first wedding planned by someone reading A Practical Wedding! This wedding is one of the most magical weddings I've ever seen. From the bride:
We were married June 15th, 2008 at Camp Angelos in Corbett, Oregon.
After briefly flirting with an elopement we discussed why we'd want to host a wedding. For us a wedding was not our special day or the beginning of our life together, a wedding was the chance to make a public declaration of our love in front of our closest friends and family. We wanted to honor our heritage and ask for the love and support of our community throughout our relationship and lives together.
I wasn't interested in the traditional "unveiling of the bride" so we got ready together in a tiny poorly lit room together giggling like school children. We then trotted outside hand-in-hand to greet guests as they arrived with lemonade and ice tea. Once everyone was assembled we, all 98 of us, paraded into a clearing in the woods for an intimate mostly standing ceremony under an antique lace chuppa Mike's dad hung from the cedars. The ceremony was my favorite part of the wedding- being in the woods created an ethereal feeling, everything happened in slow motion, I felt like I was in an all encompassing bubble of love.


Because Mike works in events we were able to DIY most of the reception for free or at cost: the food- cooked and served by friend, Our beautiful invitations were designed and silkscreened by our good friends Lloyd and Cassie Winters, hand made organic chocolate favors (in the shape of woodland friends eeee!) were made by my pal Sarah.
I designed the decor, bouts and foliage- we skipped flowers and opted for maiden hair ferns, moss, wood cookies, terrariums, craft paper and little woodland animal toys.
Looking back on our wedding I'm so glad we had a celebration that included everyone we loved that could make it, babies, old folks, new friend, weird family, it was a total lovefest. It was also important to us to be honest about are abilities and stay within our means-we spent 8,600ish and not a dime on credit cards. We skipped all the traditional forced merriment of toasts, dances, cake cutting, bouquet toss, cheesy dj's, etc and instead let folks eat, visit and and make merry as they saw fit.
I love hearing peoples stories of the wedding, in addition to seeing us get married everyone has their own special memories. One friend went on hike and her baby saw his first deer. Another group of friends sneaked onto a boat in the lake to cause mischief. Children and grandparents played on the swing sets together... It was a very great day...

Congratulations you two! If you can create something this full of magic and love, I know that your many years together will be full of joy, creativity, and adventure.

Photos by His and Her Photography out of Portland

We're In This Together

They are up, they are up! Peony has put up the first of many pictures of her stunningly beautiful wedding. You all must go look, right away. There are so many nice things you could say about this wedding, about how it was stylish, super-budget and chic, but really, no one should talk about anything but the radiant joy on their faces. Cara said, "The small details that we spend so long thinking about really faded into nothingness on the day. " Amen. May it be so.

As for me, I am winging my way down to Los Angeles for a very informal little engagement party in my parents delightful backyard, and then some time by the pool. Thank you for all your support this week, in comments and emails. Rebecca gave such excellent perspective on weddings and life when she said, "we all have to nurse some grief about losing our concept of how we hoped things would be and making the most of how things will have to be."

You are a fantastic bunch. Much more to come next week.

Lime & Cherry

Do you know about Nicole's blog Prom to Altar? Technically, it's her personal wedding blog. Really, however, it's her sassy awesome blog. For example:

Dear TheKnot.com,

When I received your email featuring "4 Hot New Color Combos We Love", I was intrigued enough to open it. Not that I'm looking for any hot new color combos-- it's just that the wedding industry is always coming up with these new color schemes, and it's fascinating to see what the trendy new combination is-- many are hideous, some are nice, most just use new names for standard colors.

Now, here's my gripe: "cherry and lime" is not a "hot new color combo" (but it is a delicious flavor sensation). Maybe you love it, but here's the thing... cherry and lime is actually red and green, a color combo owned by Christmas for hundreds of years.

I'm just saying, let's be honest when we use the terms 'hot' and 'new', ok?

All the best,

Nicole

Yeah. You're going to want to go check her out now.

Related: I talk back to the Knot too. (It's healthier that way).

Hope

It's been a difficult week here at Chez Practical. The clouds are beginning to lift a bit now, and we are both just fine, but things around here have been tough and emotional. All of this difficult personal stuff just happened to fall during the same week we had a lot of wedding errands to do. We would put on the happy face and run to the caterer for a tasting, to the flower mart for flowers, to the venue for a once over. It was hard, and it kept making me wonder what the point of a wedding was. It seemed frivolous.

And then two things happened:

• I saw this picture of my dear blog friends wedding, and I felt like my heart had been lifted right up to the sky.

• I read this passage by Elie Wiesel: "In our tradition, celebration of life is more important than mourning over the dead. When a wedding procession encounters a funeral procession in the street, the mourners must halt so as to allow the wedding party to proceed. Surely you know what respect we show our dead, but a wedding, a symbol of life and renewal, a symbol of promise too, takes precedence."

