The Great Wedding Dress Hack

Reader Bridget sent me a budget wedding dress story that was so good it needed its own post. Bridget fell in love with and Amsale dress that was, errrr, a little pricey.
Since she wanted to send her kids to college one day, she decided to skip the crazy expensive dress. Instead she bought a simple J Crew wedding dress, which she found on ebay for just $71.
But she wasn't done yet! Bridget took her new simple dress to a seamstress, and told her to "hack this dress," and the seamstress added the details she loved.
The total cost of her dress was $471. She got exactly what she wanted, found a creative and affordable way to do it, and saved a small fortune. As far as I'm concerned, this story lands Bridget on the Practical Wedding wall of fame for doing something so clever and determined. I like my brides with chutzpa, thank you very much.
And don't tell Amsale, but I like this dress is better! It's simple, it's chic, and its got soul.

Budget Wedding Dresses

When I posted about budget wedding dresses last week, your response floored me. You girls are thrifty geniuses! Thank you to all of you who shared ideas with each other, or emailed me pictures of your stunning and affordable wedding gowns. I thought I'd post a roundup of some of the dresses that blew me out of the water. I hope it gives us all new ideas, and the feeling that affordable dresses are awesome dresses. (and, as an aside, if you are spending more then this on your dress you have no need to feel guilty. I'm not this thrifty either.)
This dress almost made my head explode! It is a Melissa Sweet bridesmaid dress, it comes in white (if you want traditional. It would be stunning in black too, if you ask me). According to a commenter runs about $299! Whhhaaaa?
Or how about this sassy Melissa Sweet bridesmaid dress? What do you think they would charge if it was in the wedding dress section? Probably 10 times as much. Literally.
Blogger Guilty Secret's wedding dress rocks my socks off. Not froofy, not fluffy, just simple and stunning. And what is it? Ah, yes, a bridesmaid's dress in white.
Here is blogger Marie-Eve rocking a Target dress she got on sale for $65! She said, "Obviously I would have been ready to pay more, but after this why would I?"
Reader Elizabeth rocked a full scale traditional dress she fell in love with at $1700 and couldn't afford... until she found it on ebay for $150.
And how about this Jenny Yoo bridesmaid dress? So simple and chic, and in the $300-$400 price range.
And I'm just throwing this BCBG dress in because I like it... and it's $398 (why? Because the word wedding isn't in the description of the dress)

And that list doesn't even cover those of you who wrote in with pictures of dresses that you'd scored for pennies preownedweddingdresses.com, or bought from a sample sale. Keep those stories coming, and I'll keep sharing them.

What Do You Remember?

When I posted Kate & Colemine's relaxed wedding weekend last week, Mrs. In May made a comment that caught my attention. She said:

Everything looks beautiful and the bride just looks so at peace and happy. please keep posting weddings like this, it makes me realize that I am taking the whole wedding thing way to seriously. You can have no vendors and things will be absolutely great and the wedding will be about the union and the people sharing that moment with you, not about the monogrammed programs or the bustle of the dress, the things that I am obsessing over!

This got me thinking about how we all obsess about the little things in a wedding (programs, the bustle of the dress) and lose track of the stuff that really matters. I started reminiscing about one particularly happy wedding I attended, and what I remembered about it. Here's what stuck with me:

• The groom making faces at me from the wings as he waited to walk out into the church.
  
• The way everyone in my row burst in to tears when the bride started walking down the aisle.
• How happy the bride looked, and how peaceful. I remember thinking that it was perfect that she was wearing white, because she looked like she was glowing.
• How the couple giggled and rolled their eyes up at the altar when their rings got a little stuck.
• How the brides sister couldn't stop happy crying long enough to do her bible reading, and then managed to sniff out "Sorry, I can't stop crying. Fuck!" and everyone cracked up, and she looked horrified, and said "Oh shit, I'm sorry."
• Crying (again) while I watched the couples first dance, because they were so happy, and so right for each other.
  
• Hugging the bride at the reception.

