Comments on A Practical Wedding: The Slavery Of Choice

I have no idea how I stumbled on to your blog, but...

2008-07-19T18:49:31.489-07:00

I have no idea how I stumbled on to your blog, but its just lovely! I love the post you have here, I've found myself in the same boat while planning our wedding. I found a photographer that I went crazy for and it was "almost too good to be true"... but after a lot of researched I found out, that they are just that good and I'm excited to get to have them for our wedding... now on to the MANY other tasks... fun! :)

Love the blog, keep writing!
Lauren
www.TeamGiles.com

This is by far my favorite wedding related post/ar...

2008-07-17T10:03:32.585-07:00

This is by far my favorite wedding related post/article/piece of advice I've read, and trust me, I stalk a bunch of sites... I even forwarded it to my fiance because we both suffer from "the slavery of choice."

I realized, though, (and I think this is worth pointing out because of this blog's subject and readership) that what I agonize most over is finding the ABSOLUTE BEST deal/price. And honestly, I think that's just as destructive as agonizing over the perfect flowers or favors!

I bought an amazingly beautiful dress at a Brides Against Breast Cancer gown sale, and the tag said it would have retailed for $5000+. I googled when I got home and couldn't confirm this anywhere (I didn't find anything that disproved this either.), and I was sort of crushed. What if it wasn't really this incredible deal I thought it was? I had to practically slap (unintentional pun, but I'm liking it!) myself in the face to realize that I loved my dress whether I saved $4000, $50, or $10,000. It's so me and it was within my budget, so who cares about the rest?!

Thanks for knocking some sense into me once again!!!

Thanks for this post. I went to see a venue today ...

2008-07-16T20:53:03.300-07:00

Thanks for this post. I went to see a venue today that is a great price whose inside has a lot of potential . .. but I did not know if it was the super-duper, be-all and end-all of places. Reading what you have written, in particular the quote, gave me a push towards taking this place and making real, concrete plans.

Yes.Research, research, research. When people ask ...

2008-07-16T14:34:49.602-07:00

Yes.
Research, research, research. When people ask about the wedding, my fiance refers to my spreadsheets. It is disheartening because it seems this joyous occasion has turned into an exercise in organization-even though much of this was an effort to stay under budget, not a quest for perfection.

The choice dilemma has been extremely prevalent this week as my very talented fiance begins to work on our invitations. This post couldn't have had better timing as a reminder to focus on the end result of this whole process - a happy and fulfilling marriage.

Thanks for this post. I am the queen of indecisive...

2008-07-16T11:31:25.827-07:00

Thanks for this post. I am the queen of indecisiveness and it drives me and my fiance crazy. I'm pretty low-key when it comes to the wedding, but I'm always questioning my choices. Last night I had a nightmare that I was at my wedding and the photographer was acting funny and not taking pictures.

My photographer was the best choice for our price range and style. If we had more money, we may have a chosen another photographer but we don't. I made the most responsible decision. I should be happy with that, not fretting over it.

Thank you.

I partially agree with you. What we do is: we take...

2008-07-16T01:37:24.023-07:00

I partially agree with you. What we do is: we take a decission and then browse and browse until we find the version that fits our tiny budget. And as soon as we find it, we take it.
I will buy my dress from eBay, inspired by one I already love (first choice, as Guilty Secret) by a 10% of its price. He is going to rent the tuxedo, only buying the shoes and shirt. And 95% of our budget is the food and the drink we will offer to our guests. Which in Madrid means luckily we will be under 30000€ (45000$).

What an amazing quote. Thank you so much for shari...

2008-07-15T21:59:07.439-07:00

What an amazing quote. Thank you so much for sharing.

I think we often get caught up in searching for "the best" because, really, we're looking for what will make us look awesome in the eyes of all our guests.

Although I admit that that happiness of my guests is very important, I've stayed sane by remembering that a) it's our wedding and should reflect what WE are like, and b) our guests don't actually care about colors/flowers/dresses/invitations/you-name-it.
as much as I think they do.

