Well, the Turtle Love Committee secret compartment necklace never got claimed in the last giveaway. So! We give again! The necklace goes to Petite Chablis, who made my heart ache when she said this:
I love both pieces, but I'm especially in love with the necklace. I'm living apart from my husband right now because I'm trying to finish my graduate degree, and some days I could really use a little love note around my neck!
Email me, lady. We'll make it happen. And thanks again to Turtle Love, both for providing the compartment for a traveling love note, and for generally making awesome jewelry, wedding and otherwise.
Showing newest 21 of 40 posts from October 2009. Show older posts
Showing newest 21 of 40 posts from October 2009. Show older posts
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Reclaiming Wife: Crying In The Car
After the whole mini-van controversy (which I'm just going to refer to in short-hand now), reader Alyssa sent me a email that I kept circling back to. It speaks to what she is going through as a newlywed. While it's totally different from what I'm going through, but I'm interested in it because it's real and it's particular. Part of what I dislike about the discussion about marriage is it's vagueness, "We'll all nest and buy pillows and make babies and stuff and be happy and stuff." Which is great, I suppose, though sometimes I wonder if that's anyone's experience, exactly. But I'm far more interested in the particular. Like, "I don't want a baby want now but I want one later so I'm trying to pack in a lifetime of travel in the next three years," or, "I know I want a baby right away, but I'm scared too." or, "I'm not even sure if I want a kid, and I feel like I should *know* already and what the f*ck," or, "I don't want a d*mn baby but everyone is asking about babies all the d*mn time," and on and on and on. Because I'm curious about talking about those moments of newness where you think, "Jesus effing Christ, no one told me it would feel like THIS." No matter what this is.
So here is Alyssa and her perspective on the mini-van-a-versy:
What people are not getting is that some of us don't know yet how we feel about being married and being a wife. I'm thinking about it, but I'm also busy with all the post-wedding crap that I don't always get the time for self-reflection. I went through this big process to change my name and get all the paperwork done that goes with it while on my lunch break, and then I ended up crying in the car at the freakin' Social Security Office parking lot. Because I was so busy changing my name that I didn't get a chance to think about what it meant, or how I felt about it, or even to say goodbye to my old name. The same goes with being married right now; sometimes I find myself so busy "doing the married thing" that I don't give myself a chance to think about what that means. And if I do, I'm torn between the two apparent sides; being a Wifey-Poo and being all "Rarr, I'm my own person and I will rip your face off if you call me Wife!!"
Which. Yes. It's hard, this transition. Wonderful, but hard sometimes, and big. And... magnificent. All at once.
So here is Alyssa and her perspective on the mini-van-a-versy:
What people are not getting is that some of us don't know yet how we feel about being married and being a wife. I'm thinking about it, but I'm also busy with all the post-wedding crap that I don't always get the time for self-reflection. I went through this big process to change my name and get all the paperwork done that goes with it while on my lunch break, and then I ended up crying in the car at the freakin' Social Security Office parking lot. Because I was so busy changing my name that I didn't get a chance to think about what it meant, or how I felt about it, or even to say goodbye to my old name. The same goes with being married right now; sometimes I find myself so busy "doing the married thing" that I don't give myself a chance to think about what that means. And if I do, I'm torn between the two apparent sides; being a Wifey-Poo and being all "Rarr, I'm my own person and I will rip your face off if you call me Wife!!"
Which. Yes. It's hard, this transition. Wonderful, but hard sometimes, and big. And... magnificent. All at once.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Rebecca & Tim's Hootenanny
I've had this wedding in my inbox for a sinfully long time, and I'm so glad I finally sorted myself out (New Orleans will do that to a girl) and am getting to share it with you. Every time I look this wedding, it makes me grin my head off (I love me a hootenanny too. That's my kind of *thing.*) But as I put this post together, what made my heart catch in my throat was not the amazing party, it was the emotion. Because that last bit? That bit about the wedding ring? That picture with Rebecca and Tim hugging each other fiercely? That's what getting married is like. The more time I have to look back at the married-getting, the more that is was stays with me. So here is to you, Rebecca and Tim. To many more years of drinking, of dancing, of singing, of hugging, of loving. And now, the lady herself:
Our ceremony and reception was the Narrows Center for the Arts, which is non-profit organization. Located in Fall River, Massachusetts' waterfront district, the Narrows Center for the Arts is on the top floor of an old mill building with spectacular views. We choose this venue because our first date was at a local open mic where my future husband sang some of his original songs (I fell for the heartthrob channeling Bruce Springsteen instantly).
The Narrows is a well-known open-mic and music venue in Southeastern Mass. We love the space and the folks that work hard to keep it running. We have spent many evenings there enjoying live music when we were dating. We were surprised to find out that we were the very first wedding to take place at the Narrows.
During the wedding planning we decided that the principle parts of our wedding would be: love, family, and music. We knew that everything else were just details that we could probably buy from Ikea. So, we set out to write a ceremony and throw a party that embodied our own personal trinity for an unforgettable wedding filled with revelry.
We wrote our own ceremony and Tim’s sister Annie married us. She applied through the state for the justice-of-the-peace-for-a-day-thing. We wanted our ceremony to center around family and the connectedness of our community as well as equal rights. This is how Annie began our ceremony:
"As we gather here to solidify the commitment of Tim and Rebecca to each other, we would also like to celebrate the fact that Massachusetts has lead the way in extending the rights and privileges of marriage to everyone, regardless of sexual orientation. It moves us one step closer to fulfilling our nation's promise to provide liberty and justice for all." It was important to us that we address this injustice upfront in our ceremony. We feel as you do, it is a right and not a privilege to be married.
We included all of Tim’s 6 siblings in the ceremony. They were ushers, readers, singers, officiant, co-officiant. They were truly the ones that drove the ceremony forward and made it so beautiful. Tim’s younger sister Susie said a blessing of the hands that connected all of our family and friends to us by placing hands on each other’s shoulders. Many wedding guests shared that this was their favorite part of the ceremony. It was also the part that I could not choke back my tears.
We did include a few traditions in our nontraditional ceremony. My father walked me down the aisle and we chose to say traditional vows. The other tradition we choose to be a part of the celebration was the German Wedding Cup as a nod to my grandfather who is part German. My grandparents presented the legend of the German Wedding Cup then Tim and I attempted to drink from the same cup without spilling drop. Luckily, we managed not to spill, as a precaution the cup was filled with beer not red wine. We enjoyed having the freedom to choose which traditions we would honor.
We love us a hootenanny. Music, dancing, and sing-a-longs were woven throughout the night. Tim’s cousin Mike and sister Sarah sang during the ceremony and we hired a local band called Whiskey on Sunday we knew through a mutual friend to play the reception. During the band’s break family jumped on the stage and played together, very hootenanny.
We had an evening cocktail reception at a non-profit with 150 guests. We came in under budget, here’s how: We love the Narrows the way it is and did not want to fuss with fabric or flowers. We purchased some lighting from Ikea and rented some tablecloths, that was it for décor. We knew that the music and view would be lovelier then anything we could buy. Other things that didn’t relate to our trinity we did not brother with. These included: letterpress invitations, expensive wedding gown, favors, programs, seating charts, tons of flowers, matching bridesmaids dresses, and champagne toasts. We provided our own labor and liquor to be budget-friendly. Mostly, we are fortunate to have had a great team of family members willing to roll up their sleeves and help out.
Our splurge was Liz Linder. She is an incredible Boston based photographer who is well-known for her work with musicians. We knew that she was the one to capture the mood and hootenanny-ness of the celebration.
I just stayed focused on what was truly important, love, family, and music and let the small stuff slide--- Even when the best man called my sister the morning of the wedding and we discovered that Tim’s wedding band was missing. In the end he borrowed a friends ring and no one knew. Today he wears a coconut band we bought on our honeymoon that was $1.60. I like it more.
Photos: Liz Linder Photography
Our ceremony and reception was the Narrows Center for the Arts, which is non-profit organization. Located in Fall River, Massachusetts' waterfront district, the Narrows Center for the Arts is on the top floor of an old mill building with spectacular views. We choose this venue because our first date was at a local open mic where my future husband sang some of his original songs (I fell for the heartthrob channeling Bruce Springsteen instantly).
The Narrows is a well-known open-mic and music venue in Southeastern Mass. We love the space and the folks that work hard to keep it running. We have spent many evenings there enjoying live music when we were dating. We were surprised to find out that we were the very first wedding to take place at the Narrows.During the wedding planning we decided that the principle parts of our wedding would be: love, family, and music. We knew that everything else were just details that we could probably buy from Ikea. So, we set out to write a ceremony and throw a party that embodied our own personal trinity for an unforgettable wedding filled with revelry.