That's it. That is what I remember. I don't remember what the centerpieces looked like. Frankly, I don't remember if they had centerpieces. I don't remember what the brides dress looked like, just that it was white, she had a veil, and she was so happy she looked like she was shooting beams of light around the room. I don't remember if they had programs, or much about what we ate. All I remember is the emotion, the funny stories, and the looks on peoples faces.
What do you remember about happy weddings that you've attended? This list might just make us all feel a little bit calmer about our choices of envelope liners. Because if no one will remember them that much, we can take a bit of the pressure off.

Photo: The moments we remember. From this amazing wedding by Our Labor Of Love

Kate & Colemine's Wedding Weekend

There are some weddings out there that make you think something like, "How ever did they find that deep shade of eggplant for the brides shoes?" and then their are some weddings, every now and again, that you see and you say to yourself, "Self! I wish I was at that party, because that party is my kind of party." Kate and Colemine's wedding is one of the latter. This wedding was shot by today's sponsor and photographer extraordinare, Jessamyn Harris.
This wedding is one in many ways my dream wedding: they rented out The Wellspring Renewal Center for a whole weekend and had all their friends and family come and stay and hang out and help them throw the whole shindig. They had simple taco fixings for dinner (mmmmm....), friends did flowers, every one pitched in for a dessert buffet, and lots of live music. And, did I mention, other then Jessamyn (a personal friend of the couple) they had no vendors (which is a little bit of a day-dream for me... even though we have great wedding elves).




It will tell you a little something about me that the picture of this wedding I'm most excited about is probably this one. They served local wine! Wheee! We are doing the same, and serving awesome Russian River wines from vineyards we know and love like Rochambeau, above.)
They made a little lounge for people to chill at during the reception.


Before dinner people went down to the river to hang out.

And the party, the party... hanging out, listening to live music, kids running around, glowsticks? I'll take that over perfectly prepared favors any night of the week (and twice on Sundays).

Congratulations Kate & Colemine, here is to many long and happy years!

Now go check out the whole wedding, and the slideshow at chez Jessamyn Harris.

Sponsor Introduction: Jessamyn Harris

I'm pleased to introduce the very practical wedding elf, Jessamyn Harris. Jessamyn is a stunning wedding photographer, she takes fantastic pictures of amazing weddings, and you should go browse about on her blog and her website immediately for inspiration. But in Jessamyn's case, I have, if it's possible, something even more important to say about her: she's awesome. To meet her is to want to have a beer with her. There are so many vendors that say things to you like "your wedding is your special day, and I want to help make it sparkle like the rhinestones in your bridal tiara," which of course makes you feel a little queasy, and also scared. Not Jessamyn. She was the very first reader of this blog who I didn't know personally, and she would send me these emails that said things like "Oh my god YES! What is it with elopement packages?" You can see a picture of her amazing city hall wedding here.

So, in sum: Jessamyn, a super talented photographer who will take killer pictures of your wedding day, and make you feel more like yourself in the process.

More from Jessamyn later today...

Sponsor Introduction: PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com

Our next sponsor couldn't be a better fit for this site: PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com. I've been intrigued by this site since I saw this stunning budget wedding, where the bride wore a knockout used wedding dress. This website offers brides a place to buy new, sample, and used wedding dresses - or sell them after the wedding. Not only is this idea budget friendly, but it's green - you can buy a dress used and sell it back later. No waste, plus you have a magical traveling dress! I could spend hours on this site looking around, the dresses are pretty, and I love a good deal. PreOwnedWeddingDresses has dresses at every price point - you can get a great deal on a designer dress, but you can also get a fantastic deal on a non-designer dress. Here are a few of my favorites:
This architectural used Vera Wang gown is being sold for $1,100. I know. Wang for $1,100. Amazing.
You know I love tea-length gowns, and this one is Isweartogod, $250.
And I love this simple, modern Nicole Miller sheath for $500. I'm going to leave you to your shopping...

Deanna And The Tale Of The Stunning Wedding Dress

So, I have to give a huge congratulations and a virtual hug to Deanna, who was one of my very first readers ever, and had her amazing $6,000 brunch wedding featured on Snippet and Ink this weekend. (I haven't squealed my excitement about brunch weddings lately, so here goes: Pretty! Great light! More affordable! Whee!)
One of the most stunning things about Deanna and Jesse's wedding, in my opinion, was Deanna's simple chic dress. It floored me. And then I found out it cost her a grand total of $300. $200 for the dress and $100 for the alterations. And I started thinking... what if we all saw more lovely and affordable wedding dresses? Would that change our thinking?

