Comments on A Practical Wedding: Classic APW: How Is More Important Than How Much

I love the bit about how to spend your money. I ow...

2009-11-20T16:43:25.225-08:00

I love the bit about how to spend your money. I own and run a small business and know how hard at times that can be.

When we were trying to hire table cloths and chair covers we were trying to save money by going with a big company. But then we ran across a lady around our age that runs a hire place from her shed. We went to see her at the shed beside her house, her two little kids twirling around in chair sashes and it just felt right. How much more the money would mean to her than to some big corporation. Even though it cost us a few dollars more we went with her. And you're so right - it just feels better.

Yay, Meg! Yay for karma and re-posting this. And...

2009-11-20T14:54:26.390-08:00

Yay, Meg! Yay for karma and re-posting this.

And thanks for being patient about watching me learn all this for myself! xo

In the homestretch, when I'm adding up all the las...

2009-11-20T11:39:04.686-08:00

In the homestretch, when I'm adding up all the last minute purchases and the accounts that need to be settled on the day of, this post was a godsend (as I'm reading it for the first time). I'm confident in the How - no need to fret the How Much and condemn myself for it!

Thank you everyone. We really do not want to put i...

2009-11-20T11:19:55.960-08:00

Thank you everyone. We really do not want to put it off because of finances. It's just one of those weeks where the whole budgeting process seems like an insurmountable mountain. It's difficult to realize that I personally won't be able to contribute much at all because of grad school. It's hard to reconcile that because I've always valued paying my own way for things. Plus there might be some family conflicts due to ceremony location. But it'll get worked out — you've all renewed my hope.

When I first red this post I hadn't started planni...

2009-11-20T10:37:56.538-08:00

When I first red this post I hadn't started planning my wedding, but it made perfect "duh" sense. It's the way I try and approach my entire life and I was committed to it for my wedding. But then, after jumping into this wedding thing full on, this is the sort of post that helps me keep sane, especially as the budget balloons beyond my nice initial number and especially as I make peace with the whys of my individual decisions and compromises. Which is, after all, how I try and approach my entire life after all.

Hey! You quoted me! I love you even more. @bu...

2009-11-20T09:57:01.209-08:00

Hey! You quoted me! I love you even more.

@bunniesnbeagles don't put it off, just do it cheaply. It's possible. Equally, take your time finding out what is available and at what price. We booked a lot of things straight away when we got engaged, a year later we had come across quite a few much cheaper options but we were stuck with our initial decisions.

You can do it. Wonderfully. With any budget, I promise.

'But here is the thing: I don't care. I really, re...

2009-11-20T09:50:28.712-08:00

'But here is the thing: I don't care. I really, really don't care how much you spent.'

I love you.

Or to quote a post over at Peonies & Polaroids: "N...

2009-11-20T09:45:33.498-08:00

Or to quote a post over at Peonies & Polaroids:
"No pockets in a shroud" as Gran used to say.

That helped.

sorry Ive already made a comment but just thought ...

2009-11-20T09:12:11.477-08:00

sorry Ive already made a comment but just thought of one more thing to say. I'd like to quote my Grandma, who was born in the great depression and is over 80 years old. "getting married should be an emotional decision, not a financial decison"
Go Gran!

@bunniesnbeagles and Meg Yes, please don't put of...

2009-11-20T09:10:03.756-08:00

@bunniesnbeagles and Meg

Yes, please don't put off getting married because of money! Everyone's solution is different though - my family couldn't help out so my husband and I extended our engagement by 6 months to save up. Though, the engagement was so long more beacuse I had to deploy right in the middle of it. I know I could have planned the wedding in 3 months and been done with it by the time I deployed. But I didn't want to do that - it turns out I really fully enjoyed planning our wedding. If I'd shotgun styled it, I would never have had time to find out about etsy.com or this wonderful blog!!! One option that might work is to look at your favorite local resturaunt that doesn't cater to weddings (read: WAAAY more reasonable). We were surprised to find our favorite local Mexican resturaunt has a private room for functions that doesn't cost a single penny, as long as you have a least 30 guests! The menu was VERY reasonable and drinks were included at a very reasonable price as well! Plus, the resturaunt is beautifully decorated with spansih tile floors, whitewashed walls, colorful streamers, twinkle lights, colorful tablecloths and a roving mariachi band!!! Another option we looked into was a late morning wedding with brunch (everything seemed cheaper if you went with a lunch vs. dinner option, but without sacrificing quality!) or a cocktail reception.

We are in our late twenties and have after working...

2009-11-20T09:07:07.643-08:00

We are in our late twenties and have after working really hard at universtiy / trade apprenticeships for best part of a decade are quite estblished in our careers. Our wedding isnt planned on the skin of our teeth.. but we value our money and do our best to prioritise. There was a recent post about a couple who didnt really budget per se, rather kept track of spending, to make sure it remained at a level they were comfortable at- this describes up to a tee. Each purchace we just sorta go 'is that cool' and if we both nod then we go with it and move on

This blog (and particularly this post) saved my sa...