We wrote our own ceremony and Tim’s sister Annie married us. She applied through the state for the justice-of-the-peace-for-a-day-thing. We wanted our ceremony to center around family and the connectedness of our community as well as equal rights. This is how Annie began our ceremony:
"As we gather here to solidify the commitment of Tim and Rebecca to each other, we would also like to celebrate the fact that Massachusetts has lead the way in extending the rights and privileges of marriage to everyone, regardless of sexual orientation. It moves us one step closer to fulfilling our nation's promise to provide liberty and justice for all." It was important to us that we address this injustice upfront in our ceremony. We feel as you do, it is a right and not a privilege to be married.
We included all of Tim’s 6 siblings in the ceremony. They were ushers, readers, singers, officiant, co-officiant. They were truly the ones that drove the ceremony forward and made it so beautiful. Tim’s younger sister Susie said a blessing of the hands that connected all of our family and friends to us by placing hands on each other’s shoulders. Many wedding guests shared that this was their favorite part of the ceremony. It was also the part that I could not choke back my tears.
We did include a few traditions in our nontraditional ceremony. My father walked me down the aisle and we chose to say traditional vows. The other tradition we choose to be a part of the celebration was the German Wedding Cup as a nod to my grandfather who is part German. My grandparents presented the legend of the German Wedding Cup then Tim and I attempted to drink from the same cup without spilling drop. Luckily, we managed not to spill, as a precaution the cup was filled with beer not red wine. We enjoyed having the freedom to choose which traditions we would honor.
We love us a hootenanny. Music, dancing, and sing-a-longs were woven throughout the night. Tim’s cousin Mike and sister Sarah sang during the ceremony and we hired a local band called Whiskey on Sunday we knew through a mutual friend to play the reception. During the band’s break family jumped on the stage and played together, very hootenanny.
We had an evening cocktail reception at a non-profit with 150 guests. We came in under budget, here’s how: We love the Narrows the way it is and did not want to fuss with fabric or flowers. We purchased some lighting from Ikea and rented some tablecloths, that was it for décor. We knew that the music and view would be lovelier then anything we could buy. Other things that didn’t relate to our trinity we did not brother with. These included: letterpress invitations, expensive wedding gown, favors, programs, seating charts, tons of flowers, matching bridesmaids dresses, and champagne toasts. We provided our own labor and liquor to be budget-friendly. Mostly, we are fortunate to have had a great team of family members willing to roll up their sleeves and help out.
Our splurge was Liz Linder. She is an incredible Boston based photographer who is well-known for her work with musicians. We knew that she was the one to capture the mood and hootenanny-ness of the celebration.
I just stayed focused on what was truly important, love, family, and music and let the small stuff slide--- Even when the best man called my sister the morning of the wedding and we discovered that Tim’s wedding band was missing. In the end he borrowed a friends ring and no one knew. Today he wears a coconut band we bought on our honeymoon that was $1.60. I like it more.
Photos: Liz Linder Photography
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Theresa & Clark- A Sneak Peek
I get sort of freakishly excited when I get pictures from your weddings that were taken by a APW sponsor, and even more excited when you get all gushy about how great they were. I'm secretly a little bit of a matchmaker, and since most of you are already engaged, the best I can do is match you up with some amazing wedding elves. Anyway. So. I have permission to share a picture or two from Theresa & Clark's wedding at Mills College (what's with all the Mills ladies and this blog? OK, with all the woman's college ladies and this blog?) taken by Gabriel Harber. (Gabriel Harber who I have known since I was 18 years old, which still sort of confuses my head with the blog/ real world convergence). Anyway, Theresa wants you to know he's rad, and I concur.
PS if you are reading this, oh-team-practical-member who's wedding Gabriel shot at the courthouse, you need to email me lady. Seerrriiiiooouussssllllyyyyy..
Sponsored Post: MagnetStreet Weddings
It's time to re-introduce you (as if you forgot) to long-long-long time APW sponsor MagnetStreet Weddings. I'm always thrilled to remind you about MagnetStreet, partially because they offer such simple no-stress cute save the date and invite options, but also because so *every* time I post about them, a bunch of you always pipe up to say that you've had such good experiences working with them. As far as I'm concerned, good customer service trumps is pretty much everything else in wedding shopping. Because right about now you want things to be simple.
So! For those of you are wandering around the house muttering, "D*mn Save-the-dates, what the eff, why do I have to keep thinking about you, ack ack ack" under your breath (or am I the only one who started swearing at myself during wedding planning?) Anyway, just for you ladies, I'm reminding you of MagnetStreet's cute Save The Date magnets.
Because here is the deal: they are affordable, they are pretty dang cute, it will take you all of five minutes to order them, they come with envelopes, you get them quickly, you send them to your loved ones, and they go on the fridge.... FOREVER. Because as much as we all over-think the Save The Date thing (oh! I'll include a tiny jar of sand from the beach that we're getting married at!) what your relatives really want is a magnet with a picture of the two of you, so they can look at it and sigh and say, "She looks so happy," and "What was the date again? Oh, right."
Oh! And they also do Save The Date postcards, for those of you who've decided to throw your resources at invitations, and keep the Save The Dates really simple (smart ladies)
And then, of course, MagnetStreet Weddings does really lovely invitations. PAIN FREE invitations. Which is worth it, just for the painlessness, not to mention the cute painlessness! And finally, on October 31, they are doing a one day only 31% off sale (RAD!), you just need to used the code "WSALE31" at checkout. So go look already!Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thoughts After Attending The First Wedding After Our Own
It hasn't been quite four months yet since we got married, but somehow I'd forgotten how huge it was already. As I sat in a 100 year old chapel in New Orleans this weekend, watching our friend (the friend we were closest to we got together, no less) say his vows, the enormity crashed over me again.
A few weeks before we got married we were sitting in our Rabbi's office, talking about marriage, and I said something like, "I know, I know, marriage doesn't change anything. Not really." And she looked at me and said, "Well. It does. But that's another story." And as I listened to our friends say the bit about 'for better and for worse, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live,' one grinning and one teary, I wondered how I'd ever thought that this moment wasn't a game changer.
But if I learned one thing this weekend, it was that I think every wedding (and possibly every funeral) should end with a New Orleans jazz band playing As The Saints Go Marching In. Because standing on that sidewalk outside an old southern mansion, the whole crowd waving white napkins over our heads like flags, stomping our feet, singing that familiar spiritual at the top of our lungs, our voices rubbed raw from joy, throwing handfuls of lavender at the newlyweds as they rushed to the car? That was it. That's why we go to weddings, I think, and that's why we love weddings. Weddings help us to brush up against hope, and to remember how to believe. That, and they are a damn fine time. Congratulations you two. And many many happy years.
Oh! And I met a reader for the very first time. You should have seen my face when the woman in front of me in the drink line whipped around and said, "Um. Are you Meg from A Practical Wedding? Because you're kind of totally famous." (What?) And thank god she said hi, since she and her husband and *another* reader drank with us the rest of the night. Thanks guys!
A few weeks before we got married we were sitting in our Rabbi's office, talking about marriage, and I said something like, "I know, I know, marriage doesn't change anything. Not really." And she looked at me and said, "Well. It does. But that's another story." And as I listened to our friends say the bit about 'for better and for worse, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live,' one grinning and one teary, I wondered how I'd ever thought that this moment wasn't a game changer.
But if I learned one thing this weekend, it was that I think every wedding (and possibly every funeral) should end with a New Orleans jazz band playing As The Saints Go Marching In. Because standing on that sidewalk outside an old southern mansion, the whole crowd waving white napkins over our heads like flags, stomping our feet, singing that familiar spiritual at the top of our lungs, our voices rubbed raw from joy, throwing handfuls of lavender at the newlyweds as they rushed to the car? That was it. That's why we go to weddings, I think, and that's why we love weddings. Weddings help us to brush up against hope, and to remember how to believe. That, and they are a damn fine time. Congratulations you two. And many many happy years.
Oh! And I met a reader for the very first time. You should have seen my face when the woman in front of me in the drink line whipped around and said, "Um. Are you Meg from A Practical Wedding? Because you're kind of totally famous." (What?) And thank god she said hi, since she and her husband and *another* reader drank with us the rest of the night. Thanks guys!