And then it hit me. I love weddings and write about weddings, because weddings are about hope. Weddings are hope for the future, hope for a new generation, hope that love and family can win out over everything else. Weddings are not more important then life, and they don't stand apart from life, but they represent something bigger then us, and undoubtedly bigger then the dress we wear or the flowers we carry.

All of this is why I've always loved this description of the breaking of the glass after a Jewish ceremony, "The breaking of the glass now has many interpretations, one of which says that even in the moment of our greatest joy, we should remember that there is still pain and suffering in the world, and that we have a responsibility to help relieve that pain and suffering." And of course, the breaking of the glass also signals the start of a really great party.

Have any of you worked to balance sorrow and joy, real life and hope as you plan your wedding?

Photo by the super talented Jude Mooney

Beck and Margaux - The Invites

Remember my favorite wedding ever?* The one that wasn't a wedding, it was a quasi nuptial event? The one with the hula hooping? The one at Union Station? (And I didn't even mention this last time) the wedding where the 'ceremony,' such as it was, was a compilation of videos made by their friends?

Right. Well. Style Me Pretty just posted their invitations, by Peculiar Pair Press, and we have to talk about them because they are Really. That. Cool.
I already talked about their thoughts about the word 'wedding' on their invite, but ohdeargod people, they stated the dress code as "Sassy semi-formal, emphasis on the sass." I think they just defined my ideal wedding style. Yes to the sass, please and thank you.
And they asked people to save the date so they could "attend a formidable party that will also include a quasi-nuptial element." Indeed. I would like our wedding to be a formidable party.

The invitation designers described these invites as completely non-traditional, but I'm going to argue that they are just authentic and unique (not to mention deeply personally political). This is what I want with our invitations, a way to convey a taste of who we really are and what this party is really about.

*admittedly, I have at least five favorite weddings ever, but shush.

Top photo by Our Labor Of Love (go check out all the pictures, and new videos!)
Bottom photos via Style Me Pretty

The Best Budget Tip I Know

I've shared a number of tips and tricks on how to keep a wedding on budget - and believe you me, I've used everyone of them and then some the last few months! But it occurred to me that I hadn't shared my very best budget trick. It's as simple as this: We spend cash on all wedding purchases. We believe in this so much that we chose to have a longer engagement so that everyone could save their pennies. I know using cash isn't always possible for everyone*, but with the rest of the world pushing you to get a wedding credit card, I thought I'd tell you why this works for me.

• We are more emotionally attached to cash then to credit, which feels a bit like free money (whee, I'll pay it back when we're married and are making more money!) When I look at something I love, like say invitations, and think to myself "Yes, $2,000 is a lot more then I was planning to spend, but in the long run it's not that much," I sort of believe my own logic... until I pull out my debt card that's attached to my savings account. I know exactly how hard I worked to put every penny in that savings account, and I look at my debt card, and I turn around and walk out of the store. A credit card would not hold that power for me. If your parents are helping you out with the wedding, I suggest that if they can do it, you have them send you a check for their contribution (incrementally, if they need to). Put that money in a money market fund for the wedding. It will then emotionally become your money, not free money, and you'll feel exactly the same way about spending it.
• Compound Interest. I know, I know, but I have to do this math with you. Let's say you charge $5,000 in wedding expenses, and you plan to pay it off in 5 years, on a credit card that has a 14% APR (the average in the US). By the time you have paid off your bill (if you make no additions or subtractions to that amount over time), you paid $10,028. What just happened to your wedding budget? Is that a Kaboom that I just heard? You can calculate this here, just remember, most credit card interest compounds at least once a month.
  
• If none of this helping you stay on budget, try taking it one step farther. Instead of paying with a debt card linked to your cash account, pay with real live greenbacks. Watch, and see how putting down 50 one-hundred dollar bills for a dress makes you feel. I thought so.

* I really really do know that spending cash is not always possible for a wedding. If you are paying for some or all of your wedding on a credit card, please do not take this post as any sort of judgment. If I believe one thing about weddings, it's that each couple needs to trust themselves to find the best path for them. I just like to point out the practical paths that no one seems to be talking about.

Just Back...

I'm just back from our vacation at Bodega Bay. The nights were full of stars and s'mores, and it was good to get away. If you live in Northern California, and haven't waded in the Russian River, you must go right away!

I haven't had time to pull my thoughts together, but until then, I'll leave you with this treat. I posted on wedding music hoping that someone would send me a Klezmer wedding march, and, Internet, you didn't fail me. Here it is, thanks to a lovely reader: the wedding march by Klezmer fiddler Alicia Svigals, more perfect for me then you could ever imagine.

Now, if anyone knows a cool affordable Klezmer fiddler in Northern California, please let me know.

Photo of our campsite at night by the excellent Kory Mosteller of Black Bag Photography