2009-11-20T08:59:39.745-08:00

This blog (and particularly this post) saved my sanity when I thought I would just sit down and cry out of frustration with the whole wedding industry crap (and polar opposite, though just as frustrating, indie bride crap). My husband and I sat down the weekend we got engaged (because I am a psycho planner who will stress out until we at least have a "tentative" plan... I'm working on that) and decided how long we wanted to be engaged. Then we figured out how much we could afford and split it up into a monthly savings plan. We ended up saving more than we spent and split it towards saving for our next big adventure and a house. We aren't as lucky as some I've seen in the wedding blogosphere to have tons of creative friends with independent businesses and great skills at things like photography and sewing (I don't think a single friend of mine would have a clue even how to turn on a sewing machine!!!), so we had no choice but to hire services. We just made sure to hire independent artists we felt a connection with, that have passion for what they do at a value-added price. After the cold hard reality of a budget, we came up with a list of what was most important to us about our wedding day.
1. We get married to each other and enjoy it!
2. All of our closest friends and family are there (and ONLY our closest friends and family).
3. Everyone has an amazing time and cannot stop smiling.
4. An open bar and delicious food.
5. That I felt beautiful (I don't mean this in a princess-y way, but I just wanted to feel my most beautiful that day).
And then we just let the list guide us... when we had to make decisions or things felt like they were getting out of hand, we'd ask, "Is this really important to us?" and "How would this fit into the budget?". In the end, we went super budget on some things that we just didn't care about as much, I took on a few DIY projects (more like one, but it mattered to me and we couldn’t afford the quality I wanted if I didn’t do it myself) and splurged in other areas that we cared more about. The overall number really DOES NOT matter and it IS OK to splurge on what really matters to you (THANK YOU MEG!!!). In the end, my husband and I had an INCREDIBLE time - (1) we got married, (2)ALL (and ONLY) of our closest friends and family were there and we not only talked to everyone, but we spent real time with them (3) When we got the pictures back from the photographers, there wasn't one single picture where people weren't smiling (I'm not kidding!!), (4) We had an open bar and delicious food - and I don't care what people say about not being able to eat on your wedding day, we ate ALL of our food and heartily partook of the libations, (5) I felt more beautiful than I ever have or ever will again - something about marrying the love of my life I think :-)
Meg is SO right - if you keep it honest and true to what is important to you and your husband, you will have amazing memories! One last thing I'd like to add, I was present the whole day and not worrying about any of the details - things might go wrong, but so what, you're probably the only one who'll notice anyway and you'll still be married in the end!

butting in: bunnies, my fiance and i were both u...

2009-11-20T08:23:01.600-08:00

butting in:

bunnies, my fiance and i were both unemployed during engagement (and had no savings stored up! i had just finished grad school) it's doable!!

@bunniesandbeagles Family help? It gets a bad name...

2009-11-20T08:18:35.827-08:00

@bunniesandbeagles
Family help? It gets a bad name in Indie wedding circles, but I think that's stupid as hell. David's in grad school, so we just split the costs in fourths - his family, my family, me, him (he had some savings). If he hadn't had savings it probably would have been thirds - his family, my family, us. Doing it that way felt really fair. Everyone had some money in, and some influance (which they would have had anyway), but since we were paying for half (and were ostensably poorer than anyone else), we never felt like people had a right to push us around. So it was a good balance.

Just my two cents. I'm sure other people have other ideas. I will say that I really really hate when people say they are putting off getting married because they can't afford it. It makes me really sad. I want to shake them and say "get a cute dress, go to the courthouse, go out to dinner, save for a amazing five year anniversary party! Just get married!"

I believe the first time I read this I cheered per...

2009-11-20T07:54:11.822-08:00

I believe the first time I read this I cheered periodically throughout the whole thing. Now that I'm actually engaged and in graduate school, any discussion about any budget makes me feel ill. Hopefully once I'm gainfully employed full-time in May I'll be able to shake this feeling. I know there are other women who balanced money-draining higher education with setting a realistic budget. Does anyone have any advice?

I think that what we are spending on our wedding i...

2009-11-20T07:38:44.155-08:00

I think that what we are spending on our wedding is a huge amount of money.....because IT IS. But I consistantly have to reassure myself that we set this "budget" thoughtfully and carefully, and we are not spending money frivolously. We are making decisions that are right for us and supporting independent vendors. We haven't publicized what this is costing, and we have NO INTENTIONS to do so. Because in the end, as long as we stayed true to what we felt we could afford reasonably and felt good about where we spent our money, then it isn't really anyone else's concern. I do look at what we are spending occasionally and get a wee bit queasy. Then I think of how amazing our wedding will be and how much it will mean to us and to our families and friends to be included and treated to this wonderful affair, and all is right again.

So Meg - Amen Sister! :)

I remember this post. It helped relieve me of a lo...

2009-11-20T07:27:08.345-08:00

I remember this post. It helped relieve me of a lot of guilt I was feeling around planning my own wedding. I hated the idea of buying into the WIC, but with our circumstances we pretty much had to spend money for services. And fortunately, we could afford to. I tried to choose those carefully - people I genuinely liked and wanted to support. But checking out all the indie wedding blogs made me feel like some hideous sellout for my approach, even though I clearly didn't have to justify our choices to anyone else. So this post was incredibly reassuring when it came.

You are so right about indie wedding rules. When ...

2009-11-20T06:22:49.955-08:00

You are so right about indie wedding rules. When I started planning my wedding I kept thinking we would be so avant garde, so original, and that we had to be in order to make a statement about ourselves. As time went on I realized I *wanted* to wear a wedding dress. I liked the mountain of a cake. I didn't want to make every decoration myself. I spent a ton on some things that were very important to me, but that seemed silly to so many other women (and by that I mean the small fortune I spent on my hair). The day of the wedding I realized I loved everything we chose, and that it was perfect for us. Same goes for the budget. I am proud of us for our budget, but I know I could have cut even more corners if I had wanted to. At some point I realized that it wasn't important that I had the least expensive wedding, it was important that I had a wedding where everything I spent money on was meaningful to my wife and I.

yes yes! what is it about the weddingcrazy that m...

2009-11-20T04:34:59.981-08:00

yes yes!

what is it about the weddingcrazy that makes you start to care about what everyone else is spending and how you compare?