And when in doubt, go with your gut.

i love this post!we did it your way with a few mor...

2008-07-15T18:30:26.098-07:00

i love this post!

we did it your way with a few more steps.

7. we argued with parents over our decision
8. we second guessed our decision because of our parents
9. we look back at our notes on #1 and we feel better

I heart your blog and your practical wisdom. It ...

2008-07-15T15:32:15.214-07:00

I *heart* your blog and your practical wisdom. It echoes my own sentiments and it's just so refreshing to read.

I will admit I drove myself nuts agonizing over all the little crap in the beginning; this place, that place, this photographer, that one, etc.. But once we chose our venue, I was determined to not spend so much energy deciding. Now we make choices based on our budget, choose two vendors that offer that service, talk with them and decide right away.

Altho I'm still 2nd guessing my dress, but oh well.

Our biggest decision has been over the caterer...p...

2008-07-15T15:31:00.315-07:00

Our biggest decision has been over the caterer...primarily b/c it's such a huge portion of our budget! I talked to about 10, but are tasting with 3. I'll be SO happy when i don't have to think about side salads!

For the photographer,event designer/florist and dj i'm completely going with my gut (and referrals of course). Plus i'm doing trade with the first 2 vendors to offset cost AND getting the best service possible!

Oh, and Meg...glad you like the Style Me Pretty website...i designed it! thanks for the positive feedback!

I love this post - I will have to get this book. S...

2008-07-15T13:43:53.727-07:00

I love this post - I will have to get this book. Sounds like it pertains to lots more than just wedding planning (paint colors, anyone???)

Yes - we (I) have struggled with our choices. FH doesn't care as much. But to be honest, it's been those little "enjoyable details" that have driven me bat-sh*t crazy! I was like you - walked into our venue (the first one we looked at) and *done*. Met with our photographer, liked her, liked her price and *done*. Met with the caterer.... *done*. My point being, that yes - I did a lot of research on the internet before hand, but my big decisions were easier. Mostly because of budget - there was a big difference between quotes and prices. With the small stuff, you're back to the paradox of choice - it doesn't cost any more money to change colors, there are several styles of bridesmaid dresses at a certain price point, candles or flowers??... Argh!! ;-)
I hope this doesn't happen to you! Maybe repeating that "The best is the enemy of the good" over and over in my head will help!

Ditto Michelle. I mean, really? You quoted Voltair...

2008-07-15T13:27:55.094-07:00

Ditto Michelle. I mean, really? You quoted Voltaire? And you use your blog to raise money for other people's weddings? Really? Are you that great?

I love it. Who else would dare quote Voltaire? Yo...

2008-07-15T12:52:54.878-07:00

I love it. Who else would dare quote Voltaire? You rock chicka. Hooray for making a good point without flogging the blogging dead horse of "step back and re-focus on why you are doing this and why its important." Count me in as the newest "Team Practical" stalker. :)

I was just thinking this very thing today, that th...

2008-07-15T12:27:25.557-07:00

I was just thinking this very thing today, that there is no 'perfect' option or combination of wedding choices that will make The Perfect Wedding. There are hundreds of choices and any combination of those choices would make something wonderful. People get caught up in searching for the perfect venue, not remembering that there are many venues, many great venues and that whichever one you pick, that is not going to be the thing to make your day perfect. You could have a wonderful wedding in any one of those venues, with any one of those florists, in any one of those dresses and enjoy eating any one of those cakes. No single one is perfect but many of them are very, very good.

Like Jessamyn says, if we started planning our wedding now, 16 months after we got engaged, it would be a very different wedding to the one we have planned but that doesn't mean it would be any better, just different and still great.

I kept a lot of the decision making down by gettin...

2008-07-15T11:53:46.589-07:00

I kept a lot of the decision making down by getting married on the opposite coast from where I live and setting the date nine months from the engagement. This means I had no time or ability to try 11 different caterers or pick out the most unique bridesmaid dresses. And considering how anal I can be, I think the time constraint helped me put my priorities in order. Having said that, I think we have probably spent more money doing things rather last minute, instead of having the time to search for the best deal.

this is a great topic. there's another thing to t...