When I created my wedding budget, I put down something that felt super luxurious* in the wedding dress line (Wedding dresses are expensive! I thought to myself). Ha! Little did I know. Out there in the brutal world of wedding dresses, my line item shunted me off to the "budget" dress section, to my great confusion. Apparently I was wrong. Most wedding dresses are not expensive, the are exorbitantly expensive.

So what if we all started re-adjusting our thinking? What if we saw more simple pretty wedding dresses that were affordable? Would Vera Wang stop being the gold standard, and instead savvy brides like Deanna would be the gold standard? So! I'm officially collecting. I want to see pictures of brides who wore used dresses, found a great deal on sample dresses, had their mom make them a simple dress, or just got their dress on a great sale. I'm particularly intrigued by brides who borrowing dresses. All of us have friends with wedding dresses sitting in the closet, begging to be worn. Who is daring enough to wear them? Let's share stories, lets share tips. Let's figure out a new gold standard.

*Full disclosure: I'm still spending that luxurious amount on my dress. I just found a way to make it feel luxurious again, instead of making me feel sad and poor. Effing wedding industry.

Kim & Annie's Chic Backyard Wedding (This Time It's Legal!)

I'm so excited by this beautiful simple wedding, that you'll have to forgive me... I'm going to share lots of pictures, all taken by the amazing Skye Blu Photography. Let me list the things I love about this wedding: BCBG dresses as wedding dresses (you know how I love that), a wedding in a backyard, the amazing black and white flowers, and finally for this long time couple, a legal ceremony. Hooray California, hooray!
Kim and Annie were married (legally) on the 10 year anniversary of their first kiss (awww....) after two domestic partnerships, and one San Francisco marriage in 2004 that was annulled. They say that this time feels different, but if they have to keep doing it again until it sticks, they will. This sort of commitment to marriage always brings tears to my eyes. our LGBT friends and neighbors are showing us what commitment means, each and every time they wed... yet again.





I particularly love the joy and celebration of these last pictures. One of the brides said "All though we've been together for a long time...this feels different. We've always thought that people who said that were odd, but all the planning, the decisions, the preparations, the vows...the loving energy and support from friends and family...it just somehow feels different. It just feels like we are married - which is for us more than committed. Whether that is the ritual or the public validation...we aren't sure, but we like it and we just don't want it to be taken away again."

Now go, run, look at more of this stunning wedding, and go check out amazing LA wedding photographer Skye Blu.

Found via The Mad Gay Wedding.

Sponsor Introduction: MagnetStreet Weddings

I'm pleased to introduce a new practical wedding sponsor - MagnetStreet Weddings. The other week we were discussing Save The Date options, and many of you suggested magnets as Save The Dates. Guests love seeing a cute picture of the couple, stick them up on the fridge, and end up getting far more use out of them then any other wedding related item. MagnetStreet Weddings offers chic and easy affordable Save The Date magnets. Two of my favorites are this This chic photo magnet:
And this photobooth style magnet.
I think these would also work really well as casual invitations, if you put all of the detailed information online. There are two ways to work with MagnetStreet Weddings. One, I like to call the sanity saving way: you upload your photos, order the magnets, and then pour yourself a drink - you're done. Two: you can work with their designers to customize your magnets to reflect your personal style. Best of all? Most of the magnets cost cost $1-$2 a piece. Go take a look.

Practical Save The Dates

First of all, I owe you all a huge thank you. I was freaking out about our Save The Dates recently, which is a nice way to say I was freaking out about wedding stress (how is it that even when you try not to stress about weddings, you stress about weddings?). You all were so supportive in the comments, sharing tales of stupid wedding fights, and crafty Save The Date ideas. A few of you emailed me your amazing Save The Dates, and gave me permission to share them. Here we go:
This email Save The Date comes from two writers. It's simple, but so effective.
This email Save The Date cracks me up! This was a snapshot of their real fridge, turned into a wedding announcement. Apparently guest had tons of fun guessing the fridge contents and finding things on the fridge.
This cool DIY Save The Date has a map inside, marked with places in New York that are important to the couple (and got our creative juices flowing!) See more details over here.