Monday, October 26, 2009
At Preservation Hall, New Orleans LA
Me: That 80 year old jazz pianist is wearing your shirt. I told you that was a shirt for an 80 year old man.
David: Oh. Yeah... well it's not exactly my shirt. The stitching is a little different.
Me: So you're saying he just has great style?
David: No, I'm saying he's not 80.
Me: 70?
David: Yeah.
David: Oh. Yeah... well it's not exactly my shirt. The stitching is a little different.
Me: So you're saying he just has great style?
David: No, I'm saying he's not 80.
Me: 70?
David: Yeah.
Sponsor Introduction: Keira Lemonis Photography
Dear Team Practical New York and New England - this one is for you. I know all you east coasters are thinking, "blah, blah, blah with the amazing down to earth sane and affordable California photographers already. What about *us*?" Today is your day! I'm pleased to introduce you to long time APW sponsor Keira Lemonis Photography, creative wedding photographer, and shooter of practical weddings. I've featured Keira's work on the blog before, and every time I see her images, I'm struck by the artistry and the action, but also by the color, which joyfully infuses every shot. I don't know quite how she does it, but I want to fall into the blue of the bride's eyes, or touch the red satin dress. Keira shoots in upstate New York, Vermont, and the Boston Metro area, and her rates are imminently reasonable. Oh, and she travels affordably (skips!) So ladies (and a few gents) go get yourself some bad-ass wedding photography, from a photographer that particularly enjoys working with couples like you.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Mini-Moon #1
And now I'm off. As part of our promise to each other to travel (even though it very much pains one of us to spend any kind of money ever. Hint: me.) we are winging our way to New Orleans for the very first time and staying for fourish days. Also, we're going to our very first wedding since we got married, and I'm curious to see what they look like from this end of the telescope. Plus, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a fancy-pants weddings, and I adore fancy-pants weddings.*It's our first of many mini-honeymoons, and boy do I need it right now. There may be bits here while I'm gone, but there probably won't be much. I'll see you on the other side, hopefully rejuvenated. New Orleans seems like a good place for soul restoring.
*You can adore both sanity and black tie and the same time. Not that this will be black tie, but it will involve a vintage-y dress. And my wedding shoes.
Photo from an amazing NOLA film set on flicker by focusc
Wedding Graduate: Peacock Feathers & Diamond Rings
Rachel, from Peacock Feathers & Diamond Rings, who's been a Team Practical member since, well, a long time, wrote me a little note a month ago. It said something like, "Can I please please write a wedding graduate post? I'm trying to recap my wedding on my blog, and somehow sharing 'and then this happened' just doesn't capture the spirit of what I need to share." So I'm thrilled to have Rachel on on the blog today, sharing what she's moved to say. Make us wiser lady:
We got married in June this year and three months later my Husband and I still turn to each other and say "we're married!, can you believe it". Three months on and I am finally starting to be able to write about the day, to share the details that for a long time I haven't want to talk about with anyone other than my Husband. {It makes me smile every time I speak the word Husband. I think that's important.}
We got engaged in June 2008 on the beach in Cornwall, where we then returned for our honeymoon. We approached our wedding planning much like we hope we will approach married life: together, as a team, responsible for different parts according to what we are good at.
I guess my advice breaks down into two parts: advice for the planning process and then advice for the day itself.
Beforehand/in the planning stages:
* Enjoy being engaged. Don't leap headfirst into planning without celebrating that you have both decided that you want to be with each other, forever, forsaking all others.
But when you do start planning, work out what *you* can afford to spend, not what anyone else thinks is the right amount to spend and then prioritise. Whatever your budget or style, you cannot do everything. Choose what matters and focus on that. For me it was the details but not the dress particularly, so I bought a £200 dress from a charity shop and had it re tailored to fit me better. For Husband and I collectively it was the service and then the party: the guests, the feeling and the wine. We spent a long long time putting together the table plans and making sure everyone would be well catered for drinks wise. For the both of us, it was not about making sure what we spent was noted to the last penny. We kept rough spread sheets, we roughly allocated things but, guess what, priorities change as you plan. I have roughly an idea of what we spent, but not an exact figure. And we are both happy with that.
* Don't be led *too* much by what other bloggers/magazines say is cool and/or over. If you have strong ideas about your flowers, or if you really want a flower in your hair, or whatever, go for it. Just don't copy weddings image for image. But it's your day. And by your day I mean 'you and your future husband' rather than just you. Which leads me onto
* You are not marrying yourself. Chances are, your future partner will be happy to be responsible for a few things and involved in the general planning but will be pleased to leave the micro planning to you and your (Mum, Best Friend, wedding planner, whoever). But it is their day too.
* Get help. Both with the planning and someone of the day of. We benefited from our Mums who were in charge of 'laying up' the tables on the morning and generally making sure everything went roughly according to our vague plan for the day.
* Involve friends and family. If they want to be involved, that is. Our Mums wrote and read the prayers, M's brother did one reading, my Godmother the other. My Godfather accompanied the second hymn, and then he and a close friend from university played during the signing of the register. Another friend was the DJ, more friends and M's Dad formed a band and played all our favourite songs. Our best friends were our ushers at the service and during the party. But don't force people to partake, if they'd rather not.
* If there is something that means A LOT to you (as in, it is a deal breaker for you), pay for it. Sad to say, but just occasionally, a friend who says they'll do something as a favour forgets. Or doesn't turn up until the wedding has already started. So we don't have a video of the wedding. Which doesn't matter to us really, but if you're someone to whom it does, pay a professional to do it.
* It's ok to go with your gut instinct and the first vendor you meet, if the fit is right. We went with the first 'real' venue that we looked at but we knew from first glance that it met our criteria {beautiful views, accommodation for family & no recommended caterers or corkage charges}.
* If you are are person to whom details matter in life, then details will matter to you at your wedding. I am all about the details in my everyday, so spent a lot of time creating small details. If you are not, then don't make the wedding about them. Focus on what does mean a lot to you. But, at the same time, remember that the details, especially the diy details, are not what the wedding is about. So let go if they are making you stressed. In an ideal world, I would have had time to remake BoyBird because he looks too cross, and I wouldn't have sellotaped them to the beautiful vintage plate. But it didn't matter, on the day. Also, there is no definition of details: to some it is about the signature cocktail, the monogram and the favours. Those weren't important to us, our details were in the fabric collected from family members to make bunting, in the whole of both families helping us to collect vintage china.
On the day itself:
* Treat your vendors well. You may be paying them but they are people too. We overpaid our caterer (deliberately) and he did a fantastic job. I couldn't recommend him more highly. The food was local and amazing and plentiful. We opted for a hog roast with salads and home made bread and so on, which meant people could serve themselves, so we had no need for any waiting staff. The only other person present not an actual guest was Katie, our photographer. We sat her on a table with some family that she had already met that morning so she would feel comfortable as she ate and so she was in a good position to shoot the speeches.
* Take a moment for just the two of you. We went off with our photographer into the grounds of our old university and looked at some of the sculptures (this one is by my favourite sculpture, Barbara Hepworth, whose workshops and garden we visited on our honeymoon). You need some time to laugh and kiss and exclaim repeatedly "we're married" before you return to all your guests.
* Take time to speak to all your guests. Obviously. But you'd be surprised how many people don't do this at a wedding.
* Let go. Enjoy the day, don't rue any mishaps. Smile, laugh, dance, enjoy. Because this is the start of the rest of your life together. It may be the best day of your life, it might not be. I don't think it was mine but it was certainly pretty bloody amazing.
And then take a honeymoon. One night, two weeks, whatever. Just a time for you both to be with each other before real life kicks back in.
Last, but not least, say thank you. To each other, to all those that helped you and to all your guests who took the time to come and celebrate with you.
We got married in June this year and three months later my Husband and I still turn to each other and say "we're married!, can you believe it". Three months on and I am finally starting to be able to write about the day, to share the details that for a long time I haven't want to talk about with anyone other than my Husband. {It makes me smile every time I speak the word Husband. I think that's important.}
We got engaged in June 2008 on the beach in Cornwall, where we then returned for our honeymoon. We approached our wedding planning much like we hope we will approach married life: together, as a team, responsible for different parts according to what we are good at.
I guess my advice breaks down into two parts: advice for the planning process and then advice for the day itself.
Beforehand/in the planning stages:
* Enjoy being engaged. Don't leap headfirst into planning without celebrating that you have both decided that you want to be with each other, forever, forsaking all others.
