Today the California Supreme Court is hearing arguments on whether or not Proposition 8 (which outlawed gay marriage) is a valid amendment to the state Constitution. So it's a big day here, emotionally, though we won't find out what the decision is for 60 days. So, today, I wanted to take a moment to think about why the personal is political. Gay marriage sometimes seems like a big powerful Concept. It's something you are FOR or AGAINST. And the problem with that, is it hides the everyday tangible reality of what same sex marriage means. In the end this issue is about people we love being legally allowed to love each other, in the same way that mixed gender couples do. It's small, it's simple, it's personal, it's tangible, it's real. Over the past year, the the love and dignity that same sex couples have brought to marriage in my native state is part of what makes me know for sure that marriage is something that I deeply believe in and want to be part of.
So a toast for today: to all of the brave men and women who stood up and said I am here, I will be heard, I will be who I was made to be. Your love inspires me and enriches the institution of marriage. May we one day soon see a day where marriage is recognized as a universal human right across our nation.
I invite each of you to do something small today: if there is someone in your life who is on the fence about same sex marriage, drop them and email, give them a call, open up a dialogue. This issue is about hearts - the hearts of people who love each other, the hearts of those of us who love them, and the hearts that need to be opened one by one by one by one. Start here. Start now. Start today.
"The arc of history is long, but it bends towards justice." - Martin Luther King
Thursday, March 5, 2009
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21 comments:
Beautifully said. Hopefully Prop 8 will be a bad memory in California history soon. And hopefully the right to marry for all will spread to other state.
Hear, hear, Meg! Very poignantly said.
Amen, sister.
Well put. Thank you.
amen. I will find something good to post on my facebook page or forward to those facebook friends who may not agree with us.
Beautifully said! I find the more people talk about marriage equality, the more educated people become. I am marrying my partner of 22 years in September and we recently sent out save the dates. There were many people in our extended family who didn't know for sure that J and I were a couple so we didn't know what their reactions would be. We were pleasantly surprised to get many letters and calls of excited family members saying that they wouldn't miss it for the world and that they were thrilled for us. Initially J's grandmother was very upset and called her mother not knowing what to do about it...asking how J's mom can be so accepting. But after the phone call she set out on her own and did some research. She very quickly came around and said that she absolutely will be at the wedding and that she wants us to be happy and feel accepted. Pretty amazing when a woman in her 80's can change her views on such things!
That gave me goosebumps. Beautifully said.
thanks, meg. now you're making me cry.
xox
When my good friend was dealing with being gay and Catholic he sought out a Jesuit who said something that resonated with me. He told my friend that he was facing a "call to love" and that God was all for love. Hopefully these dialogues will carry and spread.
Lovely, Meg! I will be on pins and needles. I have never understood why people think same sex equality is something they have to get up in arms about. I find the fact that we even have to have a debate about this beyond frustrating.
What a beautifully written post.
Beautifully said.
beautiful, meg.
yeah im not so convinced. how is a nation of same sex couples planning on sustaining society? i dont think its an issue of who loves who. thats not what courts and governments sit around gossiping about. it is simply not beneficial for society as a whole to encourage unions in which reproduction is absolutely impossible.
I'm really sorry you feel that way, anonymous. There are many hetero couples for which "reproduction is absolutely impossible" if they couldn't rely on medical science developments -- do you suggest fertility testing as a prerequisite for marriage? Would your ideal world deny those who have been through menopause the right to marry, too?
Hi Anon,
Thanks for participating in the discussion. Here is the thing: you can make a really great case for government supporting marriage because stable families contribute to the greater good (true). However, as Rebecca pointed out, you can't make a good case for fertility or desire to reproduce being a perquisite of marriage, because it is not currently.