The wisest words came from Jessica who said: You know, it doesn't matter if something is cliche or everyone does it - just draw something you like and send it out! Think of it as an invite for a really kickass, over the top dinner party.

Our Save The Date is now under construction... when they go out, I'll update you.

The Good And The Bad

This week, I feel compelled to write a little list of things I'm loving and hating around the wide world of weddings. Disagreement is fine, as always. Rock your opinions in the comments (kindly):

The bad:

• The new trend of mandating your guests attire. Sure, you can tell people it's semi-formal, it's casual, it's a garden wedding, and let them run with it. They'll be grateful for the guidance. But by the time you are telling people that the dress code is "seersucker suits for men and brightly colored cocktail dresses for women," as the New York Times reports this week, you can stick a fork in it, because you're done. Your wedding is not a fashion shoot, and you are not a dictator.
• Gay Weddings By The Knot. I suppose you can say that you know we are making progress when same-sex couples are being subjected to the ridiculous dictums of the wedding industry, and goodness knows gay couples need more resources. But here is the thing: this is separate but equal, and we learned in the last civil rights movement that separate is not equal. The Knot is not linking to its new gay weddings site from it's main page. It's not featuring gay weddings on its main site. It clearly doesn't want to offend its "more traditional" brides. I'm sick and tired of how the wedding world consistently sweeps LGBT weddings under the rug, and I'm not going to be quiet about it.

Now, on to the happy. I'm loving:

• Peonies and Polaroids unexpected splurge on wedding shoes after creating the world's most beautiful, most budget, most heartwarming wedding. In particular, I love her Aunt's comment "No pockets in a shroud, as Granny says." It takes a little of the pressure off, and makes me smile and breathe more deeply.
  
• This idea for a "Being the Change You Wish To See In The World" party. How great would that be for a shower, or a bachelorette party? Nothing makes you feel better then doing something kind, and a scavenger hunt where you deliver flowers to a nursing home, give canned goods to a soup kitchen, and give a candy bar to a security guard on duty? That's my kind of party (especially if you end the night with cocktails).
• These kind words from the new blog The Sweetest Occasion made my day.
• The New York Times scores one with a quirky simple wedding in the vows section. The best part: "In November 2006, 11 months after they met, he gave her a ring box — with the yellow stone inside. “I told her, ‘You are my yellow stone,’ ” he remembered. Then, magician-like, he opened his other hand, which held an engagement ring. She accepted, though she does not think of him as her yellow stone. Instead, she said "He is a piece of sun-warmed granite I can lean my back against.”

Other then that, all I can say is that with all the economic turmoil going on right now, it's nice to re-focus on the point of getting married - sharing your life with someone you love. We may not all be able to have wildly expensive weddings right now, but you are just as married if you go to city hall and have a picnic in the park to celebrate.

Photo via the New York Times

Betwixt and Between Brides (and grooms)

When Amanda wrote me about her gorgeous picnic wedding, she said that she had felt that with her budget she felt a little betwixt and between. She felt judged by the lavish over the top brides for spending "so little," and judged by the super-budget wedding crowd because they spent "so much." This really hit home with me. We have a wedding with a very similar budget, and live in a urban area where everything is staggeringly expensive, and weddings are once-in-a-lifetime events. I can't even talk about my wedding in many social situations in the city, because when people find out that we are trying to keep things small and simple they either flat out don't believe me, laugh at me for being "naive," or look at me with a mixture of scorn and pity and change the subject. But as someone who writes about and promotes small and simple weddings, sometimes I feel like I'm not meeting other peoples standards for a practical wedding.