But when you do start planning, work out what *you* can afford to spend, not what anyone else thinks is the right amount to spend and then prioritise. Whatever your budget or style, you cannot do everything. Choose what matters and focus on that. For me it was the details but not the dress particularly, so I bought a £200 dress from a charity shop and had it re tailored to fit me better. For Husband and I collectively it was the service and then the party: the guests, the feeling and the wine. We spent a long long time putting together the table plans and making sure everyone would be well catered for drinks wise. For the both of us, it was not about making sure what we spent was noted to the last penny. We kept rough spread sheets, we roughly allocated things but, guess what, priorities change as you plan. I have roughly an idea of what we spent, but not an exact figure. And we are both happy with that.
* Don't be led *too* much by what other bloggers/magazines say is cool and/or over. If you have strong ideas about your flowers, or if you really want a flower in your hair, or whatever, go for it. Just don't copy weddings image for image. But it's your day. And by your day I mean 'you and your future husband' rather than just you. Which leads me onto
* You are not marrying yourself. Chances are, your future partner will be happy to be responsible for a few things and involved in the general planning but will be pleased to leave the micro planning to you and your (Mum, Best Friend, wedding planner, whoever). But it is their day too.
* Get help. Both with the planning and someone of the day of. We benefited from our Mums who were in charge of 'laying up' the tables on the morning and generally making sure everything went roughly according to our vague plan for the day.
* Involve friends and family. If they want to be involved, that is. Our Mums wrote and read the prayers, M's brother did one reading, my Godmother the other. My Godfather accompanied the second hymn, and then he and a close friend from university played during the signing of the register. Another friend was the DJ, more friends and M's Dad formed a band and played all our favourite songs. Our best friends were our ushers at the service and during the party. But don't force people to partake, if they'd rather not.
* If there is something that means A LOT to you (as in, it is a deal breaker for you), pay for it. Sad to say, but just occasionally, a friend who says they'll do something as a favour forgets. Or doesn't turn up until the wedding has already started. So we don't have a video of the wedding. Which doesn't matter to us really, but if you're someone to whom it does, pay a professional to do it.
* It's ok to go with your gut instinct and the first vendor you meet, if the fit is right. We went with the first 'real' venue that we looked at but we knew from first glance that it met our criteria {beautiful views, accommodation for family & no recommended caterers or corkage charges}.
* If you are are person to whom details matter in life, then details will matter to you at your wedding. I am all about the details in my everyday, so spent a lot of time creating small details. If you are not, then don't make the wedding about them. Focus on what does mean a lot to you. But, at the same time, remember that the details, especially the diy details, are not what the wedding is about. So let go if they are making you stressed. In an ideal world, I would have had time to remake BoyBird because he looks too cross, and I wouldn't have sellotaped them to the beautiful vintage plate. But it didn't matter, on the day. Also, there is no definition of details: to some it is about the signature cocktail, the monogram and the favours. Those weren't important to us, our details were in the fabric collected from family members to make bunting, in the whole of both families helping us to collect vintage china.
On the day itself:
* Treat your vendors well. You may be paying them but they are people too. We overpaid our caterer (deliberately) and he did a fantastic job. I couldn't recommend him more highly. The food was local and amazing and plentiful. We opted for a hog roast with salads and home made bread and so on, which meant people could serve themselves, so we had no need for any waiting staff. The only other person present not an actual guest was Katie, our photographer. We sat her on a table with some family that she had already met that morning so she would feel comfortable as she ate and so she was in a good position to shoot the speeches.
* Take a moment for just the two of you. We went off with our photographer into the grounds of our old university and looked at some of the sculptures (this one is by my favourite sculpture, Barbara Hepworth, whose workshops and garden we visited on our honeymoon). You need some time to laugh and kiss and exclaim repeatedly "we're married" before you return to all your guests.
* Take time to speak to all your guests. Obviously. But you'd be surprised how many people don't do this at a wedding.
* Let go. Enjoy the day, don't rue any mishaps. Smile, laugh, dance, enjoy. Because this is the start of the rest of your life together. It may be the best day of your life, it might not be. I don't think it was mine but it was certainly pretty bloody amazing.
And then take a honeymoon. One night, two weeks, whatever. Just a time for you both to be with each other before real life kicks back in.
Last, but not least, say thank you. To each other, to all those that helped you and to all your guests who took the time to come and celebrate with you.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Something That Lasts After The First Flush Of Bliss...
One of my favorite private twitterers wrote this two days ago:(sitting in the dark before a film telling your love your secret plans & him suggesting ways to make them work? happy day)
And that's it. That's summed up newlywed life for me. One of the reasons I married David was that he made me feel like I could do anything, but it's been somehow different since the wedding. Better.
Picture: Lillian and Leonard, because it's one of the first place I felt this new feeling. More from the wedding from whence this picture leaped *should* be coming soon (hint, hint, hint)
PS Wedding Graduates coming tomorrow. I swear I haven't forgotten lovely weddings.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Reclaiming Wife: The New Mom Version
For all you silly people who decided I have something against stay at home moms, or moms in general (did you forget alllll those pictures of me from the wedding with ickles in my lap? Yeah, I'm famous for my love of babies and people like to bet on how many I will have), and for everyone else, the cuttingly smart Cate Subrosa (remember her wedding?) just wrote a brilliant post about her take on Reclaiming Wife. She has a brand new baby girl, and she has wisdom that I don't. Oh right, and she's a linguist. The part I loved the best was this:
"Once you have a baby, that's the only thing that matters," Birdy said to me the other day.
"Yeah," I said, as I made the tea. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought "no." No, no, no, no, no. My baby is not the only thing that matters to me. In fact, the things that mattered to me before matter just as much. There is room in my sense of what matters for everything else to still have its place, despite this enormous space now taken up by the needs and desires of my darling baby. I am still me.
Indeed. Having babies, or not having babies, moving to the suburbs or not moving to the suburbs, buying a house or not buying a house, but doing what's right for you, and not losing yourself in your new married life? *That's* what I'm talking about. Go read.
"Once you have a baby, that's the only thing that matters," Birdy said to me the other day.
"Yeah," I said, as I made the tea. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought "no." No, no, no, no, no. My baby is not the only thing that matters to me. In fact, the things that mattered to me before matter just as much. There is room in my sense of what matters for everything else to still have its place, despite this enormous space now taken up by the needs and desires of my darling baby. I am still me.
Indeed. Having babies, or not having babies, moving to the suburbs or not moving to the suburbs, buying a house or not buying a house, but doing what's right for you, and not losing yourself in your new married life? *That's* what I'm talking about. Go read.
Sponsor Introduction: Daniel Powell Photography
Sometimes... I feel a little guilty about being able to give you San Francisco Bay Area brides so freaking many awesome (and affordable!) sponsors. But I swear, it's not my fault! I love you all the same! But, you know, I'm going to do it again. I'm thrilled to introduce you to Daniel Powell, wedding photographer extraordinaire. His images speak for themselves: active, innovative, formal (and that bride with the feathers, who I think is one of you guys, is hot!) all wrapped into one package. His wedding packages start at $1200 (ummm humm). AND, as if that's not enough, He comes with the highest of recommendations: Emily, of Emily Takes Photos (shot by Daniel in the shot above, shooting a couple, I'm meta like that) not only said that he was a great photographer and great match Team Practical, but she's having him shoot her *own* wedding in the spring. Yup. He's a photographers photographer. You can't get much better than that. Bay Area ladies, enjoy.Picture: Daniel Powell. There I go again with the arty shots instead of the weddingy ones. But I love the action of this moment. And Daniel shoots sports too, so of course... and his weddingy shots fab, natch.
Terri & Lisa: One Year
Some of you will remember Teri & Lisa and their fabulous fabulous two dress, white gothic corset, Minnesota Shriner's Mansion wedding. Well, Teri emailed me recently with a little catch-up email about their one year anniversary, and ohdearjesus ladies. This is an amazing story. I love that its is some sort of magical junction between weddings and marriage. And don't get me started about how each of them got a celebration in their own particular asthetic. You'll be hearing more from Teri and Lisa soon (married life! yay!) but until then I bring you a full circle. To one year ladies! To you!
A few weeks ago, on our 1 year anniversary, we Minnesotans decided to troupe down to Iowa and get ourselves a Iowa marriage licence (Iowa....still can't get over that...of all places...).Turns out changing two peoples surnames without a legal wedding in MN is hella expensive, and we decided in the past year to have a shared last name. So! Off to Iowa we went!