Gay couples are not only stable loving families in their own right (just like heterosexual couples who choose not to have kids). But, many gay couples have children - whether they are from a previous union, a co-parenting partnership with another gay couple, or adopted kinds. Our LGBT temple is absolutely swarming with well loved children whos families are not afforded the same dignity and protections as straight families. On top of that, let me add that there are many kids in the adoption and foster care systems in the United States that desperately need a loving family, but are not being adopted because of their age, race, or disability. LGBT couples have stepped up in droves to adopt these kids, because as you point out they can't have kids on their own. If that isn't deserving of legal protection and support given your priorities, I don't know what would be.
Plus, may I point out, we will never become a nation of same sex couples. Your born with a inherent desire to love, and it seems that only about 10% of the population is drawn to love people of the same gender. It's not catching or transferable. So, at the most, we'll end up with 10% of the adult population in same sex marriages. It's something we have already, but at the moment they don't have the legal protections and respect that they need as full members of our society. It's in all of our best interests when stable loving families are supported and encouraged to thrive - especially when those families adopt kids that need a loving home at far greater rates than families who can biologically reproduce. It's something to think about. Try to get to know some gay parents. You'll see that they love their kids and their kids love them in exactly the same way straight families love each other.
Best,
Meg
Go, Meg.
i see what youre saying. im not here to argue about who is entitled to love and spend their life with who, im not a tyrant :) NOBODY has the right to judge that, no matter what their opinion of sexuality. im just saying, the government isnt a 'feelings' mediator, so how people feel might not be reflected in the choice a government makes. just saying. this applies to many more issues than the gay marriage issue. people take government rulings so personally, but should one let themself be hurt like that? does one gain anything from that? no. so live your life the way you believe to be correct, whether you find yourself as a minority or majority in society in ANY way, i say. sexuality, religion, race.
also, yes i realise its absolutely ridiculous to suggest marriage should be based on child production abilities. but a majority of hetero unions are equipped with the basics of reproduction, its not ludacris to think that a governing body might take such a fact into account.
thankyou everyone for your input, i enjoy this considerate discussion. i wont change my opinion, you wont change yours, but i believe that discussion for the mere purpose discussion, rather than persuasion, is constructive for society.
Thanks Meg, for another heartfelt post. This is exactly why I'm continuing to read this blog even after my wedding. Good luck California, and please send some positive vibes over to Florida so we can overrule Prop 2 next!
Well Anon,
I'd venture to say you might change your opinion over the course of a life time. By the time our kids are old enough to talk to us about this issue, they are going to look at us with scorn and distaste in their eyes if they find out we were against gay marriage. I remember how I looked at my grandmother when she called people "colored," it was a mix of sorrow and pity. I was so sad for her that the circumstances of her birth (100 years ago in the deep south) had made it impossible for her to love all of gods creatures in the same way. When that day comes, you might start re-thinking things.
I trust, that if you are discussing what the government might think, you listened in full to the supreme court argument on Thursday, like I did. If you did, you would know that procreation was not one of the subjects discussed. And idea that was discussed is to have the government get out of the marriage business entirely. The idea floated was to have civil unions be something that the government is involved with, in an unbiased fashion, and to have marriage be something bestowed by religious and social institutions. I'm not sure this will ever happen, but I think it's a fantastic idea. At the moment, the government is getting in the way of some of my most deeply held religious beliefs - that god loves justice, that god calls us all to love, and that god makes us just the way we are. In my liberal Jewish world, gay marriage is accepted and encouraged, but the government has not made it legal.
Let me just say here and now, without a question in my mind: the world is changing, and long before we are old we will have the choice to change with it, or be left behind. History does bend towards justice, it's just a long hard road to get there and it involves many discussions like this one.
And one more thing to think about. It's easy to say that the governments actions shouldn't hurt feelings, if it is not your rights and your life and the rights of those you love that are being trampled. If the government told you tomorrow that you couldn't marry or adopt a child, I think you would take it personally. As you should.
Best,
Meg
thanks again, meg, and again and again and again.
xox
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