To be clear, I'm not very dogmatic about weddings. If having a $5 million fireworks display after your first dance works for you, and you can afford it (and think it is in good taste) I raise my eyebrows at you but you may carry on. There are many, many, resources for you, so I'm not too worried. But for the rest of us... I thought we all needed a place to chat, and a place to feel good about our weddings. My site, though, is not "A Super-Budget Wedding" (much as I love-love them), it's a practical wedding, and practical is in the eye of the beholder. For us, over here, we work all-the-d*mn-time. There are decisions that we make about weddings by picking what is going to take the least time, and give us the most bang for our buck. It's not always the cheapest option, but it's the option that keeps us sane. And TRUST me when I tell you that keeping sane is a #1 priority for me. As much as I love the idea of self-catering, it's just not practical for us, and we're hiring a caterer. I love weddings where the groom gets his suit at a thrift store, but David wears suits to work, so he's wearing a (new, his preference) brand name suit. Why not? He'll wear it for years.

Which brings me to my point: Why is every level of wedding planning fraught with so much judgment (perceived or real) and so much guilt? As a bride, there are days that I simultaneously feel guilty for not inviting more people to the wedding and not inviting less people to the wedding, for not spending more on my dress and for not spending less on my dress. The wedding world often leaves us between a rock and a hard place, feeling alone, and searching for options.

I started writing this blog to help myself feel less alone in the wedding planning process, and as it has grown, the best thing that has come out of it is watching a small community emerge of practical brides and grooms holding hands a bit for balance as they try to find their own way. So lets all keep holding hands, and remember, the grass is not actually greener at someone else's wedding.

Do you feel betwixt and between planning your wedding? Maybe for you it's not your budget, but something totally different.

I love this photo of a bride taking a deep breath, by the fantastic Anna Kuperberg

Blue Skies And Broken Hearts

I was at home, just blocks away that day, and seven years later I remember as if it were yesterday. Thank you to the fireman who rushed past us, running in as we tried to get out. Thank you to the policeman who held our hands and calmed us in the midst of all the smoke and confusion, who told us it was going to be fine even when they knew it was not. Thank you to the New Yorkers who showed more kindness and humanity then I have ever had the honor to witness. My thoughts and prayers are with those who's hearts are heavy today.

Take a minute to think of all that there is to be grateful for, right here and right now. It is so very much.

I'll be back here with more weddings tomorrow.

My Sponsor Policy

So, you might have noticed that over on the left side of the blog I now have sponsors. Or as I like to think of them, Sponsors! Weee! Soon you will start seeing introductory posts, where I give you a idea of who these sponsors are. I'm excited to get to share some of the cool indie wedding resources that I love with you. Sponsors help support this site, and will help me bring you more and more practical content.

I know you guys, Team Practical, approach wedding spending in a variety of different ways. Some of you are spending next to nothing on our weddings, and I applaud you! Many of you, however, are spending an amount of money that seems like a HECK of lot, whether that is $5,000 or $25,000, and you want to figure out to spend that money responsibly. Hopefully I can introduce you to cool, independent wedding elves, that provide good practical options for spending that wedding dough. Not every sponsor will be right for every one of you, and that is fine. Each couple here has their own priorities, and spend their money accordingly, and that is one of the things that makes your weddings so incredible.

And for you practical wedding elves out there, I've made sure to price my ads very reasonably, to help small indie vendors build their businesses.

Here is to more creative, thrifty, and sane!

Practical Weddings In The News

Suddenly tons of news articles are popping up about budget weddings (hello tanking economy!), and I'm enjoying the feeling that Practical Weddings are sweeping the nation. Hello wholesale flower district, and goodbye "It's all about the details." I like the fact that an ever growing group of us is moving away from the huge fancy over the top wedding, and back to the sweet simple emotional core of the ceremony.

The LA Times has this to say about a savvy budget bride:
Her bridal gown is actually an ivory-colored prom dress that she picked up for $160. The flowers will be purchased wholesale from the flower district in downtown Los Angeles the day before the wedding. And she's getting married to her fiancé, Scott Smith, on a Sunday, when location fees are usually cheaper.

The Washington Post talks about how even celebrity weddings are scaled down this year, highlighting Ellen and Portia's 19 person backyard fete (editors note: gay weddings these days in California are often between long time couples who have considered themselves married for years, the courts be d*mned. In these cases, you usually don't have the need for quite as huge a party. Your lives together are the celebration.)