We brought two friends- one to officiate (yay Universal Life Church) and his wife to bear witness. We brought a bottle of port, and they brought us a small chocolate cake to share, and a handmade quilt. We had the ceremony outside out Victorian B&B at midnight, and Lisa finally got all the gothic aesthetic she wanted. It was simple, it was meaningful, it was intimate, it was representative of us, and it was just so very affirming.
Sometime in the next year or two our own home state is expected to vote on gay marriage...and its expected to pass. For some reason the idea of the Iowa marriage licence "kicking in" amuses me. I always picture myself cutting my toenails, and then a "ping" videogame type noise comes from nowhere, and blocky text above my head proclaims that I have reached "married- level 3!" whenever Minnesota passes the law.
PS. Being married just keeps getting better, doesn't it?
A few weeks ago, on our 1 year anniversary, we Minnesotans decided to troupe down to Iowa and get ourselves a Iowa marriage licence (Iowa....still can't get over that...of all places...).Turns out changing two peoples surnames without a legal wedding in MN is hella expensive, and we decided in the past year to have a shared last name. So! Off to Iowa we went!
We brought two friends- one to officiate (yay Universal Life Church) and his wife to bear witness. We brought a bottle of port, and they brought us a small chocolate cake to share, and a handmade quilt. We had the ceremony outside out Victorian B&B at midnight, and Lisa finally got all the gothic aesthetic she wanted. It was simple, it was meaningful, it was intimate, it was representative of us, and it was just so very affirming.Sometime in the next year or two our own home state is expected to vote on gay marriage...and its expected to pass. For some reason the idea of the Iowa marriage licence "kicking in" amuses me. I always picture myself cutting my toenails, and then a "ping" videogame type noise comes from nowhere, and blocky text above my head proclaims that I have reached "married- level 3!" whenever Minnesota passes the law.
PS. Being married just keeps getting better, doesn't it?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Yayyyy Cevd! Yayyyy Pretty Pretty Paper!
Speaking of married ladies doing projects that keep on inspiring my own list, my amazing friend Cevd of Pretty Pretty Paper just opened her own store. I try not to use piles of exclamation points, but I feel like this requires some, so !!!!!!!!
Christine designed/helped David with his design of our invitations (which I swear, one day I'll get a good picture of and show you). She poured her heart and soul into those pieces of paper, and they ended up being one of my favorite projects from the wedding because they were beautiful and they felt like love. And now, she has taken a empty store front and made it magic.
If you are anywhere near Los Alamos California, you have to go visit. And if you need paper stuffs, well, Christine is as amazing as they come. Yay for new projects and businesses! Yay for inspiring me to reach a little higher, for making me feel like more things are possible! Congratulations Christine! I could not be any prouder.
Christine designed/helped David with his design of our invitations (which I swear, one day I'll get a good picture of and show you). She poured her heart and soul into those pieces of paper, and they ended up being one of my favorite projects from the wedding because they were beautiful and they felt like love. And now, she has taken a empty store front and made it magic.
If you are anywhere near Los Alamos California, you have to go visit. And if you need paper stuffs, well, Christine is as amazing as they come. Yay for new projects and businesses! Yay for inspiring me to reach a little higher, for making me feel like more things are possible! Congratulations Christine! I could not be any prouder.
Reclaiming The Word Wife
So. Wife. Being a wife. There are loaded words, and then there are *loaded* words, and I think wife falls into the second category. I first started thinking about this concept when I got this comment from Cindy (remember Cindy?) right before the wedding:
"Meg, I love being a wife. So far in life, it's been my most satisfying and challenging role. So here's to the rest of yours and David's life. Cheers."
David was reading my comments over my shoulder (as he does) and he stopped at that one. "Wife?" He said, "That's sort of a surprising comment. It's something I feel like you don't hear very much these days. People don't say 'I love being a wife' unless they are talking about how they love being a stay-at-home soccer mom, and I'm pretty positive she doesn't mean that."
"I'm going to be a wife THIS WEEK," I screeched. "I better love it. I better not become a stay at-home-soccer-mom-with-a-minivan. I better not lose myself. Certainly! Not!"
And then we got married. I haven't told you guys this, but I stopped wearing my engagement ring the next day, which was funny, given all the time we'd spent thinking about it and picking it out. There were a lot of reasons that maybe I'll talk about one day, but one of them was this - my bands (I have two, Jewish and well, regular) don't scream 'wedding bands,' at least not without an engagement ring. And while I wanted to mark myself as taken, it turned out I didn't really care to mark myself as married to the wide world. "Too much baggage," I said, "Being a married woman comes with a lot of baggage, and a lot of stuff I'm not. I just don't want to communicate that to everyone I meet."
So. It turns out I love being married. LOVE it. It's strange that it's any different at all, but it is. On our honeymoon I started realizing all the really great things about it - we're on a team now, a literal team. We support each others endeavors, we encourage each other, we support each other financially. Ah ha! I realized. Now we are two*! This is awesome. As two we should be able to be much braver, much more adventurous, right? We'll be able to hold each other accountable. Imagine all the stuff we'll be able to get done! Fabulous. So I started making a list in my head of 'Now-We-Are-Two exciting projects to consider in the next three-ish years:'
And then I started processing this a little bit. Could it possibly be true that much of the available media I could find about new wife-ness was about buying pillows and cooking and having babies? In 2009? That couldn't be right. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like cooking and babies and maybe even pillows, but I'll be damned if I was going to let being a wife mean just cooking and babies and nesting. I had a list of PROJECTS damn it. I wanted to think about what new marriage meant. It's joys, it's challenges. I wanted to talk about wife-dom, and what it means to me now, as a woman with a very independent streak, a woman who's a feminist, in 2009.
The New York Times recently ran a Modern Love article (that you MUST read right now if you haven't already) written by a gay woman about her stay-at-home-wife. She said this:
I want to broaden the meaning of “wife.” When I call Ellen my wife I don’t want to mean that she is simply the chore-doer but that she’s the guiding intelligence behind her half of our household. Ellen doesn’t take care of the children the way I would, not by a long shot. If I were the stay-at-home mother, they would wear different clothes, eat different lunches, attend different activities. The cleaning and the laundry would get done in a different order and to a different standard. It took me a long time to accept that Ellen’s way is legitimate; it was probably 18 months from the time she began taking care of our son full time to when I truly let go of trying to make her do it my way.
That passage reminded of two members of our family. We don't see them very often, but every time we do, we come away saying, I hope we're parents like *that.* I hope that's us, 15 years in. The kind of parents no one tell you that you can be - the wry, honest, funny kind. The kind that can love your kid and still note that parenting, when paired with sanity, needs a pretty serious dose of irony. The stay at home parent** in that family is the dad (parent and artist, natch). And this passage in the New York Times reminded me that as far as I can tell, he's one of the best wives I know. I don't think I'd mind growing up to be a wife like that. And I'd like a little more of that. A little less pillows, and a lot more honesty.
So lets do this thing. Lets reclaim the word wife. Lets talk about marriage. So tell me what you want to talk about, and then lets c-h-a-t. You can bring your pillows, but you better bring a conversation topic that doesn't involve them.
*Two. Count it. Two. None of this two-become-one bullcr*p. Why the hell would I want to go from being One to being One-Half? Right. I wouldn't.
**For all I know he may have a mini-van. Do y'all even drive mini-vans in the UK?
"Meg, I love being a wife. So far in life, it's been my most satisfying and challenging role. So here's to the rest of yours and David's life. Cheers."
David was reading my comments over my shoulder (as he does) and he stopped at that one. "Wife?" He said, "That's sort of a surprising comment. It's something I feel like you don't hear very much these days. People don't say 'I love being a wife' unless they are talking about how they love being a stay-at-home soccer mom, and I'm pretty positive she doesn't mean that."
"I'm going to be a wife THIS WEEK," I screeched. "I better love it. I better not become a stay at-home-soccer-mom-with-a-minivan. I better not lose myself. Certainly! Not!"
And then we got married. I haven't told you guys this, but I stopped wearing my engagement ring the next day, which was funny, given all the time we'd spent thinking about it and picking it out. There were a lot of reasons that maybe I'll talk about one day, but one of them was this - my bands (I have two, Jewish and well, regular) don't scream 'wedding bands,' at least not without an engagement ring. And while I wanted to mark myself as taken, it turned out I didn't really care to mark myself as married to the wide world. "Too much baggage," I said, "Being a married woman comes with a lot of baggage, and a lot of stuff I'm not. I just don't want to communicate that to everyone I meet."