2008-07-15T10:11:05.642-07:00

this is a great topic. there's another thing to think about - the people you are at the time you get married, aren't the people you stay forever. sometimes I look at friends of mine who got married 5 years ago, and think about how dramatically different their wedding would be today (different/ more friends, even different styles and priorities). I'm starting to see that a little for us, too, after 2.5 years of marriage. it's never going to be a bad thing, but it is a little weird.
just another way in which you just do your best to have a fabulous time now, and not worry about things being perfect in an idealistic lifelong memory kind of way.

Well I haven't started looking for my dress yet bu...

2008-07-15T09:06:53.776-07:00

Well I haven't started looking for my dress yet but I anticipate that being a touch decision, but my worst so far has been the photographer. I've looked at hundreds of photog's work... met with 5 and will probably meet with a few more before I decide. It's probably the biggest and toughest for me because I just want to make sure I have an excellent photographer. (Of course my small budget is making this difficult!)

What an excellent quote. Perhaps you should rename...

2008-07-15T08:28:49.619-07:00

What an excellent quote. Perhaps you should rename this blog "the enemy of the best"?

Most of our choices have been made with the aim of keeping costs to a minimum: get married late in the day so we only have to provide one meal, a bridesmaid's dress for me, a shirt and tie that will match a suit he already owns, a simple corsage and bouquet and no flowers for any of our other guests, a dress from eBay for my best woman, our best men can wear whatever they like... I could go on!

But there has also been another theme: not shopping around too much. I repeat my mantra, "it's just one day and this looks good so I'm going to go with it." We booked the ceremony venue having only seen a tiny photo online, we booked the only reception venue we looked at, my dress was the only one I tried on I liked... you get the idea. I guess on some level I have been aware of the choice paradox and trying to protect us from getting any more overwhelmed than we inevitably are.

Real Simple Weddings magazine says in order to kee...

2008-07-15T08:18:32.380-07:00

Real Simple Weddings magazine says in order to keep things easy, narrow your choices to three vendors that you will actually meet with face-to-face. You don't have time to meet 6 caterers, 4 DJs, 5 florists, etc... Even those of us with long engagements would go crazy. (Exceptions to this "rule" could be the venue and possibly the dress).

Just ask yourself if you're happy with the choice. If yes, then you're okay. No need to worry about if you'll be slightly happier with another choice. That's true for most things.

Referrals from trusted sources are usually the best route. I know exactly what DJ I'm getting because of a wedding I was in last year. We're not even going to consider anyone else. Another one off the list.

We haven't spent a lot of time deliberating over o...

2008-07-15T07:33:00.095-07:00

We haven't spent a lot of time deliberating over our vendors. We tried one caterer, liked them fine, and signed a contract. Talked to two DJs, one who wasn't really what we wanted and one who was. Decided we wanted cupcakes, picked out a cupcake vendor, and signed a contract.

I don't know. I want it to be a special day, but I don't have time to deliberate over the choices. All these vendors were recommended by someone or another, and that's good enough for me.

I'm admittedly the worst at making decisions, espe...

2008-07-15T07:03:38.483-07:00

I'm admittedly the worst at making decisions, especially big ones, up until the FH asked me to marry him, I just wanted to put off the marriage talk because we were in such a great place.

Ever since he proposed, decisions have come fast and furious. We've deliberated like you have, but ultimately, made most of the big decisions already. And I agree with blablover that the hard part is not having second thoughts. The best part of our decision making is that our venue raised their prices not long after we booked them, so we are locked in for the old price, a year and a half ahead of time.

So far, so good!

A lot of our decisions were made with keeping in m...

2008-07-15T06:49:14.409-07:00

A lot of our decisions were made with keeping in mind some of what was important to us and some of what we didn't care about. Also it was important that it would be fun, nothing dull for the sake of everyone else does it.

The hard part has been not having second thoughts, so far we haven't gone out and boughten anything twice but there are still 3 months to go so I better knock on wood.