And this amazing Washington Post article chronicles the planning of an Anti-Wedding, and you must read it immediately. It starts with blithe confidence that an anti-wedding will be easy to plan (been there!) and then runs into the fear that it will be impossible to plan (I fear this every day):
Suddenly, it seems possible that we can't do this, that there is no way to pull off the sane, stuff-free wedding of our couple's dreams. We are stymied by the twin conformist monsters of The Knot and The Man.

But, ah, it has a happy ending:
The couple stands together under an umbrella, flanked by no attendants, facing their guests. They kiss, once in the beginning, once in the middle and once at the end. They elbow each other, like kids with a secret. They announce that they tried to figure out something to say in the way of vows and decided not to. And they are married.

I love it! Suddenly practical/offbeat/indie weddings are getting real live mainstream press ink. Isn't it nice to be on the cutting edge? How fantastic is it when the zeitgeist finally catches up with the rest of us? *clinks glasses* Cheers, all!

Picture via the LA Times, yay wholesale flower marts!

Amateur DIY Wedding Flower Tips

Everyone seemed excited and interested by my DIY flower dry run, so I thought I'd post wildly unprofessional tips, tricks, and thoughts on floral decorating.

• Don't be scared. I'm not sure how we got so convinced that flowers were scary, but flowers are not scary. People have been doing flowers for weddings for thousands of years.
• Forget this "I'm an amateur, I should do something really simple, and not mix flowers" idea. Where did we even get that?
• Pin up pictures of arrangements you like and let them inspire your decorating.
• Mix textures, mix flowers, mix color. Be brave.
• Use crazy flowers! And herbs! And spiky things! And leaves! And twigs! And feathers!
  
• Too much of just the colors you love will be bland, use something different to make it pop (yellow or white for dark colors work really well)
• Work in pairs. One person will be your eyes while you are the worker bee. Then switch.
• Remember scale. Just because you can afford to have flowers the size of your head doesn't mean you want to have flowers the size of your head. Or maybe you do. Just remember that flowers are heavy.
• Make your peace with the fact that your flowers will not be perfect, and that you'll need to make them the day before (hot tip: if you paid for the flowers they wouldn't be perfect either, but you would pretend that they were).
• Every time you make something, sit back and guess how much a florist would have charged you for it "$75!" you'll say, "No, maybe $150!" Then applaud your cost savings (feel free to be wildly inaccurate with these numbers).
• Throw a flower decorating party the day before your wedding. Provide lots of wine and/or tea. You are not there to be the flower slave driver, you are the guest of honor, and are there to be spoiled. Remember that.
• On your wedding day, enthusiastically throw that bouquet in the air on the way out the door. Forget having a "tossing bouquet." After all, if you want your wedding bouquet later, you can just make a new one!

Krystal & Patrick's Happily Ever After Party

I've been inundating you with reader weddings of late, but I have so many good ones! Keep them coming. It's such a honor to get to share them with you all.

This uber-practical reader wedding involved the couple's children, a passel of adorable babies, and some of the hippest trends around. Krystal and Patrick got Weddinged at a 'Happily Ever After Party' at their home in Santa Cruz, after marrying last year at Patrick's parents home.
This wedding had many practical touches. The bride wore a killer BCBG dress (along with some beautiful ink!). The couple set up a registry with Global Giving, so people could give donations in their honor to various chosen causes, like the Boys and Girls Club in Baton Rouge, or, to build schools in Laos.
Their invites were posters made by etsy seller Unless Someone Like You.
They went to Trader Joe's the day before of the party and bought all the tulips in the store, and gave their guests mustaches on a stick just for fun.
For favors, the couple bought local honey and bottled it themselves, and tied them with family pictures.
Krystal says: "Patrick and I utilized the multitude of talent surrounding us. My son played guitar, Pat's friend BBQ's Oysters, other friends made vegan cupcakes and sushi, helped decorate, took photos, served food, sang. I worked at a local coffee shop in town and the owner graciously donated fabulous coffee for the evening. "
I love this picture of Krystal and Patrick enjoying their son's performance!
And here are their two sons chilling out. Check out that wee clip on tie!
They had a kids table set up with mad libs, clay, crayons, balloons, little toys, hula hoops (which the grown ups used more)...
And really, I'm not sure how you top this cuteness...
Except with THIS! Which just goes to show you, even a cocktail party wedding won't keep the cool babies at bay.