So. It turns out I love being married. LOVE it. It's strange that it's any different at all, but it is. On our honeymoon I started realizing all the really great things about it - we're on a team now, a literal team. We support each others endeavors, we encourage each other, we support each other financially. Ah ha! I realized. Now we are two*! This is awesome. As two we should be able to be much braver, much more adventurous, right? We'll be able to hold each other accountable. Imagine all the stuff we'll be able to get done! Fabulous. So I started making a list in my head of 'Now-We-Are-Two exciting projects to consider in the next three-ish years:'
- Project Travel. You can travel with babies, but isn't it better to practice traveling without them first? I have a lot of the world left to see.
- Project Grad School. I've been breadwinner while David is in school, when he's out, I should take my turn. I started researching graduate programs on our honeymoon. Somewhere in Scotland, I decided on what Masters degree I wanted to pursue.
- Project Start A Business. Look around you. Wouldn't it be great if I had time to make sure there was more of that?
- Project Renovate a House. I've never been super wrapped up in buying a house. I mean, all the places I want to live tend to offer apartments for sale for half a million and up. If I have to choose between renting in San Francisco or buying in the suburbs, I can make that choice in five seconds flat. But then I realized you could buy run down cheap historic homes these days. Tiny, maybe in slightly dubious neighborhoods, but cheap (there are perks to being young in a horrible housing market). Then you could gut them, and make them beautiful again. Ahhhh... refinishing hardwood floors with an industrial sander by ourselves? That's the kind of nesting that sounds interesting to me.
And then I started processing this a little bit. Could it possibly be true that much of the available media I could find about new wife-ness was about buying pillows and cooking and having babies? In 2009? That couldn't be right. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like cooking and babies and maybe even pillows, but I'll be damned if I was going to let being a wife mean just cooking and babies and nesting. I had a list of PROJECTS damn it. I wanted to think about what new marriage meant. It's joys, it's challenges. I wanted to talk about wife-dom, and what it means to me now, as a woman with a very independent streak, a woman who's a feminist, in 2009.
The New York Times recently ran a Modern Love article (that you MUST read right now if you haven't already) written by a gay woman about her stay-at-home-wife. She said this:
I want to broaden the meaning of “wife.” When I call Ellen my wife I don’t want to mean that she is simply the chore-doer but that she’s the guiding intelligence behind her half of our household. Ellen doesn’t take care of the children the way I would, not by a long shot. If I were the stay-at-home mother, they would wear different clothes, eat different lunches, attend different activities. The cleaning and the laundry would get done in a different order and to a different standard. It took me a long time to accept that Ellen’s way is legitimate; it was probably 18 months from the time she began taking care of our son full time to when I truly let go of trying to make her do it my way.
That passage reminded of two members of our family. We don't see them very often, but every time we do, we come away saying, I hope we're parents like *that.* I hope that's us, 15 years in. The kind of parents no one tell you that you can be - the wry, honest, funny kind. The kind that can love your kid and still note that parenting, when paired with sanity, needs a pretty serious dose of irony. The stay at home parent** in that family is the dad (parent and artist, natch). And this passage in the New York Times reminded me that as far as I can tell, he's one of the best wives I know. I don't think I'd mind growing up to be a wife like that. And I'd like a little more of that. A little less pillows, and a lot more honesty.
So lets do this thing. Lets reclaim the word wife. Lets talk about marriage. So tell me what you want to talk about, and then lets c-h-a-t. You can bring your pillows, but you better bring a conversation topic that doesn't involve them.
*Two. Count it. Two. None of this two-become-one bullcr*p. Why the hell would I want to go from being One to being One-Half? Right. I wouldn't.
**For all I know he may have a mini-van. Do y'all even drive mini-vans in the UK?
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sarah & Megan's Gay-Barn-Fab Wedding
I'm thrilled to introduce the blogger behind Ms Grrrl at So You're EnGAYged (which I just noticed bills itself as a wedding resource for same-sex and *allied couples.* We're allies! Yay! I love getting called and ally. Go check it out mixed-gender-couple-ladies!). She's smart, she's sassy, and something about this wedding makes me feel like skipping. Maybe it's the barn? Maybe its the fab dress and hair piece? But it may just be the love... And now, the wedding:
Creative: I am slightly embarrassed by how over-the-top I went with the crafts. I didn't realize how overboard I had gone until the week before the wedding when I had to put together all of my crazy half-done projects. Megan and I made chalkboards with broken furniture parts from Ikea's As-Is section and chalkboard paint.
I made our cupcake stands out of thrift store finds and super glue. I made little envelopes with a heartfelt thank-you message for our favors,which were scratch-off lotto tickets), I made about a zillion flags for our guests to wave that said "Yay!," "Woot!," and "Whoo hoo!"
I collected hundreds of childhood photos of Megan and I and backed them all with construction paper and hung them from twine in the barn where our wedding and reception were held.
And as busy as I was, I wasn't the only one who totally overdid the DIYing. Early in the planning process, I put my mother in charge of the centerpieces and she went so far above and beyond that I still kind of can't believe it. She collected antique milk bottles from thrift stores and garage sales all year, which was great, but not anywhere near as amazing as everything else she did: She is a kayaker and spend the year collecting hundreds (maybe even thousands) of pieces of sea glass and dozens of beautiful white ocean rocks -- enough to have probably 30 pieces of sea glass and 3-4 rocks surrounding each of the milk bottles that held our flower arrangements. They were so beautiful, I'm still in awe of her.
We also got creative with our ceremony. Instead of picking readings from our favorite poets or holy books, we asked my grandmother, who is a poet herself, to write a poem in celebration of our marriage and read it during the ceremony. We also asked our singer-songwriter friend, Kelly McFarling, to play an original piece during the ceremony. She also played our processional and recessional music on her banjo. I really loved having our friends and family play a part in the creation of the ceremony and not just play roles outlined by us.
Thrifty (whatever that meant for you): When we started planning the wedding, we wanted to keep it as inexpensive as possible. We thought about how much we could afford and decided that we really wouldn't feel comfortable spending more than $5,000 of our own money. Then we asked each of our parents if they would feel comfortable giving us $2,500 each and they all agreed that that seemed like a reasonable amount.
We saved a lot of money by doing the flowers entirely on our own (my mother spent the morning of the wedding picking Queen Anne's Lace and Hydrangas from local fields and my grandmother's garden). We found a five piece contra band that would play for an hour for $500. We made many, many, many things ourselves. We got an incredible deal on a photographer, Kelly Prizel, who was just starting out. Her rates have since tripled because she is FABULOUS and totally worth waaaay more money than we paid... (I still can't believe that we got such amazing photos for so cheap). My incredible gourmet Aunts baked the cupcakes (which were obscenely beautiful and delicious). 
And I found a young designer on Etsy.com, Janay Andrews of Janay A. Handmade, who handmade my dress to my specifications for $755.
Sane: This is the hardest question to answer, because in a lot of ways, I'm not quite sure it was so sane... all the crafting and the personal touches were amazing, but they took a lot of work, a lot of time, and lot of thought. But in some ways, that ended up making it more sane for me, because even though I was kind of consumed, I felt like I was consumed by something that was a true reflection of who Megan and I are as a couple. And in the end, my mother, my grandmother, and all of my aunts came together to make my vision a reality. So it kind of felt like a big family effort, a labor of love from an entire community and that made it feel like even more than a ceremony and a party.
I think the one thing I would have changed that would have made our wedding even more sane is that I would have gone on a relaxing honeymoon right afterwards. We took a long weekend in the San Juan Islands off of Seattle (where we live) several weeks after our wedding, but I definitely needed a vacation in the days following the wedding. I recommend a honeymoon directly following the wedding to everybody who is planning a wedding -- even if it's just a camping trip to a neighboring town or a B&B down the street -- you will need a break and you will need to be alone with your new spouse. Nothing in your wedding is worth getting rid of the honeymoon for... not the food, not the flowers, not the dress. Go on a honeymoon... even if it's just to a Best Western in the town next door. Go.
Pictures: I really have no idea why I'm featuring two weddings back to back shot by the fabulous Kelly Prizel Photography (who's work has never been on this site before). That's kind of strange, huh? But maybe it's some sort of clobber-you-over-the head message from the universe for one of you. Or maybe it's just a weird coincidence.
Creative: I am slightly embarrassed by how over-the-top I went with the crafts. I didn't realize how overboard I had gone until the week before the wedding when I had to put together all of my crazy half-done projects. Megan and I made chalkboards with broken furniture parts from Ikea's As-Is section and chalkboard paint.
I made our cupcake stands out of thrift store finds and super glue. I made little envelopes with a heartfelt thank-you message for our favors,which were scratch-off lotto tickets), I made about a zillion flags for our guests to wave that said "Yay!," "Woot!," and "Whoo hoo!"
I collected hundreds of childhood photos of Megan and I and backed them all with construction paper and hung them from twine in the barn where our wedding and reception were held.
And as busy as I was, I wasn't the only one who totally overdid the DIYing. Early in the planning process, I put my mother in charge of the centerpieces and she went so far above and beyond that I still kind of can't believe it. She collected antique milk bottles from thrift stores and garage sales all year, which was great, but not anywhere near as amazing as everything else she did: She is a kayaker and spend the year collecting hundreds (maybe even thousands) of pieces of sea glass and dozens of beautiful white ocean rocks -- enough to have probably 30 pieces of sea glass and 3-4 rocks surrounding each of the milk bottles that held our flower arrangements. They were so beautiful, I'm still in awe of her.
We also got creative with our ceremony. Instead of picking readings from our favorite poets or holy books, we asked my grandmother, who is a poet herself, to write a poem in celebration of our marriage and read it during the ceremony. We also asked our singer-songwriter friend, Kelly McFarling, to play an original piece during the ceremony. She also played our processional and recessional music on her banjo. I really loved having our friends and family play a part in the creation of the ceremony and not just play roles outlined by us.Thrifty (whatever that meant for you): When we started planning the wedding, we wanted to keep it as inexpensive as possible. We thought about how much we could afford and decided that we really wouldn't feel comfortable spending more than $5,000 of our own money. Then we asked each of our parents if they would feel comfortable giving us $2,500 each and they all agreed that that seemed like a reasonable amount.
We saved a lot of money by doing the flowers entirely on our own (my mother spent the morning of the wedding picking Queen Anne's Lace and Hydrangas from local fields and my grandmother's garden). We found a five piece contra band that would play for an hour for $500. We made many, many, many things ourselves. We got an incredible deal on a photographer, Kelly Prizel, who was just starting out. Her rates have since tripled because she is FABULOUS and totally worth waaaay more money than we paid... (I still can't believe that we got such amazing photos for so cheap). My incredible gourmet Aunts baked the cupcakes (which were obscenely beautiful and delicious). 
And I found a young designer on Etsy.com, Janay Andrews of Janay A. Handmade, who handmade my dress to my specifications for $755.
Sane: This is the hardest question to answer, because in a lot of ways, I'm not quite sure it was so sane... all the crafting and the personal touches were amazing, but they took a lot of work, a lot of time, and lot of thought. But in some ways, that ended up making it more sane for me, because even though I was kind of consumed, I felt like I was consumed by something that was a true reflection of who Megan and I are as a couple. And in the end, my mother, my grandmother, and all of my aunts came together to make my vision a reality. So it kind of felt like a big family effort, a labor of love from an entire community and that made it feel like even more than a ceremony and a party.I think the one thing I would have changed that would have made our wedding even more sane is that I would have gone on a relaxing honeymoon right afterwards. We took a long weekend in the San Juan Islands off of Seattle (where we live) several weeks after our wedding, but I definitely needed a vacation in the days following the wedding. I recommend a honeymoon directly following the wedding to everybody who is planning a wedding -- even if it's just a camping trip to a neighboring town or a B&B down the street -- you will need a break and you will need to be alone with your new spouse. Nothing in your wedding is worth getting rid of the honeymoon for... not the food, not the flowers, not the dress. Go on a honeymoon... even if it's just to a Best Western in the town next door. Go.
Pictures: I really have no idea why I'm featuring two weddings back to back shot by the fabulous Kelly Prizel Photography (who's work has never been on this site before). That's kind of strange, huh? But maybe it's some sort of clobber-you-over-the head message from the universe for one of you. Or maybe it's just a weird coincidence.Friday, October 16, 2009
Love: For Me
And speaking of Wild Things, as you all go off to your weekends of wild rumpuses, I wanted to leave you with a story that reminds me of what love really feels like, as told by the woman who introduced me to the word blog:
A little boy (maybe 5 years old) wrote to Maurice Sendak telling him how much he loved his books, his drawings, everything about him. As you might imagine, Sendak gets a lot of fan mail, but he was so moved by this one that he wrote the boy back and enclosed an original drawing, just for him.
A little boy (maybe 5 years old) wrote to Maurice Sendak telling him how much he loved his books, his drawings, everything about him. As you might imagine, Sendak gets a lot of fan mail, but he was so moved by this one that he wrote the boy back and enclosed an original drawing, just for him. The boy was so overjoyed when he received the drawing that he ate it, the entire thing, every last shred of pulp and ink.
His mom wrote back to the author, telling him the story. Sendak was thrilled, saying that that was the greatest compliment he had ever received.
Go, go, go. Go find yourself something you love, and eat it all up.
Sponsor Introduction: Christina Richards Weddings
LADIES! And a few gentleman. I believe we were speaking about dreamy inordinately talented artists-masquerading-as-wedding-elves-with-cameras? Yes. We were. Welllllll.... I'm *delighted* and maybe the tiniest bit squeakily excited to introduce you to the super talented Christina Richards, of Christina Richards Weddings. When Christina first emailed me to introduce herself as a photographer working the the San Francisco bay area, and I checked out her photos, and then checked out her prices, I emailed her back to say, "You understand you are undercharging for your talent, right?" (I have been a working artist, I know how these things go), and she emailed me back to tell me that her crazy-low-considering-wow prices were "Just for now, till she builds up her book and clients in the bay area."So. All you fellow bay area couples (and people who might fly in a photographer) run, do not walk to Christina's site, where pricing starts, for now, at $1000 for 8 hours of coverage (with flexible pricing for few hours). First one who sends me a wedding shot by Christina gets a big virtual hug. I'm excited already. Now, GO!
Picture: is it bad that I pick the quirky arty shots that I love instead of the standard wedding-y ones? By Christina Richards Weddings, obviously.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Ceremonies: Honest & True
You guys. I've had a bad, bad, no good week. And I'm tired. And I want to see Where the Wild Things are and eat Dosas with my husband (hee!), and see my sassy hair stylist this weekend. Nothing that can't be fixed by that right? That and a Scottish beer. So, I'm tired and slightly sad, so for now I'm just giving you a snippet of the magic to come. Thanks for all your amazing emails this week, and comments, and vibes. You guys have been rocking my world extra hard lately, right when I need it the most. -xo, M.
The wedding I'm featuring Monday is the wedding of Sarah, AKA, Ms Grrrl over at So You're EnGAYged. I was poking around through posts she'd written over there, and found something that she tentatively attributed to me. Honestly, I have zero idea if I said it, though it sounds like something I *would* say. Anyway, I love what Sarah wrote so much, and I think it's so true, that I wanted to share it with you as a sneak peak of what is to come:
"One of my favorite wedding bloggers (sadly, I can’t remember which one… but I bet it was Meg at apracticalwedding, she was my wedding planning guru through the whole process) said that a personal, moving ceremony sets the scene for the entire wedding. She seemed to think that it didn’t really matter what happened after the ceremony because if people felt like they had just played a part in something deeply moving and sacred, they would experience the wedding as a wonderful event, no matter what kind of table linens or music or favors there were at the reception. That bit of advice really stuck with me and looking back on our wedding I think it is absolutely true."
Read the rest of the post over here. And the rest of this wedding is coming soon, soon, soon!
Photo by Kelly Prizel
The wedding I'm featuring Monday is the wedding of Sarah, AKA, Ms Grrrl over at So You're EnGAYged. I was poking around through posts she'd written over there, and found something that she tentatively attributed to me. Honestly, I have zero idea if I said it, though it sounds like something I *would* say. Anyway, I love what Sarah wrote so much, and I think it's so true, that I wanted to share it with you as a sneak peak of what is to come:
"One of my favorite wedding bloggers (sadly, I can’t remember which one… but I bet it was Meg at apracticalwedding, she was my wedding planning guru through the whole process) said that a personal, moving ceremony sets the scene for the entire wedding. She seemed to think that it didn’t really matter what happened after the ceremony because if people felt like they had just played a part in something deeply moving and sacred, they would experience the wedding as a wonderful event, no matter what kind of table linens or music or favors there were at the reception. That bit of advice really stuck with me and looking back on our wedding I think it is absolutely true."Read the rest of the post over here. And the rest of this wedding is coming soon, soon, soon!
Photo by Kelly Prizel
My Love Song To One Love Photo
You guys. It was inevitable that I was going to write a love song to One Love Photo (husband and wife team Heather & Jon), because when people are that awesome to you, you are awesome to them in return (which is *not* a way of saying I'm a blogger so I got my photography for free, I don't roll that way. Though they *do* advertise on APW.). Except accidentally, I wrote an EPIC love song. And epic love song with arty cameras and how we went about picking awesome wedding elves, and sneaky pictures of our wedding:
I would describe Heather and John (that's Heather, in the pink, at her best friends wedding) as the artists photographers—The funky, hip, you wanna have a drink with them artists photographers. First off, they still shoot with film, which is rare, and magical. But it's more mind-boggling than that. They shoot with (get this) SEVEN DIFFERENT CAMERAS. I told this to one of my amazingly talented photographer friends, and she said, "Oh my God, I'd never know what camera to pick up! Panic!" and Heathers said, "You can't think. You just grab." Which is just how you always do art right? Scary but simple at once. So let me walk you through the cameras (I'm such a nerd, because this is super fun for me. Glee!)
First, Heathers favorite is the Hasselbald medium format camera. It shoots really cool square images. Heather says, "It is fully manual from exposure to focus. It slows me down a bit which I think is actually a really good thing at weddings." It's philosophical but true. There was something different about Heather crouching down and looking through her view finder
and then the click whirr. And it captured some of my favorite pictures of the wedding, which fittingly were quiet moments: (this is the same balcony and the same seats where we had mimosas and watched the sunset later that night. PS: I told you my hair rocked):
Second, they shoot with a Holga. I'm pretty sure all you blog readers know about the Holga and it's low-fidelity aesthetic, so let me just get down to it and show you my favorite of One Love's Holga pictures.
I know, right? I don't really have words for that.
Third, they use something I've never heard of, a toy camera called The Blackbird. They sometimes pass this and the Holga out to guests, just to let them play and get another perspective. Here is a guest shooting on The Blackbird:
And here is a double exposure of us leaving our wedding shot on it by one of our guests:
Cooool. Sigh.
Fourth, they just got a new camera Diana F+. No images from that yet, but yum.
And finally, because they are modern photographers, they shoot with three digital cameras, with a multitude of lenses. That way there are no, "Oh god did the film turn out??" moments. Heather sent me two of her favorite digital images, which apparently (adorably) she likes so much because *Jon* shot them:
And then there are the crazy blurry shots shot on digital with old lenses. This has an emotional intensity that melts me:
And finally, I want to say something personal about Heather and Jon, why we picked them, and how to think about hiring elves. We hired them *without ever meeting them* partially because we talked to Heather quite a bit on the phone, and we trusted her. She told me their prices up front (not a lot of hidden back end nonsense), they were willing to work with us on things that were important to us (we wanted to buy our jpg's and have them right away), and she kept saying things like, "well I could do such and such, but I don't want to. It makes me feel funny. It makes me feel like I'm ripping people off." We paid good money for them (their prices have gone up since, but they are still worth way, way more than they charge) but I was happy to support working artists. The first email I sent Heather was, "Hi, I love your work, but I know I can't afford you." and her response was, "Well, actually, I try to keep a simple package because I love working with creative brides." Yay!!! And for all the times mid-planning I wondered if I was being silly paying for artists, I wasn't. It was right for us. Photography is my art form of choice (don't get me started about how an Alfred Stieglitz on Georgia O'Keeffe show changed my life when I was 14). Long story short, our pictures are worth it to us, many times over.
They made me feel grounded when I wasn't (two minutes before they shot the photo above I was going to gnaw my way through a tree with frustration), I could ask them for advice "Is my eye makeup too heavy?", and they were like flies-on-the-wall at the wedding (have you been to weddings with yelly intrusive photographers? It sucks.) When I freaked out about not wanting super traditional shots and kept telling Heather "Like Ember and Ben's wedding!" she listened and then really DID exactly the spirit of what we wanted. And our photos are so good that people keep telling us they are 'art' and that 'they've never seen wedding pictures like them.' And if you can believe it, I haven't showed you most of the really really great ones, because I'm keeping those just for us.
Finally, I suppose I should close with what we didn't like right? Well. I'm pretty sure they never ate our amazing delicious food, even though I cornered Jon and described the curried lentil salad in detail, and I think David chased Heather around with Falafal or something... But hey, they sure photographed the sh*t out of it:
All photos by One Love Photo. Obviously.
I would describe Heather and John (that's Heather, in the pink, at her best friends wedding) as the artists photographers—The funky, hip, you wanna have a drink with them artists photographers. First off, they still shoot with film, which is rare, and magical. But it's more mind-boggling than that. They shoot with (get this) SEVEN DIFFERENT CAMERAS. I told this to one of my amazingly talented photographer friends, and she said, "Oh my God, I'd never know what camera to pick up! Panic!" and Heathers said, "You can't think. You just grab." Which is just how you always do art right? Scary but simple at once. So let me walk you through the cameras (I'm such a nerd, because this is super fun for me. Glee!)First, Heathers favorite is the Hasselbald medium format camera. It shoots really cool square images. Heather says, "It is fully manual from exposure to focus. It slows me down a bit which I think is actually a really good thing at weddings." It's philosophical but true. There was something different about Heather crouching down and looking through her view finder
and then the click whirr. And it captured some of my favorite pictures of the wedding, which fittingly were quiet moments: (this is the same balcony and the same seats where we had mimosas and watched the sunset later that night. PS: I told you my hair rocked):
Second, they shoot with a Holga. I'm pretty sure all you blog readers know about the Holga and it's low-fidelity aesthetic, so let me just get down to it and show you my favorite of One Love's Holga pictures.
I know, right? I don't really have words for that.Third, they use something I've never heard of, a toy camera called The Blackbird. They sometimes pass this and the Holga out to guests, just to let them play and get another perspective. Here is a guest shooting on The Blackbird:
And here is a double exposure of us leaving our wedding shot on it by one of our guests:
Cooool. Sigh.Fourth, they just got a new camera Diana F+. No images from that yet, but yum.
And finally, because they are modern photographers, they shoot with three digital cameras, with a multitude of lenses. That way there are no, "Oh god did the film turn out??" moments. Heather sent me two of her favorite digital images, which apparently (adorably) she likes so much because *Jon* shot them:
And then there are the crazy blurry shots shot on digital with old lenses. This has an emotional intensity that melts me:
And finally, I want to say something personal about Heather and Jon, why we picked them, and how to think about hiring elves. We hired them *without ever meeting them* partially because we talked to Heather quite a bit on the phone, and we trusted her. She told me their prices up front (not a lot of hidden back end nonsense), they were willing to work with us on things that were important to us (we wanted to buy our jpg's and have them right away), and she kept saying things like, "well I could do such and such, but I don't want to. It makes me feel funny. It makes me feel like I'm ripping people off." We paid good money for them (their prices have gone up since, but they are still worth way, way more than they charge) but I was happy to support working artists. The first email I sent Heather was, "Hi, I love your work, but I know I can't afford you." and her response was, "Well, actually, I try to keep a simple package because I love working with creative brides." Yay!!! And for all the times mid-planning I wondered if I was being silly paying for artists, I wasn't. It was right for us. Photography is my art form of choice (don't get me started about how an Alfred Stieglitz on Georgia O'Keeffe show changed my life when I was 14). Long story short, our pictures are worth it to us, many times over.
They made me feel grounded when I wasn't (two minutes before they shot the photo above I was going to gnaw my way through a tree with frustration), I could ask them for advice "Is my eye makeup too heavy?", and they were like flies-on-the-wall at the wedding (have you been to weddings with yelly intrusive photographers? It sucks.) When I freaked out about not wanting super traditional shots and kept telling Heather "Like Ember and Ben's wedding!" she listened and then really DID exactly the spirit of what we wanted. And our photos are so good that people keep telling us they are 'art' and that 'they've never seen wedding pictures like them.' And if you can believe it, I haven't showed you most of the really really great ones, because I'm keeping those just for us.Finally, I suppose I should close with what we didn't like right? Well. I'm pretty sure they never ate our amazing delicious food, even though I cornered Jon and described the curried lentil salad in detail, and I think David chased Heather around with Falafal or something... But hey, they sure photographed the sh*t out of it:
All photos by One Love Photo. Obviously.
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